alana_p

There Is 2 Kinds Of Love
there's true love and fake love, & they can be mistaken for each other easily.
with true love, you feel like your head is spinning, and you're floating in air.
he gives you gifts, makes you feel on top of the world, talks to you all night.
he makes you laugh, smile, his arms wrap around you try to see eachother all
the time, and you never want him to  let go. when you hug, you have
your whole world in your ams. you have those memories of him that will
never leave your mind. he's perfect for you, & you could never ask for more.
fake love can be exactly the same. the only difference with real love is that
It Always Works Out In The End

i wish i had someone to trust, to tell things to.
i wish i had true friends.
i wish i wasn't always the one to get backstabbed,
turn on, & walked all over.
i wish someone loved me for me.
i wish i was pretty, skinny, loved.
i wish i was someone, anyone but me.

Lately I've been realizing how lonely I am.

Not alone.  Not like I have no friends or family or anything. Just lonely.  
The kind of lonely when you realize that no one in the world except for you really knows you at all.
I could be surrounded by a crowd of people, but this overwhelming sense of sadness comes over me like "What if this is my life? What if it all ends tomorrow and I die like this?"
Because I am never really alone at all, not physically.
That's the worst kind of lonely.

Depression is not an act 
Eating disorders aren't phases
Suicide isn't a cowards escape
Homosexuality isn't a disease
Self-harming is not a cry for attention
Stop acting like you know everything

It's really hard lately to pretend I'm okay. 
I hate living in my head,
I hate expressing my feelings,
and I hate feeling so alone at the end of each day

And everyday I'm reminded of:

How much of a disappointment I am to everyone...
How much people hate being with me...
How nothing I ever do is good enough or is wrong...
How ugly I am...
How much I try, I'll never be anyone...

Im reminded of how no matter how much I try, or anything I do, I'll never mean anything...

<sub><sup>And if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little

closer, stare a little longer, because there's something inside that made you keep trying

when everyone told you to quit.

-Shane Koyczan</sup></sub>
 

nmf

Sometimes, It's OKAY
To not be okay