Skimrande

Writing a new story  
it still has you in it 
i miss you.

I remember when I said it has you in it.  
It doesn't anymore. 
I'm trying to move on. 
is that ok?

It's scary to see how much has changed and also nothing has changed. 
if you told me this year I'd lose my comfort job 
if you told me this year I'd lose my best friend  
if you told me this year I'd lose myself 
I wouldn't believe you. 
I don't know where to go from here. 

02:19am
I wonder if i can ever forgive myself

02:21am
I only knew them..
I don't know how to do this without them.

02:24am 
you pushed for so much 
and when i can finally give it.
you stop pushing. 
so i push  
and you avoid.

02:28am 
Alex would say something to calm me down 
no one will know me like he did. 
Eli would distract me with a show or song 
no one will make me smile like he did. 
David would tell me shut up.
no one says it like him. 

02:43am 
i feel lost and i want 
a giant redo. 
can i go back to spring
when you wanted
to leave me for chris.  
i would let you now. 

02:31 
I should sleep 
I should run 
...
I'm not okay 

02:45am 
I miss tea time 
9pm will always 
remind me of her. 
i'm sorry mel.