blueeyedmusic

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and i missed him... oh how i missed him. i missed him each passing day, i missed him in the worst way possible.  i saw those smiles she got, i saw how he touched her waist walking down a narrow hallway.  one day i found myself walking behind him quite away.  i struggled and pushed people aside to get directly behind him, then maybe he'd notice me, maybe he'd say something.  but when i was right behind him... nothing happened.  i had never been farther away.  the emotional valley we had gotten ourselves into was so big, so vast with the words we refused to say that nothing could ever quite be the same.  but even though i saw him kiss her and hold her, i know he remembered.  i know he remembered putting our hands together, mine so small against his.  me playing with his hair as he sat still.  talking about the first time we met, that certain smile he would give me where the gentleness and sweetness in his eyes would almost kill me.  and those were the deadliest... those smiles, those eyes, i would've run away with him to paris if he asked me with that expression.  but you learn that boys, they know how to get what they want.  and that most of the time, you're not special.  most of the time you sit there and wait for something great to happen, all the while turning a blind eye to the way he looks at her how he used to look at you because you need to protect your heart.  you don't ever really admit to yourself all the details you forgive him for.  all the details that wouldn't make you compatible.  sure, you may acknowledge them, but you think you could overcome them, which really gets you into trouble. because you can try all you want but that boy is not going to change for you or for anybody else.  and you can go on missing him, you can miss him as big as deserts and as cold as tundras, but that ain't going to do anything either.

i hope if anyone reads this, then maybe someone can relate to it, and just talk to me about it or help me out.  so there's this guy named timmy.  he's a grade above me, and i'm really starting to like him a lot.  it scares me because last time i liked someone it took me two years to get over them so i'm trying to be a lot more cautious.  anyway, i've literally had a crush on this guy since freshman year.  just a tiny crush, forgotten at some points, but all the sudden he's here and talking to me.  the first time it really started was back in december, he tweeted me on twitter for the first time.  as you can guess, i was practically bouncing off the walls.  but nothing happened for a long time.  then second semester rolled around, and i found out he's in one of my classes.  the second i walked in there, we immediately made eye contact.  for a couple days after that, every time he said something in class, he would look straight at me as though he wanted me to hear it, and he weould always smile and i would just look away.  sometimes he would say something to me, just a couple words or something and it always made me so excited.  then one day, we had free time to talk in class. out of the corner of my eye, i saw him get up, and before i knew it, he took the seat right behind me and talked to me the whole period.  now every time we have free time, he comes over and talks to me.  among all this, he's also been tweeting me, retweeting, and favoriting my tweets almost every night now.  we talked almost everyday this week, whether it was on our way out of class, before class, or during class.  honestly, it really seems like he likes me but i always second guess myself based on what other people say. and my biggest doubt is he's not making a move.  like, why do you always talk to me, and tweet me basically every night but not ask for my number?  i feel like if he was really interested he would've tried to make a move by now.  half of me feels like i'm just wasting my time, halfof me whispers to hold on a little longer.  i have no idea what to do.

♥ dani

lol, so my friend texts this guy who already has a girlfriend and she has a crush on him.  so i talk to him one time in my class, and i tell her about it because i know they're friends. i wish i had never told her. leah, i like TIMMY. i don't like freaking mike, i don't even talk to mike, and i wish you wouldn't always be so jealous because it's seriously getting in the way of our friendship.  i lost so much trust in you when you told me you didn't want to hear anything about nic anymore, and i only gained that back this year. now you won't even be excited for me about timmy?  it's like every time something real is actually starting to happen with a guy, they're really starting to like me back, you won't respond to anything i say about them. and it hurts so much.  i need you to have my back, to be excited for me, give me advice and listen.  i'm jumping through hoops & breaking my back to be excited for you over the SMALLEST things, and when big things happen to me, you can't even muster up a little bit of enthusiasm? seriously. i get that you're jealous that something like that's not happening to you, but i would put my feelings aside for you if something big was happening in your life, someone you've had a crush on for two years was finally paying you a lot of attention. maybe it would happen for you if you actually went for guys who were single and in your league.  i'm so sick of always being so happy for you if a guy so much as looks as you, and when a guy moves next to me and flirts with me for two straight days you change the subject. you're losing my trust AGAIN, and there will be no second chances this time.  

if only i could actually say this to you.

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maybe in
another life,

we would've
worked out.

This detoxing is pretty cool, but there's still the people you follow page. Which means the witty famous people will still probably end up with top quotes, but I don't mind. I wouldn't be following them if I didn't like their stuff, just saying. (:

I look at people sometimes and think, 'why don't you realize that you're so beautiful?' 
I secretly hold so much hope that someone will think that about me.

Don't hold the tears back.
 If you need to cry, cry.  

Or else it'll all come out at the worst moment possible.

so when you need me,
remember how i was there for you
and let you know i wanted & needed you in my life.
remember how you pushed me away.

so when you need me?
I HOPE YOU'LL KNOW WHY I'M NOT THERE.