craziirose

three types of single girls:

the realistic ones: i'll probably never get a boyfriend because i'm ugly and unsocial
the confident ones: i'll get a boyfriend one day! i just need to wait for the right guy to come along
me: i'm pretty much the hottest person on this planet, guys don't fate me because they'll be burned by my awesomeness and hotness



 

When you live in a place your whole life, you begin to hate it.
But it's like secretly, you love it here.
Because it's your home.

I've lived in this town and house my whole life.
Over eighteen and a half years I have lived here.

I've gone to school with practically the same people my whole life.
And it's so hard to believe that it's all done.
It's hard to fathom that I won't see many of the people I saw everyday at school anymore.

I met some great people and I met some terrible people.
But either way, I am so thankful for it.

There is no other place I could imagine growing up in.

We've had our up and God knows we've had our downs.
But we have become a family in all this time.

We look at each other in the hallways and we remember each others faces.

We see people we've known for years and say "I can't believe we made it to this day."

We won't hear that bell ring anymore.
We won't sit down at lunch and eat together anymore.
We won't have fights over stupid things anymore.
We won't be able to small talk in the halls anymore going to our next class.
None of that will be possible anymore.

People always say I hated it here because I always had an attitude.
Heck, in class yesterday, when the teacher asked where I wanted to be in ten years, I straight out said, "Not here."
So, yes, they were right.
But I look back now and I say to myself, it wasn't actually half bad.

I'm going to miss everyone around me.
All the students and the teachers.
I'm going to miss my dean especially.
She has stuck with me through thick and thin.
Even up until the last day of school, I believe.
I was a pain in her a.ss but she was one of the only ones who truly understood me.

There was a few others and I wish I could thank every single one of them.
I want to thank my mother especially.
She's always been there for me and stood up for me when no one else would.
She's my rock and I'm going to be lost without her.

I remember walking in on that first day of school.
From day one, I can tell you I've been dying to get out.
I remember walking out and driving out of that parking lot on the last day.
From day one to the last day, my feelings changed.
And now I can't believe where all the time went.

Now that day has come and it's like, I wish I could could back to day one and do it all over again.
It's funny how time flies so fast when you don't want it to.
You just want to stop the world and get off for a minute or two to get your head straight again.

I never thought this day would come but here I am.
I thought I would have cracked by noe.

But I'm so glad and thankful that I've had so many amazing people to keep me on track.

One day you're fourteen, wishing to be free.
But the next day you're eighteen, wishing you were fourteen again.

I can't believe it's over.
But I've got a whole life to begin.
Class of 2013, Chelmsford High School, thank you.
Thank you for being the best class I could ever ask for.

Bittersweet.
I never really quite understood what that meant.
Look it up in the dictionary and you find, "pleasure mixed together with sadness or pain."
Right now, I feel bittersweet.
Happy because I'm done.
But sad because it's over.
It's as if an era has ended for me.
But it's like, an amazing new one has just begun.

I've recently gotten close with this one boy.
His name is common, and he looks like any other boy.
But he's different to me.
I've known him for about two years now, except this year I started talking to him.
People told me he was just like the rest.
Tool, dou.che, as.shole, idiot.
It takes someone who really knows him to understand that he is not.
He's had a rough life.
Kicked out of his house at 15, forced to move, stuck in a boring town full of nobodys.

I've had this small crush on him since the beginning of the year.
But recently, now that school is coming to a close, it's growing stronger.
I've realized that I don't want to miss him.
I want him to stay in my life for as long as possible.
But I don't want to just hang out with him.
I want to do everything with him.
He's not perfect but neither am I.
I don't know how I'm going to bring this on to him.
But I'm going to have to before June 1.
I can't lose my courage to do this.
I wish I could say I know what he would say but I don't.
I'm just hoping that I'm not the only one who sees this chemistry between us.
We've clicked from day one to day 180.
And I want that 180 to turn into years.

I recently realized that I needed to go through that one bad boyfriend to finally get what I deserve.
And I'm here now, and I want so badly to deserve him.

My dean at school thinks I have a crush on my friend.
She thinks it's adorable because she's never really seen me date someone.
But if all goes well, I'm dying to tell her.
Dying to tell her that me and another student of hers, are together.
She won't expect it at all.

I live in a town everyone claims to hate;
yet they never seem to leave.



 

You grow up in a town your whole life, and it becomes home.
Regardless of if you liked it, loved it, disliked it or hated it.

I always said "I can't wait to leave here."
I was just saying this a month ago.

But I'm here now and I can't help but say, "I don't want to go."
Of course I will goo, because I have to and need to.
But I'm going to miss it here when I'm gone.

I always thought I would feel relief at this moment.
But I never imagined that I'd feel sad about leaving, too.

You aren't a size zero?
So what? I'm not a size zero.
I don't know anyone who is a size zero for that matter.
It doesn't matter what size you are.
What does matter is who you are.
So what if you're a size twelve or even a size two.
F.ck what other people say.

I've always been small.
And it isn't fair when someone says I have an eating disorder.
I don't work out at all nor do I really watch what I eat.
And I'm still a size two, and getting smaller.
My freshman year, four years ago, I was a size five.
I don't even try to lose weight, it just goes.
And then when people tell me they're worried about me, is when it gets out of hand.
I don't think people understand.
I'm literally a garbage dispoal.
I love food and never stop eating.
That may sound unhealthy but in my case it is not.
I've always ate wicked slow compared to everyone around me.
And it digests the food faster which is what I am so skinny.
It isn't like I choose to be this skinny.
And to have people look at me and wish they were my size.
Don't blame me for something that isn't my fault to begin with.