You’re sitting in
your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece
of paper in front of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin
again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my
family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide
it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter.
You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t
know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what
you’re going through, you’re alone or at least
that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re
alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody. It’s night, and you
slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness.
And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all. No body
cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the
following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and
knocks on your door. She doesn't know you can’t hear her
she doesn't know you’re gone. She knocks a few more
times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from
your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on
the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have
already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the
energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to
your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your
hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears
escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his
other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames
herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all
those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over
something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being
there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at
work for long. Nobody cares, right? 8:34. There’s a knock on
your classroom door it’s the school principle. She looks more
worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the
students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later
announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called
you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always
copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming
himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw
things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The
teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream
at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class.
People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did.
They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never
talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right? Your
siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re
gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times
she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your
stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model.
She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she
told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even
when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets
home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at
himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played
pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over
things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that
you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?
It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all
this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent
to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday
still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to
come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They
don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re
feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept
for nights it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and
screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who
would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied
your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I
right? Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But
she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for
two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she
can’t she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now.
Never. It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody
comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big
smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to
say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone
misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you
don’t, and you won’t. Still think nobody cares about
you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care
about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other
day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you
kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones
who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way
out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it
does have its ups and downs everyone has their bad days. Sometimes
people go through tough times in their lives like you’re
probably going through now but bad times come and go. You might not
see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No
matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your
life. Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself ~ how
would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think
of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more
tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable. If
after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that
can help you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and
I’ll be more than happy to listen to you and try to help you
feel better. There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbors,
adults, councilors ~ they’re all there for you whenever you
need
them....