Repression
Chapter 1
“Dammit, Miranda, you look like a damn disgrace.
This is a place of worship and you look like hell,” my
mom snapped as she tried to smooth out my hair and pull down
the skirt of my dress for the God only knows which number time
this morning.
I shrugged
indignantly. I didn’t know why she dragged me to church
anyway. I didn’t know why she insisted on going every
Sunday herself, considering whatever she does on Saturday
nights is far from holy. I guess this is her idea of penance. I
guess she still has a little bit of a conscience and she feels
like she owes God something. I gave up on God a long time ago,
though, so I have no real reason to be here. That’s why
my Sunday dresses are always a little bit too short and my
heels are little bit too high: so God knows I’ve given up
on trying to please Him.
We entered
the building and walked to the spot my mother had claimed as
her own when she became a member of the church--middle column,
eighth pew back, right side--to find a family of six already
seated there. I tried to distance myself from my mother by
observing the large stain-glass portrait of the Nativity
located in the other direction because I knew she was going to
confront this poor family and ask them to move, as was
customary of all people who have been members of the church for
a long time.
“Uh,
hello. Excuse me, folks, but this is our spot. We would really
like to sit here, if you don‘t mind,” my mother
said in her most sugary sweet tone. It made me
sick.
“Oh,
we’re sorry. Of course. We’ll find somewhere else
to sit,” responded the older male, who I assumed was the
father.
“Guess
that means we can just leave now,” suggested the only
other male, who looked to be about my age and also apparently
shared my disinterest in church.
“Son…” reproached the
father.
The boy
obediently shuffled out of the pew with the rest of his family,
but not before I could catch his eyes and give him a smirk and
an empathetic nod. He quickly looked away from me, but not
before I noticed the sly smile crossing his lips at my
gesture.
“Hey,
new people usually sit in the back of the left column,”
my sister Marissa chimed in with the same obnoxiously sweet
tone that my mother used.
The father
of the new family and nodded and my mother, Marissa, and I took
our rightful, God-given spots in the middle column, eighth pew
back, right side of Seaside Baptist Church. I rolled my eyes
and hoped the people around us noticed.
The preacher
came forward and began to speak, and instead of committing to
my usual distraction of daydreaming or counting the number of
people asleep, I decided to observe the family of six my mother
drove away. The father and the boy had dark skin and dark eyes
and dark hair, while the mother and the older daughter were
pale with wavy brown hair and lighter eyes, and the younger
daughters seemed like a mix of the two. The mother and father
and three daughters were sitting up straight and listening very
intuitively to the message and following along carefully with
the Bibles open in their laps, but the boy was leaning forward
with his elbows in his lap and his chin in his hands, casually
observing his surroundings. I smiled at the sight of the boy,
who, like myself, was the black sheep of his family; something
about him made me proud.
(I know this
chapter is hella slow and boring but I swear it gets
better.)