So it's been more than a year for those of you who've
listened and I'm not sure entirely what to say. I earned
a lot of money and spent a lot of money. I became closer to a lot
of friends and drifted apart from a few. I had plenty of fun but
was also plenty sad. I thought this post would be full of all the
answers everyone ever needed to figure themselves out and though I
learned quite a bit, I didn't learn enough to have all the
answers, but I have a lifetime. So sorry if this gets mushy for a
bit, for those of you who don't like that stuff, but you might
want to indulge yourself for this one quote. I use to think that if
you could make yourself feel numb that you were a success and that
the next step would be growing up. but it's not, not to me at
least. What I believe makes you get to that next step where you get
to grow up is learning how to balance everything and to never be
completely free because that means having no connection to poeple
or whatever your poison is which means no connection to emotion and
as far as I can tell that's the only reason I ever had fun.
Some of you may want a life by yourself but happiness insn't
achieved completely by yourself I don't believe, if you make a
connection with animals, nature, or a higher being then you've
made a connection and are therefore not alone. So to those of you
looking for the answers, you're not going to find them right
away but if you numb yourself and thicken your skin you'll
never find them. The fun is in finding the answers and being old
and grumpy and wise is for basking in the journey you took to find
those answers and to pass on hints to make the road to your place
easier for those who don't know what's ahead of them yet,
I'm not editing this too much so that I leave the rawness in
and since people are my poison and from what I can tell only raw
people have real emotion then it seems fitting. I don't know
when I'll be back but this isn't for you, this is for me,
but if I can help my poison then I will.
- Cayla-Marie