cookie_monster_love

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I love you, Daddy.
Holler! So my name doesn't matter, cause no one on here ever talks to me, like ever, but if you ask, I'll be sure to share! I have many fandoms, so feel free to talk about your otp feels conmigo! Cause believe me, I have oh so many of them.  TEAM PEENISS.
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Bubbly
chapter 18

 

"Ethan," I looked up at him, "thanks for coming back here."
"Wouldn't have missed it for the world," he put his arm around me, and I fell asleep to the steady sound of his breathing.  I was at peace.

I jumped up, screaming for someone; anyone.  Dakota's heart monitor flat-lined.  A steady beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep woke me up, and once I realized what happened, I started freaking out. Nurses and doctors ran into the room, people brought in the paddles.  They tried to jump start her heart, but she wouldn't wake up.  They pronounced her dead at 3:49pm, June 27th.  Once Caleb heard, he moved out to New York to become an  artist and never came back.

I visit her grave every Sunday.  I take my children there, my wife doesn't know.  I tell them that she was my first love, my second Mia, and my last heartbreak.  And I hope that one day, I'll see my Dakota again.  I miss her.

I remember the funeral.  Caleb didn't come.  No one did.  Except me and the preacher.  I was mad.  "No one realized how special she was."
"Son, I'm sure they knew..."  The preacher tried to comfort me.
"NO.  They didn't.  They didn't know that she was a NICE girl.  She was a pretty girl.  She was funny. And she was the most
bubbly person I've ever met.  And she's gone."

I'll never forget Dakota.


The End.



Bubbly
chapter 17

 

"...she was just that person everyone wanted to be around, y'know?  The fun one.  The gorgeous one.  The nice* one.  I was different around her.  Nicer.  Better.  But last year, right after school started, we got the diagnosis.  The headaches Mia had been getting.  The fatigue.  The paleness.  It was all cancer.  We prayed.  And fought.  But she died.  My little sister was dead.  And there was nothing I could do about it.  Not one damn thing," Ethan's voice tightened.  I buried my face into his shirt, breathed in his scent.
"And then I got to thinking.  What if there was something  I could do?  Mia needed a transplant.  No one had matched her.  What if I could match someone else's kid.  Their wife.  Husband.  Grandparent.  What if I could save a life?  So I donated bone marrow at the local drive last summer.  And the doctor's told me it saved someone's life.  That the girl was going to be okay.  I was 16 at the time.  They said the girl was 14.
"And then I was mad.  Why should this girl have gotten a match?  Where was Mia's match?!  Out of all the poeple who donate, not one person could've saved my little sister's life?!  NO.  And so I pushed the bone marrow drive out of my mind.  Focused on girls.
"I just started finding comfort in them.  It was like I had a best friend again.  A Mia.  But then I would get freaked out.  What if I lost these girls like I had lost Mia?  And I would run.  Play girls left and right.  It all caught up to me, and I just stopped caring.  As a soon-to-be senior in high school, who cares if some girl falls for me?  I'll be long gone for college soon.
"And then I got a call from some doctor.  He said that the girl I saved wanted to meet me.  I was mad.  Here was this girl.  She had everything.  SHE WAS ALIVE.  And then he told me she had cancer again.  My marrow didn't work forever.  And I was mad again.  This wasn't fair!  But I met the most amazing girl through all of this.  Her name's Dakota..."  I blushed.  I was glad Ethan was talking with me.



Bubbly
chapter 16

 

Days passed.  I tried calling Dakota's room,  she wouldn't pick up.  If she did, she'd hear me and then hang up.  Caleb would do the same.  I wasn't by myself, but I've never felt more alone.
One day, I got sick of waiting and went to go see Dakota.  I walked into her room, but no one was there.  I looked at her stats, and it said she had chemo today for a few hours.  I sat down in the chair and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And when they came back, Caleb stiffened at the sight of me.  Dakota ws oo tired to do anything,  she just sighed and said "go away, Ethan."
"No, you wouldn't answer my calls," I choked out.
"Did you ever think there was a reason for that?  She doesn't want to talk to you," Caleb spat at me.
"Maybe there's a reason I kept calling.  Dakota, please talk to me."
"I did.  I said go away," she closed her eyes as she laid down in her hospital bed.
"Dakota-"
"Stop."  She cut me off, "Just stop.  I'm tired.  I want to sleep.  Just leave me alone."  She rolled onto her side a little.
"Fine, I'll leave," I looked at her, sighed, and walked out.
I waited in the hallway.  I stayed the night there.  Convinced the nurses to let me crash there.
In the morning, I went back into her room.  She was laughing with Caleb when I walked in, and as soon as she saw me, her smile vanished.
"Why won't you leave me alone?"  She growled.
"I don't want to.  A week ago, I never knew you.  Didn't even know your name.  Five days ago, I kissed you.  And five days ago I ruined everything.  I get that.  But I'm not going to stop trying to be with you," I pleaded with her.
"Caleb, can you step out for a minute?"  She looked at him.  He opened his mouth to protest, but she stopped him, "Please."  He nodded curtly, glared at me, and walked out.
Dakota gestured for me to come by her.  I did.  She patted the bed next to her.  I sat down.  She grabbed my hand.  I squeezed hers in reply.  She pulled my neck down.  I kissed her forehead.
"I wanted you to kiss me," she whispered, looking into my eyes.
"I don't want to ruin this," I breathed in reply.
"I'll take the blame?"  She looked at my lips for a minute, and back at my eyes.  I sighed, laid down on her bed, put my arm around her shoulders, and started talking softly.
"Mia was always my best friend..."  I began, and started to tell her all about my wonderful little sister.



Bubbly
chapter 15

 

"Dakota!"  I rushed into her room, not waiting for permission.  I found her brother and her talking quietly, Caleb crying a little bit.
"What's going on?  Ethan, you're really early!"  Dakota looked at her digital clock.
"This couldn't wait," I stepped towards her, helped her stand up out of bed, and kissed her.  Not caring that her brother was watching.  Not caring that I only just met her.  Not caring about what happened.  And it felt right.  Her arms held onto my shoulders, and I felt her smile.
Caleb was in shock, I guess, because he didn't say anything.  I stopped kissing Dakota, and I smiled at her.  She was laughing slightly, and her cheeks were going a little red.  Caleb found his voice after all.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"  I was taken aback a little bit.
"It's- uh- I-"  I stuttered.  I hadn't really thought this through.
"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST COME IN HERE AND MAKE OUT WITH MY LITTLE SISTER?!"  He stood up and started to yell at me.  Dakota shrank away behind me a little.
"No, I didn't think," I said softly, but I squeezed Dakota's hand.
"OBVIOUSLY.  YOU HAD NO RIGHT.  NO FREAKING RIGHT TO DO THAT."
"Caleb!"  Dakota moved out from behind me now, "He had enough right to do that.  If I didn't want him to, I could've stopped him.  But I didn't.  So GROW UP.  Don't be a baby about this!"
"...Don't be a baby?!  So you're calling me immature?"
"YES."  Dakota crossed her arms.
"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO MADE OUT WITH SOMEONE THEY JUST MET."
"YOU ONLY WISH* YOU WERE." She shot back at him.  I didn't know whether to laugh or leave, so I sat down and waited for them to calm down.  After a while, Caleb left mumbling about "responsibility" and "stupid boy" which I took as my cue to stand up.  I walked over to her, kissed her forehead, and looked down at her.
"Hi there."
"Hi," she said softly, pulling my face towards hers.  I took this as a cue to put my arms around her, and she pressed herself up against me.  I didn't even realize she was wearing her hospital gown until my hands met the papery-like cloth.  I pulled back.
"What were you and Caleb talking about before I came in?"  I sat down in the chair Caleb just vacated.
"I told him I would take up treatment again, and when he asked why, I said you convinced me.  And then you kind of ran in here.  By the way, why did you do that?"
"And old girlfriend came to my house.  She kissed me.  And basically, all I could think of was you.  And then I kind of left, and here I am."
"Wait..."  She stepped back from me.
"What?"
"An old girlfriend just barges in, kisses you, and you leave?"  she crossed her arms.
"Well, no, it wasn't JUST like that."  I scratched the back of my neck.
"Well then what WAS it like?"  She squinted at me.
"Why?  Why are you suddenly mad?  You were so happy a minute ago!  Let's go back to that!"  I pulled her arm towards me, and she shook me off.
"No.  What.  Happened?"
"I guess I kissed her, but the point is I don't want to be with her I want to be with-"
"DON'T.  DON'T SAY IT.  I don't want some idiotic LINE from you."  She laid down on her bed and turned away from me.  I sat on the side of the bed and stroked her arm.
"You don't want a line?  Fine.  No line.  I want to be here with you.  I want to be able to kiss you when I want.  I want you to be alive.  I want to be able to dance with you.  I want you to keep fighting, just not with me or Caleb.  But with cancer.  Fight that.  Put all your energy into fighting that.  You didn't want a line?  I don't want a dead girlfriend."  I was about to walk out and find Caleb when I heard her whimper, "I'm not your girlfriend."



Bubbly
chapter 14

 

"Mom," I began as I climbed into the car, "is it okay if I come back hre tomorrow?"
"Why do you want to do that?"  She eyed me suspiciously. 
"Dakota asked me to be there," I shrugged.
"Of course, hon.  Anything for that poor girl."
When we got home, I ran up to my room and took out some of the few pictures I actually kept of my baby sister.  Her laughing.  Blowing bubbles in the summertime.  Her long hair.  I felt slaty tears on my lips, and I fell asleep thinking of my lost Mia.

The next day I spent too much time getting ready to go see Dakota.  I don't know why, I just did.  Put on a nice shirt, jeans, shoes.  Worked on my hair a little.  Then I just kept pacing back and forth.  Waiting.  For something to happen.
And happen it did.
"Why are YOU so dressed up, Ethan?"  I heard a oddly familiar voice from my doorway.  I wheeled around, and sure enough, there was Hannah.
We had a fling last summer.  Well, I had a fling, she thought it was serious.  Broke her heart.
"Why are you here?"  I said a little too bluntly.
"Not pleased to see me?  How sad.  What do you think I'm here for?"  She moved closer to me.
"I don't know, and I don't care.  I have to be somewhere soon."  I moved to the other side of the room.
"Whatever.  It can wait."  No it can't, I thought.  "I'm here because I wanted to tell you I'm over you."  She crossed her legs after she sat on my bed.
"Good for you.  Now can you leave?"  I gestured to the door.
"No, see, I thought, since I have no feelings for you, why not have one last fling?"  She looked up at me suggestively.
"Because I'm not like that anymore," I shuffled uncomfortably.
"Yeah right," she chuckled, "Once a dog, always a dog.  C'mon, Ethan, you know you want to..."  She uncrossed her legs, stood up, and pulled at the collar of my shirt.  I shrugged her off.
"No.  Stop it."  I said after she put her arms around my neck.  "I don't want to do this."
"I think you do..."  She whispered into my ear, and she was right.  I leaned in and kissed her.  Her lips pulled at mine, and my hands found their way into her hair.  But something weird happened.  It wasn't like I was kissing Hannah.  It was like I was kissing Dakota.  I could see her, not Hannah.  I pushed Hannah away, and I just started mumbling "...no...no...no..."
"What's wrong, Ethan?  Don't want to get too attached?"  She laughed.
"This never happened."  I said blankly as I walked out of my room.
Out of my house.
And to the car.
And I drove to the hospital to go see Dakota.

 

                                                    



I thought I was over witty. Done. Plain and simple. But the thought of it shutting down. It was my first diary I kept true to. It was my safehaven. It was the way I talked to my best friends outside of school. And if it gets taken down... I won't have a place to go home* to. I won't have a place to know, no matter what, I will always be a part of. I will miss it here. I love all of you who are my followers, were my followers, or favorited my quotes. I love all you witty girls (and I guess, now, guys). Stay strong, lovelies.



Bubbly
chapter 13

 

It's weird.  Dakota described how I feel about girls perfectly.  Jsut like with Caleb.  Maybe I jusdged the guy too harshly.  He pretty much is going through what I went through.
I would watch out for Dakota.  She made an impact on me.  She reminds me of Mia, I guess.  "Dakota?"  I spoke softly.
"Yeah?"  She looked up at me.
"Do you mind if I come here agian tomorrow?"
"Not at all," her face lit up; making her green eyes sparkle, "I'd love it."
"Then it's a plan," I smiled as she laid her head down on me again.
We stayed like that for hours, just talking, until the sun started setting.  I walked her back to her room, and once she got too tired, I carried her.
When we reached her room, Caleb was sitting in a chair.
"Where were you two?!"  He whispered harshly at me once Dakota fell asleep.
"Walking and talking.  Getting to know each other," I shrugged.
"She doesn't NEED to get to know you.  It's not like you're coming back," he spat at me.
"Actually, I'm coming here tomorrow."
"What?"
"I asked her if she would be okay with me coming here again tomorrow.  She said she was.  So," I looked him in the eye, "I'm going to be here tomorrow."
"If you mess with her..."
"I know the feeling."
"Do you really?!  Do you have a sister who's dying from cancer?!"
"No," I said quietly, "but-"
"But nothing!  You don't KNOW how this feels!"
"But," I continued, glaring at him, "my sister died two years ago from leukemia, so I DO know the feeling.  So shut up, Caleb.  She's not quitting."
"Really?  Cause all she's being saying is that she's going to quit," he said sarcastically.
"Well, she changed her mind.  I have to go," I whispered, looking at the clock.  My mom would be here any minute.  When Caleb didn't reply, I walked out of the room without another word.



Bubbly
chapter 12

 

I didn't know how to react to Ethan's tantrum.  Worse than that, I knew he was right.  I knew I had to try for Caleb.  But how could I try when no one other than Caleb has any hope in me?  My doctors gave up on me.  No one should deny that.  How can I convince them I want to fight?  That I want to keep going?  That I want- no, need- to show my brother I can beat this?
Me and Ethan walked for a little longer.  I was getting tired again, so I sat on the bench we were passing.  "Tell me about yourself," I crossed my legs pretzel style on the bench while Ethan sat down next to me.
"Well, my dad ran out when I was thirteen.  My mom was pregnant with Tommy, and my dad thought that three kids was too much.  So he ditched, and my mom's supported us ever since.  I like the color orange, like a sunset, and green, the color of Mia's eyes.  I'm not very interesting, I'm afraid," Ethan rubbed the back of his neck.
"Neither am I, but you ofund the need to look at me every morning from your window," I laughed.
"Hey, you did that too!"
"Yeah, I thought you were cute!"
"THOUGHT?"  Ethan winked.
"Yeah, THOUGHT.  Because  I had a boyfriend soon after," I grinned.
"Where's he?"  Ethan stopped smiling.
"Oh, he cheated on me- well, he broke up with me, but didn't tell me- and then went out with my best friend- well, ex-best friend.  So he's no longer in the picture..."
"He sounds like a tool," Ethan stared at a tree.
"I guess he was.  But most guys are, right?"
"Now that's what I hate a bout girls," Ethan turned back to me, "just because one guy's rude, they swear off all guys, or say all guys are jerks!  That's not it!  They just friend-zone any decent guy that comes along and complain to him!"
"And guys don't do the same?"  I smiled at him.
"What do you mean...?"
"My brother?  He loved this one girl.  She dumped him for 'someone hotter', as she put it, and he was crushed.  He moped around his room for weeks and he hasn't looked at any girl since."
"He's probably just watching out for you..."  Ethan mumbled.
"Yeah, probably," I laid my head on Ethan's shoulder, enjoying the first person other than my brother who was visiting with me.



Bubbly
chapter 11

 

"You laugh a lot,"  I smiled.
"Well, when you live in here, you need to laugh at little things.  You need to smile.  Otherwise you'll just become depressed and angry all the time.  And I'm in here  a lot," Dakota grinned slightly.
"Oh," I looked at her, "that's a nice way to look at it."
"Versus 'I hate life.  Why me?  I'm a GOOD PERSON'?"
"Yeah, that's the normal reaction," I winked.
"Well normal is boring.  And I hate boring!"  She laughed again.  She was full of life.  Just so full of happiness, it seemed to spill out of her.  I thought back to Mia, and I teared up a little.  Towards the end, she was nothing like this.  She was sick all the time, cried a lot, and threw up nearly every hour.  "Now I have a question," Dakota snapped me back into reality.
"What's up?"  I walked her out the back doors into the hospital's quad.
"Why did you donate?"  She sat on the grass under a big tree.
"My little sister.  She died from leukemia the year before I donated.  Almost two years ago."  I sat down next to Dakota, not asking why we stopped already.  She probably needed a rest.
"I'm really sorry," She put her hand on my arm, and looked into my eyes.
"It's not like you could've known," I shook her hand off, "It's not like we ever talked.  You didn't even know who I was," I spat at her.  I don't know why I was mean to her.  She didn't deserve that from me.  Not with what she was going through, not if she said anything about Mia, not for anything.  What would Mia be saying?
"Look, there's no need to be rude," She crossed her arms, "It's like you said, we never talked."  She was right.  I knew it, she knew it, Mia knew it.
"My little brother.  He's four.  He still doesn't get that Mia's dead.  He doesn't understand that he'll never see her again."
"Won't he have pictures of Mia?"  Dakota leaned against the tree's bark.
"No, I burned them."  She sat up, and a little chunk of hair stuck to the tree.  I pretended not to notice.
"You WHAT?"  She looked at me like I was crazy, which I probably was.
"I said, I burned them.  Don't look at me like that!  You don't get it!  To see her, laughing, as if nothing had happened!  It hurt!  I didn't burn all of them, at least.  I burned the ones of her and me, and my mom freaked, so she hid the rest," I laid down in the grass, inhaling the spring air.  Dakota couldn't stop looking at me, her face was reflecting so many emotions.  Shock, confusion, even anger, hurt, and betrayal.  I galred at her, "WHAT."
"Nothing, I was just thinking that I would hate it if my brother, Caleb, was like you."  She shook her head at me.
"Excuse me?  where do you get off saying THAT?"  I sat up defensively.
"Because I would WANT him to look back on the pictures of me 'laughing, as if nothing had happened,'" She quoted me, "I would want to think he would remember me like that.  Not the sick, dying girl you see before you."
"Maybe you didn't think of his whole thing from the older brother's point of view.  Maybe you didn't think that he loves you, can't imagine you gone, cries at night from worrying about you.  MAYBE HE'S NOT OKAY WITH YOU QUITTING.  GIVING UP ON LIFE," people turned to stare at us, so I quieted my voice, softened it even, "Dakota, you've been dealt a hard life.  No one's denying that.  But this is hard for him too.  His little sister dying.  You said you had no parents.  You're all he has.  You can't quit.  You just...  You just can't.  Let's keep walking,"  I stood up and offered her my hand.  She took it slowly, and I pulled her up.



Bubbly
chapter 10

 

"Hi, I'm Dakota!"  I the girl smiled.  How could she smile like this?  She was obviously dying.  How could this girl be so strong when death was staring her in the eyes?  It reminded me oddly of Tommy and Missy, how it felt like she didn't understand what was happening.  But her brother certainly did.
"Ethan..."  I stared at her.  Did she not know who I was?  All the times we looked across the street to see each other?  She probably doesn't know who I am.  She probably has a boyfriend.
"Well hi there, Ethan!  You're probably wondering why some random girl asked you to show up in a depressing hospital room.  Well," she walked over to me and gave me a hug, "you saved my life."  I felt my muscles stiffen.  Some random girl is hugging me.  It's weird.  But she's not random.  She's a girl whose life I saved, apparently.   "I mean, your bone marrow saved me," she let go.
"Yeah, they said someone had gotten the transfer," I shrugged.
"Yeah, and that someone is standing in front of you, very much alive, but not for long," she smiled sadly.  So I guess she DID understand what was happening to her.  She knew she was dying.  Fighting a losing battle.  Like Mia was.
"Oh?"  I pretended I had no clue what she was talking about.
"No one told you?  My cancer came back," she got quiet, "and well, this batch doesn't want to leave unless it takes me down too."  Her brother left the room, muttering again and again "won't die".
"I'm sorry," I said, being completely honest, "Is there-"
"Anything you can do?"  She chuckled, cutting me off, "They said no.  The doctors, I mean.  The bone marrow was a one shot thing, and the cancer overrode your transfer.  But it was very sweet to offer something, even though you probably don't mean it."
"So, Dakota..."  I roughly tried to change the topic.
"Yeah, Ethan?"  She smiled.
"Where are your parents?  I mean, I met your LOVELY brother, and he seems fond of me.  But no mom around, no dad?"
Her face fell, the smile turning into an expressionless face, "My mom died nearly two months ago.  And my father...  He ran out on us years ago."
"Man, I am just BRIGHTENING your day here, aren't I?"  I felt bad.
"Oh no, no, no.  You are making it better!  I just wanted to meet and thank the person who gave me a month of freedom from a slow death.  So... Thanks!"  She kissed me on the cheek, "Want to go for a walk?"
"Yeah.  A walk would be nice,"  I followed her out of the room, "I have a question."
"You're just full of those!"  She laughed.
"Do you know who I am?"  I stopped walking once we reached the elevator.
"Well, your name is Ethan and you gave a bone marrow transplant that saved my life, so to be cliche, you'd be 'my hero!'"
"And also your neighbor..."  I looked her in the eyes.
"What?"
"I lived across the street.  I would open my curtains to get dressed...?"
She blushed, "Oh yeah.  I remember you," instantly Dakota became composed and cool again, "it's hard to tell when you don't have your shirt off!"  she laughed as we left the elevator.

 
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