chazlar

My boyfriend is none exsistent. in other words I don't have one and I don't want one - boys cause more trouble than they're worth. And I'm sorry to the lads out there who actually do treat girls right, and I'm also sorry if you're girlfriend doesn't treat you right. But most of the boys I've been with have broke my heart, and the one lad who meant actually everything to me, left me and called me a slag. And when I started moving on, he came crawling back. And I let him. Although he says things to me, and I believe them, but they're lies.. I lie to him all the time. I'm a big fat liar. And I know that. I'm not good enough for anyone, I never have been. So I'm better off alone. I make out as if I'm a f*cking angel. Well I'm not. Infact I'm quite the oppsite. I lie, I cheat, I flirt whilst I'm in a relationship, I bitch on people, alot, I hate on people, I'm jealous of a lot of people. And I'm no where near perfect. There's no such thing as perfect. If there's someone out there who's perfect you must be f*cking god or something. 

My mum and dad expect me to be a 100% f*cking genius at school. 

I'm not and I never will be, I'm as thick as an oak tree.
Okay this is having a good old banter but to all the sluts out there, who think they're fucking better than everyone else, up yours. Nobody actually likes you, they all bitch on you and they look at you on that 'popular' table and say "oh hey looks there's a table full of fucking slags' and one of those people is me. Short skirts, orange legs, crispy ginger hair are not attractive babe. You stole my boyfriend off me in year 7, you fucking slut. I hope you die, even when I was a kid you bullied me with all those other bitches that you were friends with, once a bully, always a bully. It's not cool. it's not funny and it's not clever. you're just another girl on this planet, except with a bigger head and by that I mean self-centered, fuck you, you and you and you
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I know what you're thinking 'depressed bitch' noI'm not depressed, I'm just hormonal at times and I have a really bad temper, I've not cut myself, I've done 99 scatches and got put down in the schools 'accident' book as a self-harmer, I'm not bipolar, I'm not anorexic, I'm not belimic, I'm just another girl on this earth who doesn't want to be on it. I'm nothing special, I'm just me. 

but me isn't good enough.

I love a boy who I've had too many chances with, speaking of him, I let him fall out of my arms, and I wouldn't do anything about it. It hurts so much, but there's nothing I can do about it he's gone and I won't accept it, no matter how much we try. no matter how much we beg for it to work, we won't. I love him, but he doesn't love me, we stretched it too far and it's too thin. It's all my fault. We got together 5 days ago, he's pefect and I love him, I love how loving he is towards me, I was saying things behind is back, and he found out. But was he mad with me? no. I burst out into tears after holding his hands and he wrapped his arms around me and said "You don't need to be a better girlfriend, you're the best". and I'm in love with him, he's my everything and anything. I would've give him up for the entire world..<3 

I have a bestfriend with so many problems, and she never asks me for help, she wrote a huge paragraph explaining how I'm a total bitch, and knowing that I'd read it. After I read that I didn't want to breathe anymore. I don't want to be on this planet if the only two people, ever, hate me. I would've slit my wrists if my mum and dad weren't in. And I'm being serious. I would've.
 

I feel unwanted 101% 

I feel unloved by my family

I feel used

I have no purpose anymore..

I'm not concidering suidide. But sometimes I wish I wasn't born.

 

And I wish I never had walked in Charlotte's life and effected it so much.. it's all my fault.

 

BYE.