Samanthaax

I am the one who...

    I am the one who smiles and laughs all the time but I'm not the same on the inside. I'm the one who feels like she is dying on the inside, the one who will brighten anyones day before my own. I am the one who loves to have fun just to forget about everything. I am the one who is trying to ignore the critisism and ignorance of people, the one who cares so much for someone even if they don't want a thing to do with me. The one that gets talked about, the one that hides her feelings a lot. The one who is trying to get through everything. The one who is crying out for help.

What's going on?
I'm basiclly getting harrased and bullied inside of school everyday and sometimes outside of school and my school doesn't want to believe me. I keep writting these venting quotes for everyone to wake up and realize what I'm really going through. I keep adding things in about "suicide" for them to notice what the hell I go through everyday in school and maybe they will believe me more. I don't know what it is that I have to do for them to know the truth of what really goes on. I don't want to go to school anymore until they tell me they believe me, until something is done and I don't just mean going seperate ways in the hall's because it just follows me outside of school. Something needs to be done because I am sick and tired of getting laughed at, humiliated, made fun of, and stared at while I walk down the halls. I am sick of being outside of school and getting stared at and laughed at. I am being so nice about this to, when I could get everyone who does this to me probably exspelled from school or introuble with cops for illegal issues that I know they do or seen them do, but I'm being nice and I'm starting to realize why be nice when all there doing to me is making me look like a lier. I feel like I have no other choice but to agree to everything they say because I feel like telling the truth is just a big waist of my time since they never believe me. What do I have to do to make everyone believe I'm getting harrased by a few juniors. Their 17 I'm 14, I'm sorry but am I the only person who find's something wrong with that? I'm just a freshmen and I don't think that I should have to go to school everyday getting harrased by juniors and making them make me go into the bathroom and cry. Then yesterday I got threatened for this to go on my college applications/records and stuff but I don't understand I'm getting harrased so bad and no one will help me, writting this stuff is the only way I can get people to notice what is going on. And yeah, there is no proof that I am getting harrased but why would I put time into writting all these long things, what do people think it's cause I'm bored and have no life? I get about 2 hours of homework, I don't get home from school until late most of them times because of clubs and I'm on wittyprofiles wrtting these really long things that I am hoping someone will notice and someone will help me. I'm almost failing school because I am trying to get someone to notice what is happening. This is what's going on everyday and I am so sick of it. Am I the one who has to get cops involved to have something done about this? Last time I checked bullying was against the law, so why is everyone who is bullying me getting away with it, even when I bring it to someone's attention. And I'm pretty much writting this right now to bring it to someones attention once again but I bet it's just a waist of time because I'll go back to school monday and I will get harrased and I will be outside of school monday or sometime next week and I will get stared at and laughed at from inside of there car with their friends, It's been going on since the middle of November. I guess it's something I got to get use to it since nothing wants to be done about it. I just want to go to school and be happy and be able to talk to all my friends about stuff other than getting harrased in the hall way, and if everything that I am telling people wasn't true than why would I be complaining to my friends about it every single day. I remember the first day of high school I hated it because I had no idea where I was going, everything was completly new and I got so use to it, I joined many clubs, I thought about doing sports, my grades were the best they ever been and I just loved it, I started to do announcements and of course I had some rough patches along the way but I still loved high school and I wanted it to make it the best 4 years of my lfie but now it's like everything is falling apart. I'm not in as many clubs as I was in, I hate going to school because I get pratically bullied, my grades are going down because I'm just so emotionally and mentally tired when I get home from school that all I want to do is sleep or I'm trying to write something on facebook or witty to get the attention of someone that could help me and do soemthing about this and those rough patches I would have once in awhile, they happen every single day about 4-5 times a day. If nothing gets done then I really do not know what I'm going to have to do for someone to believe what's really going on. I just want it all to stop. All I'm asking is to do something about it besides changing hall way routes because if It's not going to happen in school then it's just going to happen more outside of school and when I leave school that is my freedom of getting away from everything I go through, but latley it seems like I can't even have that kind of freedom. Now all I do is stay up inside my room because I'm scared that I'm going to see someone again and there just going to laugh at me and stare at me and talk about me from inside of their car or someone is just going to show up at my house again. I remember the day this all started I got a text saying that they were going to make my life a living hell, well they weren't lying they really are trying to make my life a living hell, I still have the text. I'm scared to see what's next. I need something done before it could possibly get worst.

Look into my eyes, you will see nothing but fear. The fear that I have everyday going to school. And the fear that I have even being outside of school. I try to bring it to people's attention, but it seems like it always just makes things worst for me. I want to go to school and have fun, like I use to. I try to tell the principal and guidance of what goes on but it seems like they don't believe me and they don't even give me the chance to give them my proof. I have probably about 5-6 witness's and a text saying that my life will be a living hell. I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to feel that feeling of humiliation and foolishness. I don't want to be laughed at, stared at and talked about. I just want it all to end. If I go a different way in the hall or not it will just follow me outside of school. I got the same sh*t outside of school a few times too. I'm sick of it. It's killing me inside. I hide up in my room in fear someone will come to my house again or if I go out somewhere I will see someone and just get stared at. I always thought bullying was against the law? I always thought it was such a "big deal" in the U.S, if it is then why isn't my case being solved, or why isn't my case being believed or at least looked into. What do I have to do for someone to believe me? They told me that "If these people harm themselves in anyway than that is on you and the school." Well, I'm the victim in this so, if I harm myself in any kind of way wouldn't that be on the school and the people doing this to me? How far do I have to go for this to go away? Am I going to be the one to get police involved? My school clearly doesn't understand that people have killed themselves because they were getting bullied. What I also don't understand is, me writing these stupid little venting things is getting me introuble even more trouble, I'm only writing it to get someone to hear me out and help me. I waist my time speaking to a guidance councelor or principal in my school because they don't do enough to make it stop. They don't even give it the time to hear what proof I got. I got threatened for all of this to go on my college records and stuff, but I haven't done anything but cry out for help. Why am I getting even more tortured for this? If no one is going to help me then they mine as well stop calling me down to there office saying there "worried" about me because they got an update from my facebook and witty because you clearly can't be that worried if you won't do anything about this. This has been going on since November, and it is now the end of January, you put a stop to it that lasted about 2-3 weeks, well GUESS WHAT, it's time to take things further because it clearly didn't work. This is all bringing my grades down, It's bringing my motivation down for my activities and school clubs. All I want is to make high school the best time of my life and I can't do that when I get harrased by a couple of juniors. I feel like my mother doesn't even want to help me with any of this. But I can't drop it, everyone thinks it's going to stop but it really won't stop. I'm sick of feeling crappy. I use to have this amazing bubbly personalitly and now it seems like all I do is cry and complain to my friends about all of this for the past couple of months. I'm emotionally, mentally and physically tired. I guess you could just say I'm depressed. At this point, I guess I don't even care if I get suspended for all this crap, I guess it's just a break from all of the harrasment. People told me that high school are suppose to be the best four years of your life but I honestly don't see how... But I guess that's what it feels like to get bullied.

What's going on?
I'm basiclly getting harrased and bullied inside of school everyday and sometimes outside of school and my school doesn't want to believe me. I keep writting these venting quotes for everyone to wake up and realize what I'm really going through. I keep adding things in about "suicide" for them to notice what the hell I go through everyday in school and maybe they will believe me more. I don't know what it is that I have to do for them to know the truth of what really goes on. I don't want to go to school anymore until they tell me they believe me, until something is done and I don't just mean going seperate ways in the hall's because it just follows me outside of school. Something needs to be done because I am sick and tired of getting laughed at, humiliated, made fun of, and stared at while I walk down the halls. I am sick of being outside of school and getting stared at and laughed at. I am being so nice about this to, when I could get everyone who does this to me probably exspelled from school or introuble with cops for illegal issues that I know they do or seen them do, but I'm being nice and I'm starting to realize why be nice when all there doing to me is making me look like a lier. I feel like I have no other choice but to agree to everything they say because I feel like telling the truth is just a big waist of my time since they never believe me. What do I have to do to make everyone believe I'm getting harrased by a few juniors. Their 17 I'm 14, I'm sorry but am I the only person who find's something wrong with that? I'm just a freshmen and I don't think that I should have to go to school everyday getting harrased by juniors and making them make me go into the bathroom and cry. Then yesterday I got threatened for this to go on my college applications/records and stuff but I don't understand I'm getting harrased so bad and no one will help me, writting this stuff is the only way I can get people to notice what is going on. And yeah, there is no proof that I am getting harrased but why would I put time into writting all these long things, what do people think it's cause I'm bored and have no life? I get about 2 hours of homework, I don't get home from school until late most of them times because of clubs and I'm on wittyprofiles wrtting these really long things that I am hoping someone will notice and someone will help me. I'm almost failing school because I am trying to get someone to notice what is happening. This is what's going on everyday and I am so sick of it. Am I the one who has to get cops involved to have something done about this? Last time I checked bullying was against the law, so why is everyone who is bullying me getting away with it, even when I bring it to someone's attention. And I'm pretty much writting this right now to bring it to someones attention once again but I bet it's just a waist of time because I'll go back to school monday and I will get harrased and I will be outside of school monday or sometime next week and I will get stared at and laughed at from inside of there car with their friends, It's been going on since the middle of November. I guess it's something I got to get use to it since nothing wants to be done about it. I just want to go to school and be happy and be able to talk to all my friends about stuff other than getting harrased in the hall way, and if everything that I am telling people wasn't true than why would I be complaining to my friends about it every single day. I remember the first day of high school I hated it because I had no idea where I was going, everything was completly new and I got so use to it, I joined many clubs, I thought about doing sports, my grades were the best they ever been and I just loved it, I started to do announcements and of course I had some rough patches along the way but I still loved high school and I wanted it to make it the best 4 years of my lfie but now it's like everything is falling apart. I'm not in as many clubs as I was in,  I hate going to school because I get pratically bullied, my grades are going down because I'm just so emotionally and mentally tired when I get home from school that all I want to do is sleep or I'm trying to write something on facebook or witty to get the attention of someone that could help me and do soemthing about this and those rough patches I would have once in awhile, they happen every single day about 4-5 times a day. If nothing gets done then I really do not know what I'm going to have to do for someone to believe what's really going on. I just want it all to stop. All I'm asking is to do something about it besides changing hall way routes because if It's not going to happen in school then it's just going to happen more outside of school and when I leave school that is my freedom of getting away from everything I go through, but latley it seems like I can't even have that kind of freedom. Now all I do is stay up inside my room because I'm scared that I'm going to see someone again and there just going to laugh at me and stare at me and talk about me from inside of their car or someone is just going to show up at my house again. I remember the day this all started I got a text saying that they were going to make my life a living hell, well they weren't lying they really are trying to make my life a living hell, I still have the text. I'm scared to see what's next. I need something done before it could possibly get worst.

Stop making me feel like sh*t. I'm sick of it. I have never tried so much for someone and I don't even know why I'm trying. I don't know why I'm even crying over you. You are clearly not worth my tears. If you want to be obnoxious and make me feel like an idiot while your at it then go right ahead. it just shows how dumb you are to make a girl cry. It just shows how dumb you are for making a girl want to die just because of your immaturness. Well, guess what. I'm done dealing with all of this. All of what you ask? LIFE. I'm sick of going to school and have people judge me for something that happened in 7th grade. I'm sick of going to school and deal with the teachers just stressing me out and giving me all this bullsh*t. I'm sick of going to school and seeing YOU in the hall and hear those obnoxious noices that come out of your mouth everytime I walk by you. Most of the time it doesn't even bother me but want to know why it's bothering me right now? Because you can take the time to make the noises to probably make your friends laugh but you couldn't take the time to read just one simple thing I wrote that came deep from my heart or the time to text me telling me not to do something stupid to myself over you. You know it's coming. We both know it's coming. I mean look at me when you see me, do I honestly look happy? Listen to my voice, do I sound like always have? It's coming. It's coming real soon because I can't take the tears running down my cheak and the not being able to catch my breath when I cry hystericlly for you. You brought me closer to my breaking point that day in the library, remember? You made me feel so pathetic again. I yelled at you that day to and all you could do is walk away. I can't do it anymore I really can't. You want me to move on you said but you keep doing this to me.  And your mom told my mom that you are worried about me doing something and I keep saying this to my self, if you were so worried why the hell won't you say something for your self for once? And if you were so worried why are you doing this for? I don't even want you to stop either, I guess I'm just so confused with why you are doing this? Does it mean that you don't want me to move on beacuse you still love me? Or you miss me? What is it? I need to know. And the thing is, you won't even give me a chance. A chance to prove to you I could be the one. A chance to prove to you that this is faith. Everything that is happening is faith. You seeing me when you pass to every class is faith. There are over a thousand students in that school and you are one of the thousand I see everyday. There are 11 months in a school year so that's about 335 school days in a year and we happened to be at the library at the same time, same day, together. That's a sign. It's faith. You just need to believe in it. I would give you nothing but the best if we were together. I just need one chance. But that is one chance I will never get. I just need to change schools maybe and forget about you. Because these tears that I cry every day and night for you aren't healthy. There pushing me along with you to my breaking point that is coming real soon and you know it. And I know it. We both know that it is coming real soon. You can tell by my eyes everytime I look at you that I'm not happy and I fake this stupid ugly smile and I can't anymore because it's making me feel worst inside. I can't go on anymore. I'm so fed up. I can't do it anymore. I'm so close to the edge...
-Samantha.