akzartman

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Joined: April 11, 2009
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 73231
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My name is Katie, as of next July18th ill be 15, which makes me feel uncomfortablly old. I think explaining myself is really hard... ive never been good at it, &im not exspecting to start now. I always feel like, people look at me &take everything i do in a different way than i do, or i mean to. If im just being myself, im pretty boring, i think. Id legit rather be sleeping- correction, snuggling, than anything else. I do this weird thing where i just break everything down to a really basic level, like, thats hair, thats your hand, thats your smile. It helps me, idk, feel more connected? But it sort of freaks me out, cause i really dont see anyone as 'pretty' anymore, so i never know how to respond when people ask me stuff like that. My friends call all the music i like 'emo', but its not, its just 'alternative', eh, whatever. I dont label myself as anything, like, i dont understand that. I hate how influenced i am by the guys i like; its HORRIBLE, i know, but i dont really care enough to stop, haha. I give my parents 'additude' much too much, but i dont even notice; im just talking to them, &if i disagree, ill say it. Also, im not scared of my parents? Haha, idk, i love them, i just never felt THAT close to them. When i was younger, id tell my mom every little fight that i had with my friends, and not only did it hurt HER to hear her 'little girl' being hurt, but i could just tell she would judge my friends by what i told her, which really wasnt fair, because most of the time i was just venting, which obviously made them sound really bad. So now, i really dont tell my parents anything. I dont like hurting people, but if they take something i say or do wrong, im not going to apologize for that, not at all. Its whatever, im better at keeping everything in than explain my situations. I appriciate that all of my friends come to me with their problems, &i really do try to hep &understand THEIR perspective, but its a goddamn a lot of work. Im always stressed out, but i feel like thats natural now. Kelly &Anne are probably the only ones i really vent to, &i feel like Kelly understands me better than anyonee else. Im okay with that, actually i love it; i just feel bad because usually all my shit is just dropped on Kelly &Anne, which i know from expirience, isnt fair to them. I cant stand when people make big deals out of absolutely nothing. I seriously am the most jealous girl i know, &ill addmit that to you, i dont care. I like complimenting people, but i wont just say 'cute shoes!' if i dont mean it... Id rather have legitiment compliments, but i dont think thats probable to ask for. Oh, another thing about me; i try to widen my vocabulary a lot, &ill throw in some big words when i feel like they make sense, but most of the time, they dont. Its whatever, it sounds better than being like 'SO COOL, YEAH, I LOVE THIS' allllll the time. Im afriad of everything, pretty much. Actually, no, thats a lie. Im horrified of the whole 'super-natural' phenominon, the ocean-crabs specifically, the dark, &a whole shitload of other things. But, as my friends tell me a lot, im not afraid of like, normal things. Blood, bugs, death, being embarressed, public speaking, ect, just DONT bother me. I actually cant even picture the last time i was embarressed; i feel like i just threw out that emotion at one pont? haha, idk. I make myself think about everything thats happened, like, every night before bed i recap on the day, it helps me remember everything. When i think about things that hurt, i do this thing where i scrunch my nose, &shake my head, i probably look ridiculous, haha. I dont think i have the most shit in my life, &i respect people that have it worse off. I hate attention whores. I dont really think anything is a big deal; like, its odd, hurting yourself, or going far with a guy, i feel like thats all completely decided on how comfortable you are with yourself. It pisses me off when people tell me not to say 'shut up', because its too harsh? Thats a joke, because i say it all the time, &there are much worse things i could say. I hate saying this, but i think i get my way a lot; not what i WANT, but like, i tend to take comtrol of situations. I think of myself as a leader, but that makes me feel too important and full-of-it. I dont flirt with guys, idk haha, i feel stupid & desperate, &i dont think its worth it. Ive heard so many guys talk about how they flirt with girls 'cause they can', or because 'theyre wicked hot', but not actually cause they care about them. Im fine without that, thanks. Ill just be a little flirtless girl, its fine. I like school, &i like learning. I hate people who complain about EVERYTHING. I dont deal with it, ill walk away, tell them they complain too much, or tell them to shutup. Its simple, im just not going to waste me time listening to everyonr complain. I think hair is that weirdest thing ever? Haha, like dead skin cells hanging off your head...beautiful. &I also dont get how camera work, or fire, or how you can feel the suns heat, or blackholes, &i sort of have this theory, or a feeling really, that the solar system doesnt exist. It would just make much more sense. Ive always really liked the quote, "Science Fiction has nothing on reality." but ive never put it anywhere, cause id look ridiculous, haha. I hate pretending to be happy when im not, but im not going to just throw my bad mood on other people. So, whatever, ill just act happy sometimes. Also, i HATE laughing at things i dont think are funny, but i do it sometimes; you can completely tell when its fake or real, if you know me well. I dont mind writing, i actually prefer to handwrite essays than to type them. I think Latin is amazingly clever, &actually makes SENSE, unlike goddamn english. I have to focus really hard to understand it, but i do end up getting it, &i remember things well. Math kinda scares me, like, i dont like that there is only ONE answer to a problem, but there are like 19 &a half ways to GET the answer. Idk, its my worse subject. History, or social studies as our cool school calls it, is probably my favorite class. I like that everything is unsure, &i like connecting everything to todaay. English doesnt bother me, but i always get super tired in that class. Science is just memorization, which isnt hard for me. I kinda think i have a photographic memory, like, i dont study for tests or anything. I dont need to. I love socks, but i feel like theyre unconvinient. I like being home alone, but not a night. Cats piss me off, but ill be kind to them; im not about to throw them across the room, haha. I really respect olden people that lived, somehow?, without heat or light. Fucking amazing to me, cause im just always cold, &i need light otherwise i feel like im squinting all the time. Actually, no, i love the dark, but only if im with other people. I kinda think sitting in a room with people is exciting; like, i feel like theres less judgeing going on, &everyone is a little bit more vulnerable in the dark. Nail polish pisses me off, &whenever im with a guy, i like to have my nails be natural, i think its a LOT prettier. I feel like napping is a skill, &i could be an Olympic champion. I contradict myself a lot, i dont really care, haha. I love getting texts & calls; calls are perferred. Another thing, i cant spell for shit. Hmm, this is long, whatever, ill end up adding more later, hah. Well, thanks, if you got to this point, haha. Im actually a pretyt happy person(:, &i like wittying.
 

Quotes by akzartman





and even though its different now
y o u r e s t i l l h e r e-----somehow*
sha_la_la_la_la; i miss you
9 0 akzartman akzartman
lyrics


Somebody said
that nothing lasts f o r e v e r___*
but it seems that when it rains  ,
___i  t   p  o  u  r  s___
3 0 akzartman akzartman
lyrics

You werent there for me
when i was obviously .n.o.t.o.k.a.y.
youre supposed to support me,
m a k e  m e  f e e l  b e t t e r , h e l p  m e  t h r o u g h.
__________im always there for you__________
right or wrong ; ive always held you.
i wasnt alright, and you didnt try to help.
&i forgive you

7 0 akzartman akzartman
friendship

do you know about the scars on my hand?
or what happened on A u g u s t 8th that year.
did you listen when i told you that i dont
___________make my emotions very clear.
do you know what i look like when i cry?
or my favorite thing to do on a saturday night.
c o u l d y o u t e l l m e m y b r o t h e r s n a m e,
play with me my favorite game-----------------
could you sing me the song that always
________MAKES ME CRY?
i know you dont care, which is the biggest thing ive feared,
here's to hating that i really wish you cared.

40 4 akzartman akzartman
lyrics


( i missed your skin when you were east )
you clicked your heels,
&+wished for me

NorthernDownpour- Panic! at the disco(:
5 0 akzartman akzartman
lyrics

• click to see this quote •

113 1 akzartman akzartman
love

&+Im trying to tell you
that you are something different;;;;
______but it wont make a difference
cause youre too incoherent to hear

2 0 akzartman akzartman
lyrics

im just a little girl
__l  o  s  t   i  n   t  h  e   m  o  m  e  n  t
im so scared but ; IDONTSHOWIT
 :: i cant figure it out ::
_its _bringing _me _down, i  k n o w
I NEED TO LET IT GO
103 0 akzartman akzartman
lyrics

Boys, you need to start
playing______VIDEOGAMES
&n o t _ o u r _ h e a r t s .
4 2 akzartman akzartman
love


i feel completely misunderstood
x_x_x_x_x_b y  t h e  p e o p l e  t h a t
know me best
15 1 akzartman akzartman
friendship