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time after time
 part #50

 

i walked in and put my bag on a chair.  he sat down as a poured us some glasses of water.  i was just going to take some tylenol and go lay down.
"when's your birthday?" he asked.
"uhm october 15.." i asked. "why?"
"so that makes you a libra?" he asked.
"yea, what are you into all that horoscopic crap?"
"no, i just believe in strong coincedinces.  i'm an aquarius you know."
"oh, cool." i said, and took the pills quickly.
"they're perfect for each other." he said.
"oh okay." i said, and walked upstairs.
"can i come?"
"whatever." i said, and finally got upstairs to my room.
"oh so this is your room?" he asked.  "nice colors."
"thanks." i said, and plopped on my bed.  i put on "on the wing" by owl city.
"you listen to owl city?" he asked, and went to look through the songs on my ipod.
"'i'll listen to anyone." i said, and closed my eyes.  he changed the song to iris, by the goo goo dolls. i immediately opened my eyes.
"how about this one?" he asked.
"yea, i like this one." i love this song, because it reminded me of how rob and i were all the time. he jumped on my bed next to me.  i turned and opened my right eye, and glared at him.
"i'm tired too.  and this is comfortable." he said.
"whatever." i said, and turned to the other side.  he pulled me closer, so we were in perfect line with each other.
"and this.  this is much better." he said.
"hands off lax bro.  remember what i said."
"you said no kissing." he wrapped his arms around my hips, and his right hand grabbed mine.  "that excludes this."
"yea but.." i said, trying to think of an excuse.
"you have none." he said.
"yea yea." i said.  "but don't get to comfortable."
"oh i know you're enjoying this just as much as i am." i would never admit that outloud.
"you're just lucky i'm crippled or i would've hit you out of this bed already." i warned.
"lucky me." he whispered in my ear. 
"just go to sleep."
"i was doing that." i claimed.
"alright." he whispered, and kissed my ear.
"what did i say?" i said, through gritted teeth.
"sorry.  i forgot."
"yea yea." i said, and i felt one more kiss on my head before i drifted off into sleep. 

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time after time
 part #48

 

i had a dream that i was laying in robs arms in the hospital bed.  he was next to me, and his strong arms were wrapped around me tightly, and i felt no pain. everything was right with the world.
"where was i?" i asked, "remember yesterday i saw you.  baby where was i?"
"it doesn't matter.  all that matters was that we were able to be together." he smiled.
"but no really, where was i?" he looked pained to say this.
"baby, your heart stopped beating.  They told me you were going to make a quick stop by, and i wanted to be sure i was there."  i was afraid i knew what he was talking about.
"who's They?" i asked.
"don't worry about it." he smiled, and kissed my cheek. "you'll find out soon enough."
"why couldn't i stay with you? what if i didn't want to leave?" i asked, and he caught the first tear to fall from my eye.
"it wasn't your time to go baby." he said.
"it wasn't yours either." i argued.
"i've done all i needed to do." he said, "you're not done yet." i looked at him and frowned.
"don't worry baby, i'll wait for you." he said, and kissed my cheek.
"so will i." i promised.
"no, you can't." he smiled.  "you have someone down there waiting for you almost as impatiently as i'll be waiting for you up here."
"promise you won't get too jealous?" i joked, and smiled.
"he's your freebie." he laughed, the throaty laugh that made my heart ache down deep.  he kissed me on the lips before i was awoken with a start to a stabbing sensation in my left arm.
"sorry sweetie," the nurse apologized.  "new IV time."
"it's okay." i said, as a i laid my head back on my pillow, and i saw rob stretch from his spot on the couch in the corner that i hadn't even noticed was there.
"morning." i smiled, and he chuckled.
"yea yea, good morning for you."
"yea it is.  you're still here."
"i wouldn't leave you, what do you think i am, a jerk?"
"kindof." i smiled.
"not to people who just were in a car accident." he said, and got up.
"go get something to eat.  like out out.  i'm fine here and i think they'll bring me some sort of food to eat." i said.
"no, i can't leave you."
"you just stayed all night." i argued.
"as long as i get to bring you back something."
"whatever you want." i smiled, and he did too.  he put on his slides, and grabbed his lacrosse lanyard before walking out the door.  a few minutes after he left i slid into unconsciousness again.
 

time after time
 part #47

 

"so do you think you'll be able to play anymore?" he asked.
"i don't know.  i'm afraid to ask." i said, and looked down, i saw the edge of the breathing tube up my nose, and i was in a hospital gown, and with a blanket on.
"i probably look a mess." i said, more to myself.
"you like fine." he said, and laughed.
"you would be in a hospital bed, all bandaged up, and comment on how you look."
"oh well i'm sorry for being a girl." i smiled.
"yea, well i'm glad i can't say the same." he smiled, and stretched his hands back, and his right sleeve slipped up, and i saw something on his arm.
"what's that?" i asked, pointing with my eyes at his arm.
"what?" he asked.
"that thing on your arm."
"oh, this?" he asked, lifting his sleeve up to reveal a tattoo.  it looked like it was a date written.
"what does it say?" i asked. "if you don't mind me asking."
"it says march 17th, it was the day my mom was pronounced cancer-free."
"awh, that's soo sweet." i smiled.
"my mom said it was unnecessary, but knock on wood it just passed 4 years.  i got it done after two." he smiled.
"cordin that's so sweet." i smiled.
"thanks." he chuckled. "i love my mom, i mean it was really tough for us when she was sick.  i couldn't play lacrosse for two years." he smiled.
"and now you're a star."i smiled.
"well so are you."
"i'm not so sure i can play anymore." i said.
"you'll be fine.  just some pt and you'll be back to normal."
"unless the concussion is too extensive." i said, and another tear rolled down my face.
"does lacrosse mean that much to you?" he whispered. i nodded my head, and sniffled.
"it keeps him close without the pain." i closed my eyes.  "sometimes i hear him in my head, shouting if a defender's coming on, or who to look for to a pass." i smiled.
"i probably sound insane." i laughed.
"ehh." he said, and just laughed.
"oww." i said, when shooting pain went through my stomach. "i think i broke a rib or something too." i said, and laid my head back on my pillow.
"are you tired?" he asked.
"kindof." i admitted.
"i'll let you go to sleep." he said, and went over to turn the light off.
"will you be here when i wake up?" i asked.
"you'll have to see for yourself." he smiled a taunting smile.
"that's enough reason not to!" i argued.
"don't worry about it." he said, and shut the light, turning the whole room black.
"goodnight !" i said, and in a threatening tone added, "you'd better be here tomorrow morning." i said. i heard the smile in his voice when he said,
"sleep well." and i close my eyes and drifted into unconsciousness.
 

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   First, Think
           Second, Believe
                    Third, Dream 
                               Finally, Dare

time after time
 part #44

 

i got in the car, and put the box in the passenger's seat.  it was roughly 3:30.  i had to go home so i got back in time for my game tonight.  i pulled out onto the highway, and settled into the drive.  i looked up at rob's cloudless sky, and thought more about him.  his family was basically my family, and i didn't realize how much i'd missed them. i was thinking this, and not focusing on the road as much as i should.  all of a sudden a car shot out in front of me, trying to merge from the other lane.  the impact flipped the whole car, and i felt my head hit the ceiling.  then everything went black.
...
i was in a dimly lit room.  i wasn't sure where i was, but i didn't recognize anything.  there wasn't much to recognize.  i had a cut on my forehead, but i didn't feel pain.  i was crying though. 
"hello?" i called, my voice shaking.  then there was a bunch of high pitched beeping.  people were talking in the background, and i couldn't tell where they were coming from.  i looked over my shoulder, but it was just me alone.
"rachel, rachel!" i familiar voice called to me.  i looked ahead of me and rob was running towards me.
"rob!" i called, and started running towards him.
"no rachel!" he said, and i wrapped my arms in his warm hug.  it was as if nothing had ever changed.  he was always with me and he always would be.
"rob you're here!" i said "i missed you." the beeping and people kept getting louder.
"rachel!" he shouted.  "you can't stay."
"what?" i asked, my eyes tearing again.  the beeps were getting obnoxiously loud, and the non-existant people kept getting louder.
"i'll see you soon then." he said, and kissed my lips.
"i'll see you soon then." i mouthed.  over all the beeps and sirens and yelling, he shouted,
"i love you." and i was jolted into a bright light.  there was a man looking over me, yelling,
"we got her. we got her!" i was in excruciating pain all over my body.
"rachel please just stay with me." he said.
"i can't." i groaned. "it hurts."
"just keep talking to me." he said, and he was talking to the woman in medical terms, in which i didn't understand. the question that just kept buzzing around in my head was "where's rob?" but i hurt too much to ask. the paramedic just kept talking to me until we stopped moving.  they pulled me into the hospital, and everything went black again.
 

time after time
 part #43

 

we were sitting there, when nick trudged slowly in the door.
"hey mom, i'm home." he called, then he saw her sitting at the table. "mom it's okay." he said, and he ran over and gave her a hug.  he looked up at me.
"rachel?" he asked, shocked.
"hey nick." i said, and stood up.  he wrapped me up in a huge hug.
"i can't believe you're here." he said.
"i had to come." i said, and wiped a tear off his face.
"it means a lot." he offered. 
"nick, we're going to rob's spot.  do you need to shower?"
"yea, really fast." he said, and ran upstairs. we sat in silence for a few moments, until i broke it.
"did you ever end up going through all of his things?" i asked.
"we went through it.  i just couldn't bring myself to throwing it out." his mom said, staring at the table. "there's actually a box of stuff i thought you'd like to have.  al can you go get it?" she asked.
"sure." alex said. 
"do you mind if i come?" i asked.
"no.  you were probably here just as much as rob was." we'd never done anything.  we both promised to wait until marriage, but i'd just slept there a lot when i was too tired to go home myself. i walked up the familiar steps, with pictures of each child going up.  alex had her new sophomore picture up, and we saw nick's college graduation picture, and i saw rob's, which had enough force to make me fall.  it was his perfect face, with blue eyes and blonde buzz cut, with his flashing white smile.  his dimples were chisled in his cheeks, and he looked so happy.  it was unchanging, there would never be a new picture to take that year's spot.  i thought of when i went to get senior portraits.  the chase's will never have that to fill rob's frame.  just a space of what could have been.  i realized i paused on the steps, and i kissed my fingertips, and placed it on the frame, as i walked up the stairs.  rob always hated that his picture was there, but we'd always joke about it.  at the top of the steps, i saw the door to the left, which was alex's, and the vacant one to the right, which was nick's.  straight back, the door was closed.  the familiarity was overwhelming.  alex led me back, and opened the door.  i welled up, and started crying about how similar the room really was.  his walls were white, but there were lacrosse posters everywhere.  his huge full bed was in the middle, and his mahogany wood bureau with the tv on it was straight from the end of his bed, with his bathroom door right next to it.  to the right of the bathroom door was his desk, with the empty space where his computer used to be.  in the corner, there was the university of virginia flag he put up himself.  the bed was stripped, and there was a box on top of it. 
"here, this is for you." alex pointed, and sat down on his desk chair.  i sat down on the bed to go through what was in it.  i remembered the countless hours we'd spent here, just cuddling, talking, laughing, or crying.  planning out our future together, where we would go to college, and what lacrosse schools were good.  he always would kiss me as soon as we were alone in his room.  i'd no sooner get in the door and shut it, he run up and kiss me.  he wasn't huge on p.d.a's, but when it was just the two of us, he was always holding me, kissing me, and telling me how much he cared about me.  i opened the box, and there were a bunch of pictures.  the first one was us at junior prom.  it was the week before his accident.  i remember i had so much fun with him by my side the whole time. i had a pink dress simple strapless dress, and he matched with a black suit, black shirt, and pink tie.  this picture was in a frame, that had 'love' written under it.  there were just a few more simple frames, with pictures of us.  there was one after his lacrosse game, he was in uniform, and i was there, and after he scored the winning goal, he ran off the field to find me, and picked me up and kissed me.  there was another one, of us both wearing our lacrosse jerseys, when the girls team had to escort the guys team out on the field.  one was just me smiling, and he was kissing my cheek.  then, i remembered how i'd bring over a bunch of pictures, and he'd put them up on his wall, "so i'd never spend a moment without thinking about you." was how he put it.  the space on the wall was empty, but in the box, i saw all the pictures neatly stacked up.   under was another hoodie or two of his.  i took a quick look through the first small stack of pictures.  there were a ton just of us being crazy, one at the pool, at the mall, wherever we went together.  there was one of us in a frame that i missed, but there was a copy of it from the wall.  it was one of his cousin's weddings, and he took me.  it was of his whole family, with me in it.  that was his complete picture. 
"i'm sorry." i looked up at alex. "ready?"
"whenever you are." she said, and she got up and walked out of the room.  i picked up my box, and brought it downstairs.  mrs. chase was still sitting at the table, and mr. chase wasn't. 
"thank you so much." i said to mrs. chase. "are you sure you want me to take all of these?" i asked, through tears.
"yes, that's the only way rob would have wanted it." she said.
"well then here, keep this one." i said, and pulled out the one of her family and me in the frame. "this is what i want you to remember me by.  a good memory." i said, and wiped my eyes. "everyone's happy, and that's how it should be.  rob's in a better place now, and i know he's watching me.  he's not suffering, and we'll see him soon enough.  we are alive, healthy, and well.  and that's all we can ask for right now.  i don't want you to remember me a crying now, so just keep this one." i smiled, and she was tearing, and gave me a huge hug.
"thank you dear." she whispered.
"i'm sorry, i have to get back to go play in my game." i smiled.  "i'll be back soon, i promise. thank you for this." i smiled.
"you're welcome dear.  you're always welcome here." mrs.chase said, and i hugged everyone goodbye, before i got in my car to go home.  as soon as i got outside the clouds cleared, and the sun shone down on rob's house. 
"don't worry rob." i whispered.  "we'll all be okay."