cupcakesgorawr

i dont know anymore. 
It's past midnight, i have school tomorrow. 
I can't sleep though,
you're on my mind again.
I was rereading our old conversations from last year december. 
We were saying I love you to each other every two minutes, and talking about everything. 
What about now ? 
I always catch you glancing at me.
Well , actually, i'll admit. i'm the one staring at you during band , 
the one class we have together. 
and you're always craning your neck backwards.
and we catch each others eyes for half a milisecond, and both look away.
or when we see each other walking. we glance up at each other.
and then quickly look back down.
like we dont know each other.
at all.
and youre avoiding me now. 
i know it. 
do you know how much this hurts? 
obviously not.
i still love you though.
and if you went up to me any day from now to the end of my life and just hugged me, kissed me, said you were sorry, or said you loved me ? 
I'd be trapped in love with you.
all over again.
i know that.
i still love you.
im giving you a chance. 
please,
im begging you,
take it. 

your birthday is tomorrow, March 8, 2012
we havent talked since february 25th.
what am i supposed to do

</3 

I'm just going to vent to myself . 

Your birthday is in two weeks. March 8, 2012. I made/am making you a powerpoint . But the thing is, it's been awkward lately. awkward the whole 2012  , pretty much . I miss last year. We were just so close. We might as well of been dating, that's how close we were. Now, you're too busy playing League of Legends, but you won't admit it. Every day I wait for you to talk to me. But instead, you're hanging out with a friend, or "doing homework" which you used to say you never did. Obviously you're just playing LoL , but why lie? Every. Single. Day. I sit in front of my laptop, refreshing my textfree, or waiting for you to go online on facebook. But it's almost as if you .. avoid me. You never talk to me online anymore. We never really talked in person, even though we talked a lot online. We were each others first kiss. I would skip after school programs to hang out with you for thirty minutes, hugging and doing other pda things. We'd do those things outside the band room, where not many people went. We said I love you to each other every night. Sometimes more than 10 times a day ! I was in love. Yeah, you were a whole grade older than me. But i was in love. I truly was. I miss you so much. It's going to be so awkward on your birthday. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate you, yet I love you. You're my first real love. Every second i spend not talking to you is just plain torture. I can't concentrate on my homework, and my grades are dropping. I just can't think without you with me. But i guess you're just like everyone else, huh ? You pick me up, make me fall for you, and then drop me. One day, I'll learn. For now ? I'll just keep falling </3

∞
To Infinity and Beyond

Ohana

means family. And family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.

I wonder if you smile at my texts,
like i smile at yours. 

You're beautiful<3

And don't let anyone tell you otherwise(:

If you didn't mean what you said... 

then why did you say it in the first place?