Bellatrixy101*

Something unexpected happened last night. I'd be lying if I said that I never fantasized about it happening, I just didn't think it would actually come to fruistion. But it did happen, and it felt like I was in an early 2000's romcom. Or that elevator scene between Jess and Nick in "New Girl". Same thing right? 

I feel good about this. While I do have some worries, he doesn't seem like the type of guy to lead someone on. I want to take things slow, I know how I am when things start to go too fast. Moving forward with this situation, I want to make sure I don't compromise my boundries and stay true to myself. I also want to be comfortable enought with each other to communicate what we want and not feel weird asking for something we need from the other. I do hope this leads to some sort of commitment down the road, because I really want that stability. I want to be seen with him, go on dates, get to know each other, make plans or trips, and whatever else we decide.

Face your mistakes head on. Learn from them, and then let them go.

Officially been on this site for 12 years <3

I am grateful that the love I give is the love that I receive

I deserve a love that is kind and beautiful

I welcome loving energy into my life with open arms

When it rains, it pours... this week just keeps getting better and better. I just have to keep going, even though it is really hard not to spiral into my thoughts. 

Why did I think leaving you in that way was right? It was selfish, immature, and cowardly. You deserve better than that. I cannot express how much I regret my decison to bring up how I was feeling in that way. When I messaged you, I wasn't thinking about the way in which I was bringing up my feelings. I wanted to do it in person, but I was impatient and decided to do it over the app we talk the most on since SMS texting doesn't always go through. Looking back, you mean more to me than that, and I was acting like a child. I was holding you to unfair expectations for what we had defined our relationship as, and then getting upset when you didn't meet them. I was treating you and expecting you to act like a boyfriend, when you weren't one. I also should have told you how I felt sooner, and in a better way. Instead of dealing with them in a way that was productive, I just blew up our relationship without thinking it through.