time after
time
part #42
time after
time
part #41
i scribbled out
on the top, "dear rob,"
"a lot has happened in this past year, and all of it's
been without you. i miss you baby so much, and each day i
live through is one more day i get to spend with you up in
heaven. you were the light of my life, and since then, i've
been empty. each day is a struggle without you here, and i
miss you so much. i like to pretend that you are still here
with me, because it's easier to handle the pain.
don't worry baby, i haven't forgotten about our
plan. i'm heading out to university of virginia on
august 24th. i start training on november 17th, and
i'll be playing, and you get to watch me the entire time
baby. we moved to a new house in dc, but baby i don't
like it. each thing i do i feel like you are becoming less
and less with me, and i don't want to lose you baby. i
met the driver of that God-forsaken car, and rob i know what kind
of person you are, but you have to forgive him. you are one
of the people who knows so well, such as i do, that people make
mistakes, and mistakes that can't be changed. i'm
just so lucky that you got to me before i could hurt anyone
else. baby everyday i grieve for you, and so does
zac. he's a really good guy and he's honestly
sorry. i miss you so much baby. i can't write
anymore because as i'm sitting here, i want to scream, cry,
and mainly be in your arms. but to complete all of those
things, it will be not be possible for a long time. but don't
worry baby, i will never forget you. i have a game tonight,
and i know you'll be watching. i guess i'll see you
soon then.
i'll love you forever and a day,
rachel <3"
i was balling, and i tore the page out of the notebook. i had a
box that was always next to his grave. it was almost a
little mailbox. it should have a sign on top "messages
to heaven." i sealed it with a kiss, and put it in. i
laid perpendicular to the grave, as if i was laying next to
rob. i spoke out loud , and told rob about everything that
has happened this year. i didn't care if anyone walked
by. about an hour later, i stood up, wiped my eyes, and
kissed his headstone before i trudged to my car, lonely as
ever. i sat in the car, unsure of what to do. i could
get some breakfast or something, but i couldn't bring myself
to eat. i could visit some old friends, but i didn't
have that many from this school. rob was my main
focus. rob's family relocated with mine when we had to
move to jersey, which was why he was buried here. i met him
in new york originally. his family still lived here, and i
knew where it was. i floored it out it of the parking lot
and found my way to his house.
time after
time
part #40
"you
okay?" he asked me.
"yea yea, i'm fine. i looked up and saw jake
reappear with megan, and all the guys started standing up.
"i think i have to go now." he said quietly in my
ear.
"okay." i said, and continued to sit there. i
just heard a quiet giggle.
"oh right, i'm on top of you." i smiled, and jumped
up. "sorry." i offered.
"no , no it was fine. i didn't mind." he winked,
and i just laughed.
"alright, it was fun." noah said, putting his arm
around cordin for support, "but we've gotta go.
we'll see you ladies tomorrow." he smiled, and cordin
released noah's grip, and offered me a hug.
"what's tomorrow?" i asked.
"your lacrosse game." he smiled. my face slid into a
mask of shock.
"no."
"why?"
"please don't come. i don't like when people
watch me."
"well clearly you don't mind the university of virginia
recruiters watching you."
"well people i care about. and i didn't know they
were at that game." i defended myself.
"well, alright. let's pretend i'm not going
tomorrow. so you won't screw up." he smiled.
"we'll see." i said, and he hugged me, and they all
left. we all helped megan clean up, and we went into her
room and all changed into pajamas. they were gossipping
about everything that happened tonight, but i just kept on
drifting in and out of consciousness.
"so what's up with you and cordin?" sydney asked
me.
"nothing really." i said, about to fall asleep.
"well it didn't look like nothing really when you were
cuddling with him." kenna argued.
"i was cold." i argued. "and he's still going
out with his girlfriend." i said.
"no they broke up yesterday." nikki argued.
"he said they'll probably be back again tomorrow."
i returned.
"not after tonight with you." nikki giggled, and i
didn't have anything to say. "speechless huh?"
"i'm just tired, and i have to get up early tomorrow
morning." i said.
"why?" megan asked.
"game day." was all i said. none of them played
lacrosse so this was a good enough explanation. the game
wasn't until 7 at night, but i had to run errands in the
morning. i just listened to their chatter until i drifted into
unconsciousness. i relived the horrible nightmare again, as
my dream was the day of the accident, and i awoke with a start at
7:37. i picked up my stuff, changed into soffees and a
tshirt, and walked out of the house. i jumped in my car,
stopped at wawa to get gas, and hopped on i-95, and
relaxed. i knew where i was going, and wasn't going to
stop until i got there. i opened my visor at the top of the
car, and a picture dropped onto my laps. i picked it up,
and saw a picture of rob and i laying on the beach, with me in
his arms, similar to how cordin was holding me last night.
i started to tear up, and checked my phone. it was eight
o'clock on may 29th. the worst day of the
year.
it was the day that rob died.
i started balling, and cleared my eyes so i wouldn't get into
an accident. it was only a forty minute drive, but i had to
go to visit him. it only seemed right. dammnit i
forgot flowers. i'll pick some up when i get in
jersey. the time flew by, and i was already in new
jersey. i got to the cemetary in no time, and i bought a
heart-shaped flower piece. the sun was shining, and it was
only about seventy degrees. rob's favorite weather. i
told the security guard who i was going to see, and i
parked. i got out his flowers, a notebook and pen, and
walked through the cemetary. his grave was the third one to
the east of the tallest tree in the whole place. it was
eerily empty here, and it became more empty as i came onto the
grave that didn't belong.
"ROBERT CHASE" it had inscribed at the top
"february 8th, 1993-may 29th, 2009" i started balling,
and my knees buckled, and i was kneeling in front of his grave,
holding onto it for support.
"rob" i whispered. "why did you have to leave
me?" i sat back on my heels, and picked up his heart
flower. i put it right next to his grave. i picked up
the notebook and pen. i flipped to the next clean page, and
spilled my heart.
time after
time
part #39
[commments would bee more than GREATLY appreciated (:
]
"well do you want me to go
first?" he asked.
"i really don't care. ask me all the questions you
want." i said.
"okay. first, what's your favorite color?" he
asked.
"that's the first question you're asking me?" i
asked.
"i'm getting there. i'm starting off easy lax
chick." he smiled and winked at me.
"well if you want me to answer any more questions,
you'll stop calling me lax chick." i said.
"alright rachel boyd. what is your favorite
color?"
"hmm, orange, and then probably blue. what about
you?"
"i'm more of a green person, but blue and orange are
legit." he said.
"yep." i said, and stared into the fire. he was
quiet for a long time. out of character for him.
"what, that's it? you're done 20 questions?" i
asked.
"yea, for now." he smiled. "i'll
ask you one question a day, and you can do the same for me, if
you want." he said.
"sounds good, for now." i smiled, and then i
shivered.
"cold?" he asked.
"i'm fine." i said.
"i have the perfect thing for getting warm." he
said.
"what would that be?" i asked, and he just patted his
laps.
"nope." i said, and i stood up and put my hands out
towards the fire.
"yep!" he said, and grabbed my hips, and i ended up on
his laps. he was warm, which i wasn't going to lie.
"you are really warm." i said, and he hugged my
shoulders.
"get comfy, and feel free to stay a while." i said, and
i readjusted myself so that my head was right under his chin.
"that's better." he said, and i was
comfortable. i was drifting off into sleep, but i
didn't want to in the arms of a stranger. he seemed
like a good guy though, so i drifted into sleep.
when i woke up, i was in rob's arms, and i was crying.
"shhh, shhhh." he said, calming me, and stroking my
arm. this scene seemed entirely too familiar to me.
"we'll be okay." he said, and kissed my head.
i think it was the anniversary of melanie's death. he
grabbed my chin, and looked me straight in the eyes.
"rachel, i think i'm in love with you." he said,
and smiled. it was almost impossible not to smile back at
him.
"rob, you're just saying that to make me feel
better." he already was shaking his head.
"rachel." he said, almost giggling. "when i say,
“i love you”, it’s not because i want you or
because i can’t have you. it has nothing to do with me. i
love what you are, what you do, how you try. i've seen your
kindness and strength. i've seen the best and worst of you.
and i understand with perfect clarity exactly what and who you
are."
"rob." i said, in tears again. i smiled when i said,
"i think i'm in love with you too." and i awoke to
a start in cordin's arms.
** author's note :: sorrrry it's short ! i'm tired
and waiting for a creative breakthrough !**