Spill

Status:
Joined: February 17, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 274932

You have entered the domain of the Unsane.  
This is where I spill. 
I say what I can't on facebook, or on my other witty. 
No one knows about this account. 
No one even has the email I made this account with. 
You are looking at the deepest, darkest, most personal thoughts I have.  Do not judge me.  
I believe in God, with my whole heart.  And I struggle with knowing whether or not I'm in the right.  
I have family issues, but who doesn't?
I have stresses, but most of the time I'm ok.  Really. I am. 
This account is used when nothing else helps - when no one is there for me, and when I have to tell somone what is going on in my head.

Quotes by Spill

I quit Life. 
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quit
I've realized that my fantasies are all just my longings to make what I feel inside visible to the world.
I want the things that have happened to me to be apparent to all.
It's not use handling things well if no one notices.
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longing
It's been a year since he killed himself. I feel like I'm the only one who remembers.
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sad
And suddenly all of my insecurities are back. 
I feel too fat to be seen in public. I'm hungry and I'm scared to eat. 
I feel too smart to relate to people. I have homework but I'm not doing it because I know no one else will.
There's a thousand things I feel right now but I can't put them into words. 
Why do I even have feelings? 
This is dumb. 
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advice
I'm so sick of hiding. 

I don't sing anymore because that's my best friend's thing and I don't want to step on her toes. 
I mess up my lines during drama club so that my boy friend doesn't feel bad when he messes up. 
I let my classmates think I suck at math because if I didn't, they'd all be annoyed that "I'm good at everything".
I gained some weight (by not dancing as much as I'd like) because my older sister was upset that I was smaller than her. 

I've been hiding parts of me in order to be accepted my entire life. 
I'm sick of hiding.
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advice
And... Why is it that food hates me? 

Or, is the question: why is it that I hate food? 
I don't really hate food. I love to eat...
I just... feel guilty afterwards. :/
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advice
Ok. 

I quit. 
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away messages
I haven't vented in a while
and I need to vent now
so I'm going to. 
If you have a problem with that, 
stop reading this quote. 
Thank you. 

I love him to death, and my fear is, that I'll actually love him to death. 
He thinks about suicide all the time. And he hurts himself. This kills me. 
He wants to be with me. I want to be with him. I won't be with him. 
I won't be with him because I can't be with someone who is as derpessing as he is. I love him, but he's literally killing now, so how much worse would it be if I dated him? 
I won't be with him because this is my track record: date a suicidal kid, he lives; do not date a suicidal kid, he dies. So now, he's suicidial. I want to date him because I love him. But I won't because I know deep down I'd be trying to "save" him. I can't do that. 
I won't be with him because there is another kid that I should be with. The first boy has my heart. The second has my head. 
Love is not all my problems. 
Death is. 
I'm so messed up because around 6:00 a.m. on February 23, 2012 (it was a Thursday) the kid I didn't date, killed himself. 
And ever since then,
my head has been playing tricks on me. 

That is all. 
For now. 
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away messages
-_-

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funny
It's never going to be different, is it? 



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inspirational