sometimes, breathing hurts.
breathe in the pain. feel the secondhand smoke sear your lungs as
your eyes water. feel the panic setting into your mind as you
realize breathing hurts. feel the
toxic air pervade your capillaries as it presses phantom butterfly
kisses along your aching jaw line. breathe in the pain.
and know that you are alive.
sometimes it's in these moments when everything else fades away
to a soft, fuzzy gray that you become the clearest. you're the
sharpest thing in your life and you're not going down
with out a fight. you've been here a hundred hundred times
before, and everytime you've stood tall. you've allowed the
pain to drive you to your knees with your forehead pressed against
the wall, and gone from a woman breaking into girl-sized pieces.
you've let your first love be the thing that shreds your will
to exist, and still you're standing tall.
come, my dear. breathe in the pain. and know that you are
you've lost a few fights before, and you will lose a few fights
again. you really can't win every time. you've never
learned, have you? you've heard the phrase "no one loves a
loser" too many times. but what you've failed to realize
is that no one loves a loser because a loser has lost
love. you're not a loser, darling. but you're not
a winner, either. you're facing your worst fear:
you're afraid of standing on the border between success and
failure, because a feather-soft touch can knock you over the edge.
you're afraid of what youv'e been doing your whole life,
every night, you walk the serrated-knife edge between failure and
living. sometimes, you've tripped and you've caught
yourself on your bleeding, blistered hands.
you thought you could climb up the sky, steal the sun, and capture
it in a jar. but the sun is not made of fireflies, and every wish
you've made on it can happen.
you just need to made them happen yourself. "the world is not
a wish-granting factory", and neither is it truly what
destroys our dreams. it pushes them and pushes them and waits for
the dreams to push back.
breathe in the pain. breathe in your dreams. breathe in
you are alive.
you are living.
you are dreaming.