SheDreamer

if I'm ever going to die one day, I want to die a hero. If someone lives because of my last breath, I wouldn't mind leaving this earth at all. If I go with my soul on fire and my sleeves tear stained, it would be worth it if the boy in Room 3 got a kidney transplant from me. I wonder if we're a match. Imagine his mothers smile when she hears her little boy is going to live. Who's going to tell her that her little boy is going to live, yes, but only to die another day.

Maybe I could die wicked. If someone else found eternal (short lived) love, and the hellfire I sowed like dandelion seeds revealed the silver threads that bound them together, I wouldn't mind dying. Wonder who's going to tell him that this love is wonderful now, but the man two cubicles away at work has been eyeing his princess's. And one of these days, she's going to open her mind to the possibilities of loving another just before she opens her legs. Wonder who's going to tell her that this love is wonderful, yes, until he comes home drunk every night for a month straight and the rent is still overdue. And now, he comes home missing one bloody bite of flesh every time he leaves.

Maybe, if I died a hero, I wouldn't be a nobody, or an anybody. But I do want to die (a hero). I do want to die,..

Sometimes its better to burn brighter then to burn long

sometimes, breathing hurts.


breathe in the pain. feel the secondhand smoke sear your lungs as your eyes water. feel the panic setting into your mind as you realize breathing hurts. feel the toxic air pervade your capillaries as it presses phantom butterfly kisses along your aching jaw line. breathe in the pain.

and know that you are alive.

sometimes it's in these moments when everything else fades away to a soft, fuzzy gray that you become the clearest. you're the sharpest thing in your life and you're not going down with out a fight. you've been here a hundred hundred times before, and everytime you've stood tall. you've allowed the pain to drive you to your knees with your forehead pressed against the wall, and gone from a woman breaking into girl-sized pieces. you've let your first love be the thing that shreds your will to exist, and still you're standing tall.

come, my dear. breathe in the pain. and know that you are alive.

you've lost a few fights before, and you will lose a few fights again. you really can't win every time. you've never learned, have you? you've heard the phrase "no one loves a loser" too many times. but what you've failed to realize is that no one loves a loser because a loser has lost love. you're not a loser, darling. but you're not a winner, either. you're facing your worst fear: mediocrity.

you're afraid of standing on the border between success and failure, because a feather-soft touch can knock you over the edge. you're afraid of what youv'e been doing your whole life, aren't you?

every night, you walk the serrated-knife edge between failure and living. sometimes, you've tripped and you've caught yourself on your bleeding, blistered hands.

you thought you could climb up the sky, steal the sun, and capture it in a jar. but the sun is not made of fireflies, and every wish you've made on it can happen.

you just need to made them happen yourself. "the world is not a wish-granting factory", and neither is it truly what destroys our dreams. it pushes them and pushes them and waits for the dreams to push back.

breathe in the pain. breathe in your dreams. breathe in resolution.

you are alive.

you are living.

you are dreaming.

funny, i've never heard of the "Pristine Chapel" before. I have heard; however, of the Sistine Chapel. lol

Oopppps, that was what I had meant *facepalm*

but dearest, you have not failed me. you broke your promises, yes, but they should not have been followed.

please understand this: do not suffer for me. let me suffer for you! that is why i exist. all my life has been training to take and accept pain for others. let me use my skills to serve you; to make your life better.

and if you must suffer, then share your burden with me. i need to hear about your suffering. even if i cannot make it any better, i must know! i must be there in your suffering and in your trials like you're there for me.

please, know that i love you and i desperately want you!
-SheDreamer

What more can I do, other than beg for you to talk to me? I cannot help you carry your burden because you will not let me. Please, my guardian demon, please let me help! I love you and I want you to be okay. I need you to be okay. You have to be okay.

Come to me! My arms are ready to hold you and my eyes are ready to cry for you and my ears are ready to listen to you and my heart is ready to love you. My knees have hit the floor and I am waiting to be allowed to serve you the only way I know how. I am waiting to help make it better, please let me!

Please, let me love you.

-SheDreamer

let me hold you; let me warm your heart again. you have saved me from myself, and from my darkness. now let me save you from yours.
i love you,
-SheDreamer <3

I'm here, my guardian demon. Let me make your pain dissolve, let me take your pain myself. i'm here, ocean. send your pain up to the stars, send your pain up to me.

the sky made be made of stone, but the moon isn't. and she loves you.

Dear Ocean,
I've been hurt before. How do you think I became lifeless? I crave your touch, it's true, but I, too, am held back. Do you not see these light cone ropes that chafe at my already raw skin? I can fight, yes, but to what end? Do I fall only to be hurt? Do I listen to the Sun Gods when they warn me of your past deception?

Or do I listen to you, my dearest ocean? My heart is confused, as is my head. The only thing that is constant is this: You have hurt me once; and it cannot be repaired. But can we start over?

I desire you. I desire your love, your touch, your soft breath on my skin. But for now I must hang here in Limbo in a noose not of my design, but of my deserving.

Love,
-moon

This is so familiar... where is it from?

-SheDreamer

i got it from this (http://sadflesh.tumblr.com/post/66224824961/rlysadteen-each-man-kills-the-thing-he-loves) post. the person who posted it deleted the original post though.

Certainly, they might hear her cries; but they only check wrists, not thighs. [I've got scars all over. And I really, really wish I hadn't started. Because now I've been devalued so far that I don't even make the category of "damaged goods."]

-SheDreamer

(sad face) poor girl! no one deserves to be treated like that.

[my dad told me the same thing once.]

Keep your head up! Stay strong, love!
-SheDreamer

Curse you, witty!
Why can't I favorite more than once?!

-SheDreamer

Don't cut, sweetheart. I promise you it's not worth it in the long run.

Someday, you're gonna look back at your scars and you're going to feel ashamed of them. You'll never go to a beach again because you'll be too scared of the awkward stares. You'll withdraw from everyone, including your friends and family. You'll find it hard to look into another person's eyes because you'll be terrified they find out.

And it's going to escalate.

It's going to get worse and worse until you find yourself cutting in the bathroom between classes. You'll clutch your knife close like it's your best friend.

Cutting will rip you to shreds and leave you gasping on the floor in absolute agony.

Don't cut, sweetheart. I promise you're too beautiful for that.

Praying for You,
-SheDreamer

I wish I'd known all this sooner, because thats me now:L
Thanks though(: It cheered me up <3

(beams happily and sniffles pathetically) ohh youu. do you really think that i deserve to be loved?

i guess this answers that question for me...

<3,
-SheDreamer

he's already reached that point. and it's killing me....

i'm now his "best friend". i like it better when i was his "girl-bestfriend". the one he wanted to share his life with.

but now...he know's i'm not good enough. and you know the really sad part?

he's a witty boy....

-SheDreamer

tell him how you feel, or it will eat you alive until you do. I promise. pretending like it isn't breaking you won't change anything, it will only hurt you more in the end. if he already knows, or if he isnt interested, thats his own fault and hes missing out. that way, once you know that hes not worth your time, you can pick up your pieces quicker and find someone whos truly worth your time. its a tricky situation, so just do what you know is right.

did you come up with this yourself? it's fabulous!
and, if it is yours, may i please use this to write a poem? i'll send it to you when i'm done.
All the Best!
-SheDreamer

love, beauty, success

(cries pathetically)

ahah awhhhhh *hands tissue* x

wonder if my math teacher will accept that as a legitimate answer.

dear ocean,
scream. cry. beg. plead. i'm listening to your every tearshout and my heart breaks for you.

i've already sliced my skin open with star-spears. i've already bled out galaxies and screamed out my pain in asteroids and cried out my rage in meteor showers.

but ocean, i can't stand to see you lose yourself like i have. i'm spelling out my feelings for you in "Andromeda." i'm telling you that i'll love you as long as the North Star hangs in the sky. i'm yelling my determination to be there for you, to be strong for you in "Draco."

the night sky is my canvas, and i'm a painter. i'm painting your face in stardust and placing the sun in the center of your eyes.

i'm not special at all, dearest ocean, i'm only a reflection of what i see. and i reflect the light i see in your eyes when i shine at night.

but sometimes, i break. i run and hide from the world and only you are able to find me in the vacancy left behind.

please, let me fight the silver monster for you. the monster is silver, as is the moon, and the moon is a woman-- i'm the silver woman.

darling, i'm not your saving grace. i'm the silver blade that laughs in your pain just as much as i'm the moon that weeps in the face of it.

please, ocean, save me.

find me in this void bereft of love, bereft of light, bereft of hope. remind me what a smile felt like. remind me what laughter looks like. remind me what love sounds like.

remind me, because i've forgotten and no matter how hard i try-- i can't remember.

but, beloved ocean, i do remember what pain felt like. so scream your pain into me, i am here to add my voice to yours. cry your anger with me, my star-tears reflecting in your soft skin.

please, ocean, remember that the moon loves you. she loves you from a million miles away and from a million lightyears ago, and for a million lightyears to come.

know you're not alone, my ocean, as you hurt.

love,
-the moon