I have chronic depression. I know it. My friends
know it. But my family doesn't. I don't cut myself or
anything like that. But when I do get depressed I sit in my room.
And I cry. I just cry until I'm all out of tears, until there
is nothing left in me except for hate. Hate for myself, I wanna
know why I'm not the prettiest, or the thinnest, or the most
popular. And I finally got up the courage. I asked one of my
closest guy friends. And he didn't hold anything back. I was
told I was transparent, insecure, annoying, oh and my personal
favorite easily manipulated. I cried, I cried until I fell asleep.
I questioned. I questioned why I was still breathing. Why do I want
to be alive when no one really cares for me? When I'm too
annoying and easily manipulated?! I hate my life enough. But I
needed to hear that. It solidified my hatred of myself. I almost
killed myself last year. I didn't attempt. But boy. DId I wish.
I was to the point in my life where I couldn't talk without
crying. I tried to starve myself but, my friends wouldn't let
me. They made sure I was always breathing and eating. I can't
thank them enough. But now. Are you wondering why I wrote this? I
wrote this to prove one point. You are a kind person. If you at any
point during this said "don't do that" "you are
perfectly fine" "don't try and change" or
anything like that. You are a good person. And the world needs you.
Just because I'm still depressed and still finding myself
doesn't mean you should be. Your life is precious. You
can't be replaced. And you clearly have a big heart. You just
started to care for me. Even though you don't know me. Now,
even if you didn't you read this to the end. And I thank you
for that. Just always remember. YOU are important. And some days
you do just need to sit and cry. You need to sit, and think to
yourself why you don't like yourself, but once you've done
that. Pick your head up, because if you die. SOMEONE will care.
And, if you need someone to talk to email me: crazykt01@gmail.com
I'll help you the best I can and even if I can't help
I'll be a friend to you. And sometimes, that's all you
need. So thank you for reading this. For listening to my vent,
thanks for reading the beginning of my pain. For that
I LOVE
YOU