When I first started climbing the tree of love, I
knew better than to pick the fruit hanging lowest
from the tree, the fruit that I didn't want
because I am not desperate.
But as I climbed further and further up, I
began to find it more and more difficult to get what I
wanted from the tree. My friends wanted me to pick
perfectly good fruit that I never ended up picking because
it didn't feel right. I was too unsure of whether the
fruit was right for me even though the fruit clearly
wanted me. I want to take risks, I want to get out of my
comfort zone, but I am still too scared to pick fruit that
isn't as round as I'd usually go for because I am
not particularly impressed by it initially.
Yet the fruit I was sure about, the
fruit that gave me butterflies in my stomach, the fruit
that I felt in my heart was right for me and what I truly
wanted, I tried to pick it. But it wouldn't budge.
Later on, I tried again with a different fruit that gave me
the same feelings. The stem cracked from the branch but
refused to detach from it. My heart was broken. It broke
even more when I saw girls who wanted those same fruits
that gave me butterflies and made my heart race pick them
with ease. Hell, those fruits almost fell on their faces.
More fruit started to call for me but I didn't pick
them because none of them made me feel the way other fruit
did.
And that's when I asked myself,
"Should I pick what I don't particularly care for
much? Is it worth it? Is it worth not feeling butterflies
for someone who treats you well and understands you but
doesn't give you that "feeling" inside? Is
continuing to climb this tree going to hurt me in the end?
Will I die before I reach the top because I never picked a
fruit? Do I even deserve fruit, am I too picky to pick
fruit? Will I ever find a fruit
I am sure about, fruit that gives me butterflies in my
stomach, fruit that I feel in my heart is right for me and
what I truly want that will fall off of the tree just for
me?"
I don't know the answer to any of
this, but I am starting to think maybe the tree of love
just wasn't meant for me to climb.