Status: Bite me.
Joined: February 17, 2012
Last Seen: 5 years
user id: 274803
Location: Australia
Gender: F

Quotes by cassiewassy156

Never, in all the seventy billion humans who have walked this planet since the beginning of time has there been anyone exactly like you.
Never, until the end of time will there be another such as you.
You have shown no knowledge or appreciation or your uniqueness.
Yet, you are the rarest thing in the world.
Wife: Honey, can you please help me with the Garden?
Husband: Do I look like a Gardener?
Wife: Honey, the toilet it broken..
Husband: Do I look like a plumber?

(Later that day the Husband went out for lunch and when he came back everything was fixed.)

Husband: Did you fix all this?
Wife: No, the neighbors son did it. 
Husband: Oh ok..
Wife: He said make me a burger or sleep with him.
Husband: You made him a burger, right?
Wife: Do I look like Burger King?
Me most of the year: I want this this. I want that. Must have this.
Me near Christmas: I can't think of a single thing I want. 
I̶'̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶. Nah, I'm a unicorn.


W h a t ' s m o r e a w k w a r d ?
answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.



I like big butts and I can 
not lie, you other mothers can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!





a smile to your face 



So this guy was trying to hit on this girl in my class today and this happened.

Douche: HEY
Girl: What?
Douche: You know, there should be a warning sign on my d!ck
Girl: Excuse me?
Douche: Yeah, it should say choking hazard. lol *Hi fives bros*
Girl: Isn't that a label they put on small objects?

That girl just happened to be me.