SheWolf

Dentist: *Pokes Gums With Sharp Pointy Instrument Of Death*
Dentist: ''Your Gums Are Bleeding Because You Don't Floss''
Me: It couldn't have anything to do with you stabbing me with that pointy thing right?

Sorry, I can't today.

My sister's friend's mother's
grandpa's brother's grandson's
uncle's fish died.

And yes, it was tragic.

*Calling my mom at work*

Me: *In an awful British accent* Mummy!
Her: Hi, dear.
Me: *Shoving cupcake in my mouth* These cupcakes are delicious.
Her:
Me: What time will you be home?
Me: I'm lonely!
Me: Don't forget to get me some toothpaste, my breath needs to be fresh!
Her:
Me: Seriously though, what time will you be home?
Her:
Me:
Her: Honey, I think you have the wrong number.
Me:
Her:
Me: Well...
Me: This is awkward..
Me: *Hangs up*

*Calls my mom*

Her: What?!
Me: Aha! This is my mummy!
 

*meeting One Direction*
 

You: Hey boys, will you sign my album please? (Trying to be confident)
Them: Sure!
Harry: *whispering to Liam* It's her...
Liam: *whispering to Harry* I know, bro. Stay cool!
Louis: *whispering to Zayn* Zayn... it's her! She's standing right in front of us!
Zayn: *whispering to Louis* Wow, I could scream right now!
Niall: OMFG IT'S YOU WE LOVE YOU! WE ALWAYS STALK YOUR TWITTER AND IMAGINE US MEETING YOU! YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS! ME AND THE BOYS ALWAYS FIGHT OVER YOU!
You: ...
Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn: *facepalm*
Josh Devine: *Runs up to you* OMG GUYS IT'S HER!
Niall and Josh: *Scream and hug each other*
You: I love you!
Boys: *Faces light up*
Josh: NIALL, DID YOU HEAR THAT!?
Boys: *Jump over the table and hug you*
Zayn: Now... who gets to date her??
You: *wakes up*
You: *falls off your bed*
You: *hits your bed side table*
You: *dies*

I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet.

 

teacher: where's your book?!

student: at home.

teacher: and what's it doing there?
student: having more fun than me.