chloetimmons

In the last 5 months, ive lost 2 stone. By myself, following no diet plans & doing plenty of exercize. Some people have asked me to start up a blog, thats basically a 'fat loss & tone up' dairy, which i will writie on every day, for those who want to follow me. Fav/comment if your interested and would use it.. my other blog was a massive flunk :( i thought it was a good idea.. keep me posted. 

My thoughts of you (part 2 of my memories of him) 

My friends mean the world to me, their opinion is what i take over anyone elses, even when it came to him, the first time we split i realised that some times, my opinion and my feelings count so much more than thiers, even if sometimes they dont agree. Thats why a few days later we were back to ourselves. 
I remember the first time he told me he loved me, i cried, not out of sadness, out of pure love. if youve read part one, you know that he wasnt the best boyfrined, and you may ask me how i was in such deep love with someone who treated me so badly? honestly i wish i knew the answer to that question, i wish i did, i wish his actions made me realise what a sick, twisted and horrible person he really was. still to this day i call him names to try and trick myself into thinking i hate him, my friends, my family they all think i hate him, im the only one who still cannot get over him, i hate him for forgetting about me, us.. our relationship, i pick up my phone and type a message to him.. i cannot help but put it back down, add the meassage to the huge list of draft messages to his name, im always thinking of things to say to him, silly things like ' i saw you today' even if i didnt, atleast it would start a conversation, fill the hole i have in my heart that at this moment only he can fill. He was such a huge part of my life, i would honestly do anything for him, even if it meant getting myself harmed, or into trouble. One year on and i still look at the permenant sccaring he left on my arms, the hand marks that are still fading, they mean something to me, and in someways, i dont want them to go.Ive still got proof of him on my body, that nobody knows about. 
In no way am i asking for sympathy, im asking for advice. 
one year on, and i still love him, so so deeply. 

ive had quite a lot of good feedback for my last quote, im thinking of doing a part 2.. comment if i should! nice to know some people can relate to parts of it. Also, please check out my blog, www.adayinthelifeofher.blog.com... i also have an instagram for my blog..'chloesblog'. Thankyou guys!xxxx

My memories with him 
We'd been going to school together for 4 years, i never liked him, i thought he was a stupid chidish, self-centred boy, we started talking because his best friend and i were quite close (friendly of course), one day him, and my friend had a major argument and i was the only one there to fix it, and i did. That night i messaged him on facebook, asking if he was alright, and thats where it all started.
We spent the majority of our days in school together, and all night on the phone, i started to get painful butterflies everytime i saw him, i always wanted to be around him, so when he asked me to prom, i felt amazing, for days. My life felt like it couldnt get better, i was going to prom with a boy who i was sure i was in love with, my friends all liked him, i was passing in school and my family life was amazing. As things got deeper, he asked me to his house, at first i was so afraid, and told him i was busy, but i wanted to see him so bad i plucked up the courage and that night my dad dropped me to his house, i was so scared it was going to be awkward, but we spent the whole night on the sofa drinking danelion and burdock pop and watching take me out, and a pile of scary films, which he was more scared at than me. 10 o clock came and my dad was outside, as i stood up, he pulled me into his arms, and thats when we had our first kiss. 
I was in a daze, i was in love. months went by and we were finally a couple, i spent all weekend at his house,and he spent the weekdays at mine, watching disney films, ordering dominos, having naps, play fighting, and having the odd argument.  Obviously, i was in my last year of school, so exams were coming up, but i just wanted to be with him, every minute of every day. We walked around the lake every night, talking about everything,  he was so amazing, and like i said i was in a daze, my perfect idea of a relationship was actually happening...but then things started to change. 
He started to get jelous of me and another friends friendship, he shouted at me and threatned me when he saw us together, even if it was walking to class, he stared to push me around, hit me when we were alone, but i just took it as a bump in the road, i hid my bruises, and carried on, as if i was in this amazing, perfect relationship. He then started to play up in school, he got banned from prom, and told me i wasnt allowed to go, i was starting to be more than something he owned, than something he loved. More time went on, more bruising, more screaming arugments and more fighting over the phone, i then find out he was a cheat, after 2 weeks of no communicaiton, i ended it. But it didnt last long, i gave in to his half hearted apologies, i wanted him back.. and he was more than happy to take me. When he got kicked out of school, people started to suspect things. He turned up every day on his bike to walk me home, he snached my phone away to check on me, he praised me for having no contact with anyone, even my best friend, who was a girl. i started to resent the person who i once loved, i stated to take a puff on my frineds ciggarette to make him angry, just so i could shout and scream at him. Just before prom, i ended our relationship for good. A few months later i saw him at a party and felt something id never felt before. Hate, it had taken me so so long to get over him, even though my relationship was so so bad. After a few bottles of cider, he took another chance and dragged me out to the garden, punched me around a bit, pinned me up against a wall and kissed me so hard i cried in pain, that night i cried myself to sleep, with my best friend beside me, half crying for me, and half becuase she was too drunk. I told myself it was over forever, and i never wanted to see him again. 
Its been over a year since the day we began to talk. and i miss him terribly. 

I never wanted a boyfriend who i could show off and who treated me like a princess, i wanted somoene like you, i let the people around me brain wash me into thinking i deserved someone else, someone who loved me more, but still.. over a years past and im still missing you, still thinking about you every day, every night before i go to sleep, hoping you will message me, text me, call me, but it never happens, becuase i let you slip, some thing that i never ever wanted to do. All i want is to message you saying hello, but i can never pick up the courage, i dont deserve someone like you, someone who hurt me so bad, someone who cheated, but for some reason, your all i want, and im scared that your alll ill ever want. 
- im actually feeling really sad tonight..