Bellatrixy101*

Status: Don't undervalue yourself for another person
Joined: February 17, 2010
Last Seen: 4 days
Birthday: May 5
user id: 101596
Just a 24 year old trying to figure her life out

Quotes by Bellatrixy101*

I keep dreaming of him. This time he was a side character, thankfully. But my concern for his wellbeing during the conflict in my dream was still overwhelming.
After all this time, I finally feel like I am doing what is best for me
I am free. So much time walking around in a fog, just going along with what was expected of me. I made myself out to be something that I wasn't and it was suffocating. But I couldn't even see who I really was becasue of how much I had pushed down and ignored. 
You keep showing up in my dreams. Your face is blurry but I know its you. And each time you appear, I cling to you and say something along the lines of "I'm so sorry" or "I've missed you so much". And you're either surprised or angry with me. And you have every right to. I left you before we could really see if our feelings were more than just platonic. But we're both at fault right? Always going back and forth, the classic "Will they, Won't they". Maybe that's why you still haunt my dreams, my feelings for you still lingering in my mind.
It has been years since we spoke but I still think of you everyday. Now it's too late to put into words how I felt and how scared I was to let myself be with you. Both of us felt this huge pull towards each other but I kept running away, thinking we'd have time. I didn't want our friendship to change and I wasn't ready for the next step. And now that you're gone, all I'm left with is the guilt of not taking a chance for once in my life. This guilt is also twisted with feelings of betrayal when I think about the last time I saw you. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I still feel the way your hands slid across my body and how you pressed yourself on top of me and I couldn't do anything to stop you. 4 years later I am still struggling with this yet I would give anything to see you again
I can't remember the last time I posted on here.... I sure was dramatic when I did lol
"You still love him, don't you?" 

"How can I not love him? It feels right, whenever we're together. The way I feel when I kiss him is indescribable. If that's not true love, what it?"

 
You know what sucks?
Being good friends with the person you love. Its heartbreaking to know that you'll never be able to hold his hand or kiss him. And what is more frustrating is when after 6 months of not being together, he tells you that he has feelings for you.... that he's always had feelings for you but didn't realize it. And of course when he asks you on a date you say yes.... two days later he tells you that maybe we shouldn't be a thing. 
Dear Haters,
   
      Yes, I know how many imperfections I have, you don't have to remind me. Every morning I get up and think to my self, "Why are people friends with my ugly self?". The only reason i "look" pretty at school is because I put so much make up on and I let people think I only put on a little. And it drives me crazy when you say that I can never achieve my hopes and dreams. Sometimes I want to believe everything bad people say about me, that I can't achieve my hopes and dreams. But, then again, I don't want to give you the satisfaction of me beliving you. You don't know what my life is like. Yes I have a good family that treats me right and gives me what I need, and sometimes what I want, but only on occasion. You think that just beacuse I dress nice that instantly makes me a rich girl. But I'm not. I am who I am and you're not going to stop me from being me, even if that means acting like a dork at least I'm being a true person who cares about others. Maybe, just maybe, we could be friends, if both of us put down our walls of insecurity and get along. 

                                sincerly,
                                         Me





*****ALL MINE