allisonpikerss

I've been trying to figure something out.
I have a calendar that I keep track of days I cut on, where I cut if 
I do, days I want to or do attempt to commit suicide, & days that 
I'm happy on. In the past three months (93 days), I've only had 
a total of 19 days in which I was happy or satisfied with. People
say depression isn't just there on any random day, but instead
it's consistant. I've been taking "happy pills" throughout these 
past three months and they have not been helping whatsoever.
Suicide is blinking in my mind with a blinding red light at this
very moment. I feel as though I've lost everything. Of course I've
never told anyone any of these things, being their immediate 
response would be I need "help". The "help" that those people 
are reffering to doesn't help me at all though. I also have major
OCD with my life not changing. Considering it's changed more
than I can apparently handle, I have even worse anxiety issues 
than I did in the past. Anyways, the dilemna on hand that I am
desperately trying to figure out isn't a specific question, but it's
more of a rhetorical question; how did I end up so broken?
there's probably a quote like this somewhere but I only posted it because it just happened to me so idk if you'd count this as jocked or not
 

oh na na,