*venting
quote; my story.
hi, my name is
adele.
&+ this is my story being told to
the world for the first time. i am fifteen years old and my
birthday is on november thirteenth. i have blue eyes and blonde
hair to go along with my light skin color. like almost all of you
guys, i have many secrets that i am ashamed of. i am going
through the process of a bad depression and i am suicidal. in the
past year, i have attempted suicide fourteen times. obviously i
have not succeeded, even though i would really like to. i know
it's not okay to talk like this, but sometimes it's really hard
not to. on january eleventh, i finally decided enough was enough.
i told my mom, with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart, that i
was being molested by my grandfather on a daily basis in our own
home. she was disgusted and so angry, but not with me; at him.
she couldn't believe should could let that happen to me, but it
wasn't her fault. she didn't know it was going on, other wise she
would have helped sooner. within that week, my mom had contacted
the police and a restraining order was being placed on him, so he
would be kicked out of my house. he broke the restaining oder
twice, but claimed he did not know that he was breaking it. my
grandmother decided she was going to take his side, and she left
us as well. everything in my house was so stressful, and it there
was nothing anyone could do to make eachother feel okay. with
everything going on, i didn't think it was possible for things to
get any worse. of course with that being said, life decided to
chanllenge me. while on facebook, on fanuary twenty-seventh, i
was cyber-bullied. the comments went on and on, and they
consisted of telling me to kill myself and name calling. i
honestly wanted to die. i was made fun of at school for weeks and
my social life went to a complete zero. it got so bad, that this
year, i transferred to a new school where i knew absolutely no
one. on may twenty-thrid, my life took another spin for the
worst. that was my first suicide attempt that i was almost
sucessful at. i overdosed on more than thirty pills and was
rushed to the emergency room. i went unconsious and my stomach
needed to be pumped. i spent a few days there, then i was
transferred to a mental institution where i spent another few
weeks. i was terrified and i hated it there. once i finally got
out of there, i had to attend a five month out-patient therapy
session for three hours a day. i would be picked up at two and it
would go til five. at the end of the summer, i finally didn't
have to go anymore. i was so happy that i finally started feeling
stable again. i didn't cut as much anymore and i didn't think
about death nearly as much. but as time went on, i started to go
down hill again. my feelings started to go numb, and my mind was
fading back into suicidal thoughts. i knew i was never going to
get better unless my whole story was told. so, i finally told my
mom the complete truth about everything that i have gone through.
my molestation went on well before i was a teenager. in fact, i
don't remember a time in my childhood where i wasn't being
abused. my mom has taken even further actions to put him behind
bars. unfortunatly, our justice sysetem in the united states
sucks. my mom has taken the stance where she set a goal to change
the laws. everyone who is above the age of eighteen will need to
be a manditory reporter of sexual abuse, because my grandmother
knew he was molesting me, but chose to do nothing. not to mention
that my mom and both of my aunts went through sexual abuse by my
grandfather when they were younger and she did nothing about it
back then either. and also, my mom wants to change the statue of
limitations. thirty years ago she was molested by this man, but
they can't do anything about it because it's 'too late'
apparently. and i apologize for my mouth, but that's fu**ed up.
my mom is my best friend, my hero, and she's the woman i want to
be. i love her with my whole heart and soul. sadly, i don't even
know if i'll make it to my adult life if i continue down the path
i am. i feel ugly, disgusting, gross, useless, helpless, and
every other disturbing word under the sun.
thank you so much for letting me just put this into words for the
first time.
god bless. xx