XxbobbijoloverxX

Its been one month today. One month since I've done any drugs. I'm proud of myself and yet I hate myself ever time I think about it I think about what I've done I ruined my life. I cheated on the women I love with my friend and I don't get why I guess I was lonely and felt like there was nobody there but that was all the drugs. I'm sober now and I regret ever starting cause I lied and cheated and I know people don't trust me anymore but I've changed. Nothing is the same and I guess I'm sad cause thing will never be the same but I just want to start fresh. Back at day one. 

"I'm not in it to win it I'm in it for you." I keep saying these words over and over cause its true I love you. BJS I LOVE YOU I WISH YOU COULD BE BJR ALREADY. good night everybody in the world have a happy thanksgiving. And happy thanks giving Bella. 

I'm sad I don't know why I'm just sad. 

I made the biggest mistake of my life and it's irrevirsible. No matter how hard I try. And she broke up with me cause I made the biggest mistake of my life. I chose to stay out in Here instead of Vegas and I feel I can never be good enough for her cause I won't be there in person but I'll always be there for her and I'm thinking about doing something very stupid. But I won't be out here ruining my life I could be on my own. But if I do I would ruin my life too. 

I cant help but to look back and think of all the good times. There's one time in perticular that I can say I was the happiest I have ever been and I think I ever will be. It was when you said "yes". I only knew you for about two hours and I remeber trying to act cool lol. But you saw threw me like an open window. I want to tell you I have lied to you and I want to die because I can't believe I could ever lie to someone who loved me so much and wanted me to be so great. You could tell when I was lying and when I was sad even if I tried my hardest to hold it in you never let me. You used that cute voice and amazing smile to charm me. You say to yourself can I trust him. Well before you couldn't that was the old me that didn't care what happened I was so high I couldnt see straight. But I have been sober for a week now a d that's why I've been sick and tired. The only thing that has changed is I'm really me and I'm going to stay like this forever no matter what happens I'm sorry Bella but I lied to you and I can never forgive myself for that and all I can think about is the feelin I got when you sent me those words and the feeling of someone reaching in and grabbing my heart and squeezing it. I became heavily addicted to alcohol and I'm two weeks sober for that. All i did was drink till I forgot about you but I couldn't and I'm never going to lie again I haven't and I never will. Oh and you the first person I could say I love you to. I couldn't even say it to my own grandmother on her birthday. All I mean I say is sorry i love you and sorry that I do love you I keep making your life more complicated and I'm sorry. Wow this is really long if you read this far then tell me you did so I know. Just text me two words PURPLE ELEPHANT. It makes no sense but hey that's me. Love ya ;)

I'm happy but I'm sad I'm happy I said it and sad because I can never say why im sad. My whole world just is falling and when I pick up the pieces I see what's the most important thing. 
I see it now and I realized I have lost it 😢and I'll probably never get it back. 
99% of my body gave up but that 1% is my heart and it hasn't given up yet.

If your reading this you know what I'm talking about if you never want to talk to me again then comment on this and tell me yourself cause your boyfriend I see took over your voice. You know what don't comment call me you know my number i want to hear It from you if cause it hurts more if you have to hide like a coward I'm not mad I just want to hear it from you. 

If your reading this you know what I'm talking about if you never want to talk to me again then comment on this and tell me yourself cause your boyfriend I see took over your voice. 

I have found out that hate goes along way but love goes farther so hate is no longer in my vocabulary. 

You Will Be Kissed tomorrow: