~Music is my addiction~*

I just want to be dead....
Its not like I'm needed anyway
not like I'll be missed
Not like anyone will care....

I'm not okay
Its not just fine
I'm not happy
The smile you see just aint real.
I'm depressed
I'm broken
I'm just not myself anymore
I cry myself to sleep
I cant conqour these demons anymore
I'm just not strong enough
maybe if i put another slit in my wrist they'll stop.
I hear them talking
They call me pathetic
They call me worthless
they call me usless
I'm starting to feel that I'm not worth it
maybe if I cut again
I'll escape the people
maybe I'll fall to the floor
Maybe I might feel again
and I wont be so numb
Maybe I might die

okay so listen

theres this guy and we were so close! I meet him because he WAS friends with my bff's boyfriends friend (they had a fight though and the the boys dont talk anymore but my bff leslie still talks 2 him) now leslie and Ryan broke up like a month ago okay (they are still close though)

Anyway I used to like him a lot. one day he just didnt wanna talk 2 me anymore. I wouldn't leave him alone because he wouldn't tell me what I did, long story short I got into trouble and still have no damn clue why he hates me. I still like him A LOT. anyways
I'm walkin with Ryan and Leslie today and all the sudden Ryan said "Leslie you with Brandon now?" I was confused then he explained that Brandon was trying to get at Leslie. Leslie said she wouldn't go out with him but I'm just so, so

UGH /.\

I'm so annoyed and I just wanna cry /.\

PLEASE PEOPLE
I'f your not quotin a SONG
then don't tag LYRICS /.\
PLEASE!!!
Thanks

I came to you  when I was crying
and you helped me back up
...
now you hate me for reasons unknown
and I'm afraid of feeling...

Remember being little?
Not caring abut stupid stuff.
like the who's the cutest person,
or feeling ugly
or wearing "name brand" cloths
or loading your face with make-up.
remember when
you didnt feel worthless?
like your unwanted
and nobody cares about you?
remember when we didnt know what suicide was?
when we didnt attempt it,
when we didnt cut
when we didnt cry ourselves to sleep.
why did the world become so crule?
why is it that everything that makes us happy gets taken away?
why do we lose everyone we hold closest?

god I will give ANYTHING
just to go back there

I hate running into old memorys.....
then developing old feelings.....

person: *walks by me with a ciggaret in hand*
Me: YOUR GONNA GET CANCER STUPID *takes his ciggaret*
Person: why the f*ck do you care what I do? *trys to take it back
Me: *stomps on it* because My aunt was 14 when she had her first ciggaret, 16 when she was diagnosed with lung cancer and on her 18th birthday she died!
Person: how long did you know her?
Me: about an hour
Person: *hands me the pack of ciggarets in his pocket* No way am I doing that to my niece.
Me: you shouldnt... *starts walking away*
Person: wait *followes me*
Me: *turns around* what?
Person: *smiles and shakes my hand* I'm Toby
Me: *smiles and shakes his hand* I'm Alana
Toby: Were gonna make a deal okay?
Me: what kinda deal
Toby: I dont smoke *twists my arm slightly looking at my wrist* you don't cut.
Me: *looks at him* deal

this was a year ago. now hes 16 and I'm 15 and our deal still hasn't been broken and we're best friends <3