SpecialSomeone

Status: i may seem calm cool and collected, but really, im falling to pieces.
Joined: January 29, 2012
Last Seen: 8 years
Birthday: April 4
user id: 269010
Location: planet earth
Gender: F
We can not lie about us we have to be ourselves and be proud of who we are





im me,
take it or leave it .



Quotes by SpecialSomeone

FOLLOW MY WATTPAD (:

aalexxanndraa





1.15.13.

the happiest ive been in a very long time.

tyler <3 ;*

 








making every kinda of silence,
takes a lot to realize..





i have a new bestfriend,
his name is greg.
hes super nice,
and maybe, just maybe,
he'll be there for me.
until the end.
 







physical pain gets rid of mental pain.
 




I am the face behind the label;


I am Real. I am your co-worker. Your best friend. Your neighbour. Your spouse. Your sibling. Your parent. Your lover. Your child. I am the person beside you on the train and near you at church. The person passing you on the street. I am everywhere and anyone. Yet l am nowhere and no one, since your eyes are blinded by fear an your mind by ignorance. We are just alike, you & I, me & you, yet we are not the same. For l bear the Label, the unwanted stigma of generations. Thus I am routinely ridiculed and detested, neglected an stereotyped. Forever misunderstood, simplified, restricted. I am master of deception since society deems it necessary for me to conceal my afflictions. I don a mask of pleasantness daily, yet beneath it l am in turmoil lest you discover my terrible secrets. Every day l attempt to escape the prison within me, and the demons that haunt my very soul. The chains that bind me have weakened from the mighty strength brought by knowledge. Yet l remain...trapped within my mind, unable to every truly be free. Randomly exited from society, condemned to the confines of my own being. Arbitrarily sentenced to endless punishment for a nonexistent crime. Convicted by a fictional judge and jury, blind to my protests and deaf to my pleas. I am not guilty of wrong doing. I have committed no transgression, yet l suffer continuous agony. I am the victim of a mysterious, unexplainable injustice. Authorized by the universe, chance and fate, ironically enforced from within. My potential is overlooked, my contributions unseen. Only my superficial Label is visible to the untrained, uncaring, shallow eye. Thus I am discarded, abandoned. Left to observe the world from behind a shattered window pane that distorts the vision of my reality from yours. Always on the outside looking in. shamed into silently enduring infinite torture, eternal frustration.Forever isolated, cast aside, forgotten...My suffering is real, although you may not see it. My fears are real, although you make light of them. My feelings are real, although you ignore them. Do not underestimate my capabilities. Rest assured, l will prove you wrong time and again. Do not brazenly assume to know what it is like. You cannot begin to comprehend my existence unless you have lived inside my head, amidst the confusion and tempest in the darkest corners of the deepest reaches of my mind, my soul. Do not dare judge me according to your misguided perceptions. Do not callously and thoughtlessly dismiss em, for you do NOT know me, despite what you believe. Your assumptions about me are inherently flawed. Tainted by fear, clouded by prejudice, poisoned by ignorance, colored by scorn. You cannot fathom the frustration and confusion felt when your own mind betrays you, becomes your worst enemy. What remains? What do you believe? What do you ignore? Who am l? what is REALLY me? How do l distinguish myself from the parasite, the insidious beast that invaded me, consumes my every moment? THIS is the reality of My existence. The darkness and anguish that envelop me attempt to smother me..drown me. The terror that overwhelms my core tries to devour me.destroy me, yet l remain ..to fight another valiant, hidden battle for my very survival each dawn. Sadly, often the worst pain inflicted comes not from within me, but from outside me. From the society that attempts to label me, limit me. The society that attempts to silence me, ignore me. Relegating me to the outskirts of civilization. Questioning my morals, my despair, my reality, my torment's very existence. I may falter at times, struggling to overcome the unearen infirmities of my own brain, yet l refuse to succumb to ignorance from without! I may not conform to your definitions of normalcy. But l beg of you - do not belittle me or berate me, as l already find monumental faults with myself. My mind taunts me, proclaiming that l will NEVER be good enough or normal enough or worthy enough. Overpowering feelings of inadequacy and doubt plague me, shadowing my every step, my every breath, mocking my persistent attempts to fit in, survive, excel. Yet wearily l journey on in my quest. Endlessly searching for the elusive summit, that which in obscure (albeit temporarily?) from my view...Happiness, freedom, peace of mind, hope, control, confidence, respect, acceptance, love, answers. A life. A Future. A Chance. Inching ever closer..Do not deny me this intrinsic human right. I am no less, and no more, deserving of it than you. That which you accept unquestionally, unappreciatively, is my ultimate objective. That which you unknowingly take for granted, is all l desire, all l long for, all l crave with every fibre of my being. I am not looking for your pity, just your understanding. I do not wish you to fear me, simply accept me. I am not seeking an excuse. I merely desire your compassion. I am the face of mental illness, and l am Real.

 

 A conversation that both killed me, and saved me:

him; moving on with never be talking to you again... I could never move on.
me;  to me, moving on is when you find someone else to love.
him; oh.
me;  yea, you've moved on.
him; who says I can't move back?
me; you've made yourself clear.


 

a suicide note;

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this quote. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. Just know, you ARE NOT ALONE. I will be there for you.

- alexandra.rose.

 
tell me u love me.
Chapter 2
"why do i have to go to school? im immortal. i cant go in 500 years!" i continue to rant to me 'mom'. she isnt really my mom. she just gave me the gift of immortalitly.

"people will start getting suspicious. we dont need that. JUST GO!" she shouts. i let out a shriek of frusteration, than go to my room. making an effort to slam my door and launched myself onto my bed.

my room was red, with a king sized bed with a black blanket and pillows to match the decor. my bed was soft enough to dissapear in. i lay there and let it swallow my body. i thought about how much school would have changed since the last time i have been there. Sara - vampire mom - probably enrolled me in second year or secondary school. but now, they call it grade ten. great. i drift to sleep thinking about tomorrow.

****

"RAYNA! LETS GO! SCHOOL IN ONE HOUR!" im (rudly) awaken from my sleep and i sigh. Dragging my feet to my personal washroom to shower. 20 minutes later i started on my make-up. i chose a black eyeliner for my eletric green eyes. the black making the green stand out. i put on a thick appliaction of mascara and a pale pink lip gloss. i have 30 minutes left so i leave my hair to dry pin straight.

walking to my closet, i catch a glimps of my dimond necklace laying on my jewlery box. it was my birth mothers. i take a moment to think back. my father commited suicide after my mother got kille din a hit and run car accident. i had no grandparnts or relatives. i was left in the streets. a man found me and was wasted past anyones imagination. you could smell him a mile away.

he came up to me and tried to take my clothes off, when a woman - sara - took him out. it was fast an graceful. the rest is a blur. anything before, and after that night, i have no memory. thats when the change occured for me.

I snap back to reality and notice i was zoned out for 5 minutes. i quickly go to my closet and pick out a lime green tank-top, black sweater, and black skinny jeans. I grabbed my white flats and was out the door and into the car in no time.


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Please farvorite if you read this chapter.
second chapter, and you have gotten to know a bit more about rayna. (pronounced rain-a). any comments are great!

you are all beautiful.
-alexandra.rose
 

Whenever I get mad, I picture a T-Rex tryign to pick up a basketball.