~//Sarah//~
{ Everyday is exactly the [same] }
{ I won't /cry\ because I know you don't care }
{ my eyes can |never| tell *you* how h.u.r.t I am }
{ Your weakness is \my/ s.i.l.e.n.c.e. }
{ don't worry dying |is| easy l.i.v.i.n.g. is hard }
{ maybe *I'm* the ~good~ guy p.r.e.t.e.n.d.i.n.g to be the bad guy }
{ you see *me* as whole, but /I\ am constantly t.o.r.n. in |two|}
{ ~I~ j.u.s.t. (know) one *day* I w ill .:wake:. <from> this |nightmare|}
{ *what* w.o.u.l.d. it ~take~ for you to (smile) }
{ I will |s.t.a.n.d.| in your m o m e n t of darkness }
{ you will never u.n.d.e.r.s.t.a.n.d. b e c a u s e *you* are |not| me }
{ I see |right| t.h.r.o.u.g.h. <you> }
{ even when ~you~ b.l.i.n.k. I'll |be| there}
{|there| is too much <to> l.o.s.e. }
"How Do You Keep From Doing
It?"
"Do you ever wonder why i write?
It's like bleeding with words. When i'm writing,
i'm letting all my emotions flow out, just like i used
to let my blood. Instead of bleeding to get it all out, i
write it all down.
Do you ever wonder why i play volleyball? Writing is nice,
but when you need to feel that pain, the pain that tells
you you're still alive, it just isn't enough.
That's why i play. It hurts. It just doesn't make
me lose blood or scar myself. But it's enough to feel
the burn, to feel the blood pulsing through my veins.
The only downfall; I'm addicted to the feel of steel.
Writing and playing are great, but the more i turn to them,
the less they work. Quiting cutting is like cutting
smoking. You crave it, you want it, and ultimately, you
need it. You can use alternatives...but they only work for
so long. There's always that voice in the back of your
mind. Urging you to turn to the blade again, and it takes
every ounce of strength to silence it. And even then, even
with everything you're doing, it won't be enough in
the end."
Actual Conversation I Just Had With My
Cousin.
Okay, so Chloe.
I love you more than i think i have ever loved anyone.
You really are my best friend.
When i'm sad, depressed, angry, hungry, happy, no matter
what, you are always right by my side.
AND I FREAKING LOVE YOU FOR
THAT.
You've been by my side since pre-school.
I can honestly say, you have been with me through
EVERYTHING.
It's almost scary...
You were here when everyone else left.
Thank you for that.
You save my life on regular basis.
And i can say with confidence that we will be those weird 80 year
old best friends in the nursing home, having wheel chair races
and eating fried chicken. Living out our days laughing at
eachother's arm fat.
I Cannot Wait For That :)
But i really didn't make this to ramble on and on about
stupid things that you already know.
I made this to tell you how my i love you.
You are my sister, tire buddy, fail screamo buddy, zoo buddie,
wifey, best friendd, and my whole freaking world.
I never want to lose you Chler.
I LOVE YOU.