barakat*

Status: rly white tbh
Joined: April 9, 2012
Last Seen: 8 years
user id: 290921
Location: new jersey
Gender: F
this account is officially inactive  — i will be on from time to time but most likely not, however if you do want to get in contact; drop me a comment on my active account: @Falsetto (currently aka *stilinski)

barakat*'s Favorite Quotes

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The worst types of wounds are those that aren't fully formed - the ones that aren't bleeding but aren't just scrapes either.

The ones stuck some place in the middle, with your skin raw and weeping. And because you aren't bleeding, your body doesn't understand that it needs to be fixed, and so it never is - leaving you with nothing but sores that won't - and can't - ever scab over.
my head was full
of endless, insistent
chatter. this confused me,
because i could see no one talking.
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I wanted to physically destroy you in the exact same way you had mentally destroyed me
My head is almost always full of upsetting thoughts.

I have thoughts of the reactions I may get if I was to be found one day on the bathroom floor, an entire box of codeine working to destroy my respiratory system.

Of how my siblings will continue with their everyday lives, and how my uncle will complain about the mess my spasming larynx has created.

I have thoughts of my dysfunctional family and how very little we care for one another.

And at times, when I have run out of sadness and other bleak emotions, I'll have no thoughts at all.
And I loved going to the train station at night, standing just slightly in front of that yellow line they tell you not to cross. I'd wait for the speed train and as it passed me by, with my hair blowing all across my face, I felt alive.
Depression is not cute nor fun. It is not a quirky characteristic.

Depression is not bathing for weeks because the effort seems like far too much to handle. It is greasy hair and dirty skin. It is staying in the bath for hours, contemplating drowning yourself, and having your family call through the door to see if you are okay every fifteen minutes. It is murky water.

Depression is wearing the same clothes for a few days because you cannot be bothered to change. It is unbrushed hair and unbrushed teeth. It is stretched-out crew necks and month old stains. Depression is having your mother drag you out of bed, in the afternoon.

Depression is hiding in the kitchen whilst everyone sleeps and praying that you don't get caught with the only sharp blade in the knife block. It is hiding sewing needles behind the bathroom sink. It is sweating in long sleeves.

Depression is constantly filtering between hobbies, hoping that somewhere you'll come across one that actually gives you joy. It is uncompleted projects and unread books. It is consistent boredom and disinterest in everything life has to offer.

Depression is sad and disgusting. It is ugly and lonely. Depression is not cute nor fun.