I would have to say, I miss you most (no offense to anyone else I wrote to). We were like sisters. We were inseparable. I trusted you so much. And I broke that trust. And I can never truly forgive myself for that. But I'm sorry for not trying harder. For not explaining. For not apologizing like I really should have. I'm sorry for saying things in vain. I'm sorry for letting boys come between us. Boys, for heaven's sakes. It is so. fudging. stupid when I look back on it. I mean, first off, that one tall person wasn't even worth the trouble. He was the one who was playing with my emotions, and stringing us both along. You weren't the problem, even though I tried to say you were because I was stupid and I liked him so I made excuses for him. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I just can't even get over how stupid the whole thing is. And then I didn't even try to make things right, or fix things, or try to talk to you. I was just like, "Okay, I'm gonna sit here and feel sorry for myself and blame my problems on everyone else." Stew. Freaking. Pid. I mentally kick myself when I think about it and know that I let a beautiful friendship and a beautiful person go. And I know today you said that people are mad that we're being "civil," but I don't want to be civil. I want things to be back to how they were. I want to be able to confide in you and take a million stupid pictures with you and just be silly.
I want you to be my best friend again.
So yeah, kinda awkward to be writing to you. I haven't talked to you since almost a year? But I do feel like there are things that I should apologize for. I'm sorry for being such a female dog to you. I was just so upset. I thought I loved him. Thought. I was so upset that 7 months had gone to waste. I was upset that he was going to throw it all away for you. I was upset that you were allowing it. But in reality, I was the most upset with myself for having such an ultimately meaningless realtionship and not realizing it for so long. But I don't hate you, by no means, not even close. I respect you. He was not the one for me. And he makes you so happy. I respect that, and I am happy that you guys have found something so rare at such a young age. I know you don't particularly like me, and will probably hate me for saying this too, but being in both yours and Lauren's position now, I see why you did what you did. It's a hard position to be in, equally as hard as it was for me to be in the position that I was with you. I guess I'm not asking for you to forgive me or anything, I know this apology is probably meaningless to you and is about one year too late, but I just wanted to say these things. And I didn't just realize this either, it just took me this long to finally say it.