TheCovertComic

I always think before I speak.  I always think "I think I'll speak now."

He that goeth barefoot should not plant thorns.  Likewise he that goeth shod; thorn planting being verily a foolish occupation.

I wouldn't describe myself as risk-averse.  Describing myself could get me in trouble.

I'm no longer flirting with disaster – disaster and I are now formally engaged. 

Is the 'is' in Richard Brinsley Sheridan's quote 'Never say more than is necessary' necessary?

30 Days Hath February

A calendrically accurate, more lyrical alternative to the traditional '30 Days Hath September.'

30 days hath February
Minus two in most years, while April won't vary
Likewise June, September, and November
But add a day for months 1, 3, 5, 7, 8, 10, plus December

My daughter says she wants to smash the patriarchy. 

I told her "When you're 21, buy me a bottle of Tanqueray – you'll have the patriarchy smashed in an hour."

Diseases have names.  Cures are anonymous.

I can't handle the truth?  That's not what the truth said last night.

There's no business like show business, but there's lots 'o businesses like matzo businesses.