Playing With Telemarketers
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner
when the phone rang. ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak
to Mr. Byron, please? ME: May I ask who is
calling? AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone
down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person
would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still
waiting. ME: Hello? AT&T:
Is this Mr. Byron? ME: May I ask who is
calling, please? AT&T: Yes, this is
AT&T ... ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir. ME: I
thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T:
Yes, sir, we are a phone company. ME: I
already have a phone. AT&T: We aren't
selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10
cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little
excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's
right! 24 hours a day! ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That's right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir. ME: I am
definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so! ME:
That's quite a sum of money! AT&T:
Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up. ME:
OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you
send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me? ME: You
know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T: What
are you talking about? ME: You said you'd
give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and
$52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you
will be making payment. AT&T: Oh, no, sir.
I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a
minute. ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure
that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that
I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of
subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things
like this in the Enquirer, you know. AT&T:
No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a
supervisor please? AT&T: Sir, I don't
think that is necessary. ME: I insist on
speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr.
Byron. Please hold. At this point, I begin trying to finish my
dinner. SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeah. SUPERVISOR: I
understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program. ME: Is This A T &T?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my
food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had
to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just
waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up
for the plan. SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem,
I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you. I was on hold once again and
managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation.
Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other
end of the phone. AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron,
I understand that you are interested in signing up for our
plan.? ME: No, but I was wondering - do you
have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm
an only child and I'd really like to have a little
brother... AT&T: *click*