Alpaca Prophet *

Status: Eat. My. Shorts.
Joined: December 28, 2014
Last Seen: 2 weeks
Birthday: November 12
user id: 388793
Location: In a manic state of depression
Artist. Musician. Deviant. INFJ. Retro-punk.
Undecided Calvinist, Bifurious Emily Kisser.
Basketcase. Tumblr Trash. Manic Depressive.
Problematic. Pretentious Asshat.

"Basically Someone You Shouldn't Be Friends With"
Music I Like:
Imogen Heap, Eisley, ALT-J, FUN, Twenty 
One Pilots, Panic! At The Disco, Taylor Swift, 
Front Porch Step, Charlie Puth, No Outlet,
Halsey, Owl City (since 2007), Never Shout
Never, My Chemical Romance (MCR), 
 Sia,

The Killers, Jarrod Alonge, Childish Gambino, 
Rich Mullins, Green Day (any early 2000's
Punk band), Parks, Troye Sivan, Say Anything,
Modern Baseball, Blink 182, Social Repose
YouTubers I Like:
MyHarto, NigaHiga, chestersee, PewDiePie,
The Game Theorists, ExplosmEntertainment, 
Lindsey Stirling, Full of Eyes, RoseEllenDix, 
Vlogbrothers, Cyarin, OnisionSpeaks, Paint,
Emmablackery, Zeldaxlove64 RIP
Things you Should Ask me:
My music Taste, My interests, Whether the
Earth we live in is one giant Capri Sun™ and
the Moon and Sun are the hole for the Straw, 

If you want to talk to me about struggles go
ahead but I can't garuntee I'll help at all.,
What the song on my profile means to me

My Favorite Songs as of Now:
Mr. Brightside [The Killers]

Wow, I can get Sexual too! [Say Anything]
@chl03k [Modern Baseball]
SING [My Chemical Romance]
The Light Behind Your Eyes [My Chemical Romance]
Track 3 [No Outlet]
Your Love Broke Through [Keith Green]
A Rose For Zelda [Unknown]
December [Neck Deep]

Hourglass[Catfish and the Bottlemen]
 

Quotes by Alpaca Prophet *



Thank You for giving me more love
than I ever deserved. I wish you were still
here so I could say "Good boy Chase"
You were my best friend and my favorite
Dog in this world. Good night Bud.
You made me proud.


12.7.16

I'm left crying on the floor because God won't have me.
Too many stars in my head,
but these ones aren't from love.


"Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself
and a little less time trying to impress people."

-The Breakfast Club


1.  Come and watch the skinny kid with a    
 steadily declining mental health;    
 2.  and laugh as he attempts to give you      
what he cannot give himself.    








~ Bo Burnham




My concaved chest, my hair is a mess.
My skin so thin, my ribs want back in.
my nose grows, but my toes know
when I will love the way I am.
Cancer.

As someone who has never had cancer I hold the song
"Cancer" by My Chemical Romance very close to my
heart. Because it means something different for me, It
means a place, a moment. A scene I dreamt over and
over in my head when I wanted to pull a trigger or
overdose. I played that song because I had something
in common with the imaginary person who has cancer
in that story: I felt close to death and wanted to say
goodbye to everyone i loved. For years I've held that song
tightly in my heart because no other song has ever
described what I feel in those moments like that one.
Not because I like sad songs, if that were the case I'd 
just listen to Mayday Parade. But this song is different,
It's exectly what I would say if I was desperate and suicidal.
I'd feel like my body is broken, weary, pale and faded.
I'd feel that I need to say goodbye to those I love, and I
would not kiss the person I truely love because it would
only make it harder to leave.

So I guess it's not the most relatable song to me, since I
don't actualy have Cancer, my lips aren't chapped and
faded from being poisoned from chemo. But at the same
time it's more relatable to me than any other song. And it's
been with me for a long time like an old friend. I know it
well and it's changed along with me, sharing moments
and feelings together. While those moments were
dangerous they impacted me and listening to that song
everytime has sometimes kept me alive. Strange I know.
But I love that song more than any other, because it's the
one that s stuck with me the longest and provided
sanctuary when nothing else could.

      


Do you know how many nights I've spent writing and rewriting paragraphs only to never send them to you? How I've spent hours into the night staring at my screen or paper trying to find words that mean something, words that would be worth your attention. Only to give up because my mind isn't capable of expressing what I feel in words. I know that phrase is over-used but I really can't find the words that somehow others can to express what is felt about you. And I hate that, but right now I want you to know I love, appreciate, care for, admire?  DAMNIIT THESE WORDS MEAN NOTHING THEY AREN'T EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT I FEEL. Maybe If I find more emotional words like "My heart pitter-patters for you" no, nobody says that anymore. What about how she affects my life? Who am I kidding, if I knew how she affected my life we wouldn't need to date. Why is this so hard?
Maybe I'll have the words tomorow...

I'm going to bed.



"I was once a blazing inferno, I felt everything, I was full of life.
But I let my sparks fly and heat those I love, and as the cliche stands:
they got burnt. The realization that my hands could hurt someone that
badly made me detatch, quench my fire, becoming cold and heartless.
Of course in every story about becoming a coldhearted Statue they soon
follow with that special someone who melted them into a caring puppy.
But I'm not Mr. Darcy or any of those people, I'm much too arogant and
scared to let love break my stone layers. So I stop feeling things that
cause me to do things, no desire, no attachment, no strings for you to play
in my heart. Instead an Anylitical mind is much more effective at
preventing hurt."
----------------------------------------------------------------

I've thought this way for so long it's now second nature to anylize
my relationships and treat people like priorities in a Chess game.
Move this person here, let that one go. Completely ignoring the
humanity behind these people. I will change, I will change
Please make sure to tell me when I'm hardening up again. Please
combat my anylitical attacks with sincear love that I currently
don't have. And above all please don't become like me. Your
fire is too caring, too full of feeling, and too sincear to let go.
The world wouldn't be the same without your crackling love.







She tore away her mask
            He tore away his mask