today i dreamt of him last night, my ex fiance;
it's been a long four years since we last talked.
our break up was not emotional because i faked that i was strong
& now i think he thinks i never cared but i did. i stilL do.
this was the first time i ever dreamt of him, i avoided him, i
walked away i cried i hid i was scared but he came to me. he said
he's sorry & that until now, when he looks at his
girlfriend, when he closes his eyes when he sleeps w/ her at night
he thinks that its me, but when he opens them it's not & it
kills him, but there's nothing we can do .... for now.
im hurt on the verge of breaking down but i dont, i cant say
anything, he goes away again & this time i run back but then my
phone rings & i wake up - i'm crying my pillow is wet from
my tears; my body is numb, i feel helpless, depressed, dead.
only he can make me feel so alive & so dead at the same time, i
miss you ken, i need you once last time just once ; i need you in
the real world, i need you to tell me that it will be okay, i need
you to hug me and tell me we're at least friends that you
never forgot how we loved. thats all i want if we cant have
'us' back.
<3