beadhrogtyrant

i'm not asking for a Prince Charming
i'm not asking for a fairytale
i just want you, whatever you may be
whatever it is that you are
all you, and i'll be happy
and until then, i'll keep believing in miracles
though they've never really liked me all that much..

i'm fearless when it comes to you.
anytime i'm scared,i simply think of you & i'm not afraid anymore...

i'd do anything to be where you are right now.
i'd sell my soul to lie beside you in you bed tonight.

I wanna make him fall
Fall to his knees before me
I wanna see him quiver in my presence
Just like he makes me feel for him
I want to get him back for what he does to me
It's not fair
It's only right
I want revenge
To make him do anything it takes to have me in his life
To see HIS heart skip a beat for a change
That's what I want
Is it possible?
To turn the tables
and NOT have to be the only one left crying
I cry my heart out
My soul longs for you & your voice
My need...for you
You can't imagine
It's true....I do.....love you.....

I want to know you.
I want to know what you're all about.
I honestly can't get my mind off of you.
It's so frustrating.
I'm here, in so deep, and who am I to you?
But I can't stop myself.
There's no stopping me now.
It's too late to be saved at this point.
All I really want is you.
I want you so bad that I pretend to keep myself the least bit satisfied.
I pretend to control my need for you.
I act like I know your touch, your kiss, how your eyes look close up.
I try to memorize your face & your voice but I keep wanting more.
God, waht makes it so impossible for me to feel like I actually have a shot in hell with my perfection?
Is it so hard to jsut have this one thing in my life?
'Cuz I've never ever wanted anything so badly....

In this weird and weary world, sometimes it feels weird when I'm not crying. It's my way of finding myself, after all. Reminding myself that I'm still alive. Almost like pinching myself to see if I still feel. And when the same pins and needles succeed in making me bleed, I'll know that I'm alright. It relieves me to know that I'm still the same person. Because I don't wanna change. No matter how much it may hurt at times, I know that that only makes the good times better.
Alot of things in this world may make my heartbreak but that adds to the beauty of my emotions. Feelings of any kind are beautiful because they're pure. You can't fake how you feel inside. I love knowing that I'm capable of feeling so deeply about people & things that it physically hurts inside. It shows me that I can love like no other. And what's more beautiful than love? Nothing is.

I swear if miracles could happen, only if, then you would be mine. 'Cuz the way I see it, the only thing we seem to have in common is the fact that we live on the same planet; we're both human.

I could ask myself questions like, "why do you have such control over me?" but I have no answers for myself and I am the only one who could answer such a question, for the answer should be from inside of me and no one else. But no, I know that if I knew deep down in my heart why I do these things to myself, it wouldn't hurt so much in the end.

I give up: my emotions are stronger that me. I'll never get it. I'll never win. So, here I am, carried over to this new world of mine, a world of you, by my emotions. I swear, they're uncontrollable....and I'm trapped in you. Here we go again. God, help me...

I don't know what I want better: to love or to leave this sweet sensation.
this curse..this gift...this revelation...
It hurts me badly and only reminds me of what can't be mine
but it also fills me with ectasy beyond my imagination.
It is my imagination, that's telling me that you're the one who will make my dreams come true.
I love to pretend you are mine. to pretend to know the feeling of your lips and your hands on mine. to pretend that you have feelings for me that are just as passionate. to pretend that I am the only woman in your world.
but then, I catch myself and realize, I'm just a girl if I pretend this much. none of it's real. it's all in my imagination...

&& I swear, if I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you for making me feel this way

It's so unfair
I've inadvertently placed you at the center of my world;made you my everything while,to you, i'm just another one of your adoring fans.
It's not right. My heart doesn't deserve this. I've had my heart broken too many times and my love is too real for me to go through this s*** once more!
I hate myself for loving you. I hate myself for ever being like this in the first place. I only hurt myself this way. But we always want what we can't have. I can't have you. So there. It's settled. So, why can't I stop loving you yet? Why do I still want to think of only you when I lay in bed at night?
It's such a vicious cycle for me. One day I'm madly in love with one guy and the next, it's you and I swear to myself it was always you.
Yes,you've rescued me from my previous heartache, the one before you. But now, you're my problem as well as my love, my weakness. Oh, that's all you do, is make me weak. So much so that I can't make a move without you in the back of my mind. All this, and you don't even know my name?
And I swear, if I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you for making me feel this way too.
So, now I need someone to rescue me from you. To take me away to a world where your blue eyes and blonde hair don't exist. I need to escape you. I'm too far in as it is. I refuse to hurt myself again this way, know that I will, it will happen, it will hurt.It will hurt like hell. It always does. What hurts worse is that I can't stop it. It hurts me like all hell to know that, to realize that I have no capability of separating fantasy from reality. Please, let me say farewell, sweet haunting fantasy!