Sonnets_In_The_Sun

this   time   last year
i hadn't even pictured myself loving you,
now i can't stop. its like you've poisoned
me and i'm intoxicated by you. i can't eat,
i can't sleep. i can't even smile or laugh.
love, what is it? is it the feeling that you
get when you're with someone? or is it
the pain you feel when they're gone?

and i lay awake at night,
and i wonder.. do you miss me? do you miss us?
do  you  ever cry remembering  what  we used to
be?  do you ever think about what we could ever
be? do you wish on a star, on 11:11, that you can
get a second chance from me? do you wish that i
was still yours? because let me tell you this babe,
i  am  still  all  yours. i  promise  with  all my heart.

My Last Breath
Part 13

I woke that night attatched to IV. I was so confused.
I looked around, trying to find someone to ask what was going on. But all I could see was Declan in the next bed.
"Declan?"
No answer.
"Declan!?"
Still nothing.
I tried to get up..But i was attatched to so many machines it was almost impossible.
So I tried the nurse's button.
She came running.
"Leighlani! You're awake!"
"Yes," I was confused again.
"Well, you remember what happened?"
"Sorta."
"You fainted and banged your head pretty hard," She said, glancing at my forehead.
"How's Declan?"
"Declan.. He's um.. Well the surgery didn't quite work. They were unable to remove the tumor."
"What?"
"They were unable to--"
"No,I heard you. What's gonna happen?"
"Sweetie.. im so sorry. He's in a coma."
"Coma.." I repeated dryly.
My whole world stopped. Time stopped. My heart stopped.
I looked over at his hospital bed. "Declan.."
"I'm soo sorry." The nurse said, stroking my hair. "But you can go home today."
I sighed. I knew i probably didn't have a choice. I started to cry.
"Hon.. Don't cry.. He might wake up..." She hugged me and tried to console me.
But nothing could console me. He was in a coma. I'd never see his eyes sparkle, his smile light up, i'd never feel his arms around me, or his lips on mine.
Later that day, I had to leave. They MADE me leave. I was no longer stable.
So i said my goodbyes.
"Declan, i know you can't hear me. But I'm leaving and probably never coming back." I felt the tears begin to stream. "It's not your fault, it's not even my fault, but you're in a coma, and i can't sit here and wait for you to wake up when the chances are slim. Don't get me wrong, baby. I'll love you forever. With all my heart. There is no possible way i could ever forget you. You'll always be my last thought before i fall asleep, the first thought when i wake up. As far as i'm concerned, you're the best thing that's ever happeend to me. And maybe this coma will put you in peace so you don't have to suffer anymore. I know how much Leukemia is hurting you. I can only imagine, actually. I just want you to know that you are my life, you are my world, my entire existence. You made me the luckiest girl ever when you said yes. You made me the happiest girl ever when you kissed me. You drove me crazy when you said you loved me, but now you're dying and I'm the saddest girl in the world in the worst mental state. You are the best person ever, a better person than i can ever hope to be. Declan Matthew Cash, I love you, always and forever."
And with that, i kissed him on the lips, and let him go.
*****************************************************************************
TODAY
Looking back on that day, I still get teary-eyed. Declan Cash was, and still is, the love of my life. That was ten years ago, I am now twenty-four.
Declan, in his coma, was pretty much gone. People stopped visiting him. Well, everyone, except his family because they were the only ones who never lost hope.
They held his hand and read him stories from the newspaper.
Just so he would never lose touch with the world.
I'll never forget that phone call that brought me to tears.
The phone call that made the last ten years of my life seem like nothing.
The phone call that made me happier than i ever have been.
The phone call that told me he was awake and cancer-free.
Declan and I are getting married tomorrow.

THE END* <3

My Last Breath
Part Eleven

[Once again, I'm really sorry. Trying to finish the year well ! Once summer starts I'll post more often.]

I stared at the floor of the waiting room. The nurse said it was late, but I was used to sleeping there, so she brought me a cotton blanket and an uncomfortable pillow. Oh, the things we do for love...
"Leighlani?"
I looked up and saw the nurse. "Yeah."
"Would you like to come in and see Declan before he goes into the operation?"
"Yes, thank you!" I got up and practically ran into the operating room, which looked like a regular hospital room except it was bigger.
"Hi Declan," I said softly, and went over to stroke his cheeks.
"Lani," He replied, almost whispering. His face lit up and he smiled.
I smiled too. "How are you, baby?"
"Are you kidding?" He said, gesturing to all the machines he was hooked up to. "I'm as healthy as I've ever been." He laughed weakly.
I grinned, but it faded quickly when he started coughing. "How long til the surgery."
"Few hours." There was an awkward silence for a few moments. Then I spoke.
"What are the chances?"
"The doctor said 66%."
"That you'll live?"
"Yeah.. not exactly settling though.."
I tried to change the subject. "Eric and Katrina have their prom tomorrow."
"I know. I feel bad that I'm gonna miss it. I've never seen someone who was about to go to a prom, and this would probably be my last and only chance.."
"Stop it, Dec."
"Stop what? You know it's true, even if I make it through the operation, I would only have a little bit longer to live."
"Please, stop. I don't want to fight about this. Your surgery is in a few hours, and I want to spend it talking, just in case--"
"See?! YOU Dont even think im going to make it!"
"DECLAN! PLEASE STOP! You know i'm just being precautious! Goodness! Sometimes i think you take me for granted! I'm giving up my entire life so I can be with you and half the time you're not awake. You don't even care enough to stop fighting with me so we can spend what might be our last few hours together. You know i love you. So why are you doing this to me?!"
He stopped. "I'm sorry, Leighlani."
I looked at the ground, not answering.
"You're right. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"I'm not mad. I forgive you."
"Leighlani?"
"Yes, Dec."
"I love you with all that i am, all that i was, all that i could be. I love you more than i love myself. You are gorgeous and funny and smart and sweet and adorable and unique.. I could go on for days. All i want you to know is that I love you so much. I really do. Even if i leave you here, don't cry for me. I'll be up in heaven, watching over you."
I could feel the tears coming. "Declan, I--"
He held up his limp hand. "These past few months, you've been my angel. So when I die.. I'll be yours. Up there, in the clouds, loving you until the day you die, until you come up and join me. I love you."
I was crying now. Bawling. "I don't even know what to say. I love you, too, Declan."
He smiled. "Oh, and if the whole heaven thing doesn't work out, I'll be sure to haunt you."
"Funnnny, kid." I laughed. I leaned in to kiss his forehead ,but he pulled me in instead and kissed me on the lips. It was deep and passionate, like we had just seen each other for the first time in three years.
But in this case, it was goodbye.
[ Just in case. ]