bebeautiful920

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Joined: May 11, 2012
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Quotes by bebeautiful920

Damaged
Part 5
That day they gave me my journal. I think that journal was the best friend I have ever had. Everyone before that hurt me at least once. But not my journal, my journal was the one thing that gave me hope. It gave me somewhere to write my feelings. To this day I still use a journal. I like writing my feelings down and then let people read, it’s so much easier then saying the words. Lucas was the best friend I had there. He always read my journal. He always made me feel better. I knew I was heading down the wrong path, I cut, and I wanted to die. I went online and met guys...i whored myself out. I had a boyfriend at the time. His name was Phillip he didn’t mean anything to me. He thought I was hot, I liked the attention. That day my roommate Jackie left. It was odd I didn’t know what I was going to do. We got really close; after all we did stay up talking about life half the time. We spent time in class and then time in therapy. I still never told anyone about why I was really so depressed. People didn’t really ask, so why tell? They believed what I told them, what I told them was true. But time and time I didn’t tell them the whole truth. The next day I was finally allowed to leave the room. I went down for breakfast, I didn’t eat that much. They also didn’t know I was anorexic and bulimic. I’ve dealt with my weight since I could remember. I always felt so fat. I still do. Sometimes there are days when I won’t eat anything and there are days when I throw up what I do eat. People say “she can’t have an eating disorder, she’s fat”. When we were done eating we walked back upstairs we had some time to just hang out together. That’s when we saw two new girls walk in. later to find out that their names were Taylor and Brittany.
 
A/N Hey guys sorry it took me so long to post again, this story is hard to write because its my life story, but anyways I changed the way im writing it, tell me what you think
Damaged
Part 4
January 6, 2011
Lucas and I just continued talking. We talked a lot about music. He liked punk and rock. I myself never really heard punk and rock was okay. There hasn’t been a type of music I don’t really like. Some people get a high off of drugs, I get mine from music. Soon enough everyone else came back up. We got a little free time so we sat there talking. We talked a lot about music. Most of the people I talked to there loved punk music. At that point I knew a couple people. I knew Jackie of course she was my roommate. She was leaving the next day though. I talked to Lucas, Nechama balum Applebaum; we called her NBA for short, Vinny and Josh. I didn’t have a lot in common with any of them.  But we all got along so well because we knew what we were going through. It’s like we were all tied together by this bond. We were all suicidal at the same time. The person I was closest with was Lucas. That probably had something to do with we came on the same day. We were also the youngest. We were both 14. He was a freshman though. I was the youngest out of everyone. Soon we found ourselves watching 1000 ways to die. They turned it off once they realized what we were watching. I guess a bunch of suicidal people watching a show about weird ways to die wasn’t the best idea. Then we got into a conversation that we talked about a lot. The many ways you could possibly kill yourself or harm yourself in there. Surprisingly we came up with a lot. That is the things we mostly talked about. It was time for my first session of group therapy. I had Lucas and Vinny in my group. Because I was new they made me tell everyone why I was there “I guess a main reason is my grandma died last year from lung cancer. I have problems with my mom, I feel so neglected. But to be honest I have no idea why I’m so depressed, and I don’t know how to fix it either. I just feel hopeless” Truth was, I knew why I was so depressed. I just didn’t want others to know.
Sorry it’s so short I’m not feeling well. Please let me know if you’re reading this.
Damaged Part 3
I just looked at him with my numb eyes and I said “hi, I’m Megan.” Then he walked away. Probably not what you were expecting huh? After about an hour I went over to people and sat in a chair by everyone. They all told me there names and they asked me why I was there and I simply said “I’m suicidal” I’m guessing that’s the answer they were expecting. I found out that one of them lives in the same city as me. I’ve never seen him before but that’s probably because he goes to the high school. I’m sure I’ll see him next year, if there is a next year. At that point I didn’t want there to be a next year. I didn’t want to make friends either. I just wanted to be there alone. Soon enough that guy I saw staring at me was there. Still just as cute. He was there because he and his girlfriend broke up. He hit her once and he felt really bad after. You could tell he was sorry. You’d think that I’d be scared of him, but I wasn’t. He had this gentle side that I could see. His name was Lucas. That’s someone I’ll never forget. After all that it was time to take our meds. They called us up one by one and we took them then we got our blood pressure checked. We did that every couple of hours. They showed me to my room I saw someone lying on the heater. Apparently she was my roommate. The nurse told me that that was the only way she could sleep. I went along with it, and then I crawled into bed. It was hard to sleep. They weren’t the highest quality mattresses. I was woken up by needles being stuck in my arm. Wasn’t the most pleasant feeling. The nurse left and I went back to sleep and then was awoken again and everyone got dressed and most of them went down to breakfast. Lucas and I had to stay up in our room because we were in the “orientation” stage. We looked to see what was on TV but there was absolutely nothing on. So we just started talking. We actually talked. It was refreshing to have a guy that I could just talk to; I didn’t have to try to impress him. We just talked. When I was done telling him my story I was just crying, what he didn’t know was I was crying because of the one thing I didn’t tell him, not the thing I did. I was crying and he hugged me. We weren’t supposed to have any physical contact. But no one cared. We were all close, even though we barely knew each other. He just hugged me anyways.
 
Can you please tell me if youre reading this
Damaged Part 2
He was just staring at me; I didn’t know why he was there. I didn’t know why he was looking at me. It’s strange to think how two horrible circumstances can lead two people to the same place and change their lives forever. I the noticed I was staring, it was hard not to. He was hot he was tall slim but not too skinny he had gorgeous brown eyes and beautiful skater boy brown hair. My mom finally walked in with some lady. They just kept talking and talking. I think they were talking to me, I couldn’t tell. Well more like I wasn’t paying attention. Eventually we got up and she lead us through a lot of halls finally we got to the place we were going. She scanned her badge and then we walked in. It was a fairly large room, on one side there was a little I guess you could say nurses’ station. Then there was a really long hallway with doors. Attached to the big room there were several doors. The lady took us into one of the rooms, once again her and my mom were talking I was pretty much zoned out. I was staring blankly into the room. There weren’t any people in there I wondered where they were. But what did I care, they wouldn’t like me anyways. I’m to fat, to ugly. But eventually they lead us out they told me to just make myself comfortable. Like that was possible did they forget where I was? Soon enough the other people started coming out of this room. I was sitting on a bench against the wall, away from everyone else. I was sitting there for a good half hour. They were probably all talking about me. After all I was the new girl. Then someone with light blue skinny jeans came up to me he was wearing some band t shirt. He was standing right in front of me. I decided to look up at him, you’re probably wanting me to say that when are eyes met there were instant sparks. That’s not the way it went. He said three words. Three words that impacted my life forever. “Hi, I’m Josh."
    
    Tell me what you think. Im new to this so please no mean comments.




Damaged Part 1
“You’ve never cut or had harmful thoughts, have you Megan?”
At that moment I just looked down. Not wanting to make eye contact. My secret was out. Let me back up here. Hi, I’m Megan. This is my story; to start off I have curly frizzy kinky curly red hair. I have hazel eyes, most of the time they’re green with a teal outer ring. Except when I cry then they turn into a greenish grey. I tend to see that color a lot. I’m in 8thgrade at center middle school. It’s in this town called Strongsville, I call it preppysville. It’s in the unglamorous state of Ohio. That’s really all you need to know let’s get back in the story.
“Well, maybe once or twice. I just don’t get the point of being here when I’m in so much pain. And when the pain is unbearable I use a sharp blade to ease it” that’s what I told Mrs. Morganti. She was my guidance counselor.
“You know I have to tell your mom now?”
I just shook my head, not like she would care all that much. My mom finally got to the school, the moment I was dreading the most, telling her.
“Hi” that’s all my mom said in a worried tone. Mrs. Morganti started saying that there was something I needed to tell her. When I opened my mouth to speak nothing came out, just sobs. Before I got the chance to speak my mom got a phone call, and as usual she answered it. I finally got the words out though.
“I’m suicidal”
My mom didn’t show much emotion. She just asked Mrs. Morganti what she should do. Before I knew it I was on my way to the E.R. While I was there I had to wear the stupid gowns that have no back. I hated those things. The doctor came in and talked to me decided I needed to go to a ‘mental health hospital’ we all know what they’re called. The loony bin. I had my mom text two of my closest friends Ruby and Lauren. She told them what was happening and not to tell anyone besides my other really close friends. I had to wait an hour and eventually the ambulance got there, yeah I had to ride in an ambulance. It was a long ride. The E.M.T. that was with me was really nice though. He had little girls so when I was talking about Disney princess movies he knew what I was talking about. That’s the only thing I could think of to talk about, besides the obvious. Why I was there. After what felt like a day (it was only 45 minutes) we got to the ‘mental health hospital’. They put me in an office, gave me a hospital shirt pants robe and socks. They also made me take the hair tie out of my hairs while I was unbraiding my hair I saw him looking at me.

                                                                        this is the first story ive wriiten, let me know if i should post more