Shmeh19283746

Bout ready to draw the blade.

The depression i suffer from.
I realized.
It never goes away.  
Never goes away.
Never goes. 
Never.

 

Eh... Sooo That boy i've talked about..
"Matt"  Haha. He's soo gone. Luckily i've got someone new.  we've been together three weeks, which has felt like months.
 He just recently drove 3.5 hours to spend a weekend with me and i've never been so happy.
 I think this will last.
:)

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Start typing.
Have fun.
 

I know I may not see my life this way, and I should start taking my own advice.  Ladies, and Gentlemen, you were brought into this world for a reason, each and every one of us have a reason to walk this earth, and live this once in a lifetime (No pun intended) opportunity to do millions upon millions of actions, and experience so many feelings.  If you ever attempted suicide, or even thought of it, even tried, or have harmed yourself in any sort of way, realize this, you have one life, once it's gone, you will regret it.  Your life is like a drawing board, if you don't like where it's going or what's on it, clean it, and draw what you want to see.  I've gone through a lot of difficult times, and nearly killed myself, I should of been dead, and I realized, I should of died.  I should be dead, right now, but no, I'm having fun, I moved on, and i'm experiencing the most I can get from living a healthy, happy life.  Girls and boys, if you're sad, remember you're not the only one going through a difficult time, and you're not standing alone.  I'm here for you, I don't know you, and I don't need to know you.  I can completely understand anything you're going through.  I'm only 15, and older girls would laugh at me and say stuff like, "You're only fifteen, stop looking for attention" "You haven't even lived yet, Get a life"  Yeah, well to those girls, they're struggling too, and they just want everyone else to struggle.  They're right, i'm 15, I haven't lived much of my life yet, that doesn't mean I haven't experienced much.  My parents got divorced, I've had 10 surgeries, I have bones in places where they shouldn't be which cause ultimate pain, my mom or step father have life threatening conditions, but you know what? I still wake up every morning, and I realize, I lived another day, I survived yesterday, and i'm stronger than ever, and I will make it through this day, and I will do it without cutting, or thinking about suicide.  I'll go to soccer practice and I won't have to worry if the older girls are laughing behind my back, or thinking negatively about me, because you know what.  We are all individuals, none of us are like one another.  And I think, What others think about me, is just a thought, but the positive things I think about myself, is one more step further into my healthy lifestyle.  One more step into being stronger than I was before.  I don't longer see these scars on my legs as "body-ruining" "weakling" scars.  No I see them as battle wounds. For moving forward from that low point and suriving those terrible days.  There is a lot of thought in this paragraph, what I mean by all of this.  No one can control your emotions.  Only you can.  No one can decide what you are like.  Only you can.  No one can tell you what to do, and push you around.  Only you can push yourself forward into making right decisions, and having faith and hope.  I walk beside anyone who has life troubles, anyone who needs a friend, I am here.  Anyone who thinks they are alone, or anyone who is afraid to speak up.  I am here for you, and I will always be here for anyone who needs a friend.  

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~~~~~~   FML   ~~~~~~

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WHY
AMI

SO
PARANOID.
 SRSLY .
 NERVES.
CALM THE
FLUCK
DOWN . 


dfsa
fsd
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sdf
Kill me Now .
 URGH