desolated

Status: blur
Joined: May 25, 2015
Last Seen: 8 years
Birthday: June 9
user id: 391377
Gender: F
 ©reds 

you opiate this hazy head of mine

I'm Ella, I'm sixteen, I enjoy koolaid also I'm a loser who watches too much tv and worships the ground that matty healy walks on 
 

Quotes by desolated

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But on this shirt
founyousmell
AND I JUST SAT THERE FOR AGES
contemplating what to do with myself.
 

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I'm livinin an age
whose name I don't know
though the fear keeps  mmoving
still my heart beats so slow.
 

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Wtakwhawe'rgiven,
AND JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN
don't meayou'rforgiven.
 
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“Opposites attract”
should be reserved for like “she’s messy and he’s neat!”
Not like“she’s supportive and he’s a soul-sucking toxic person!”
“I love you, but I’m mad at you is one of the most freeing, important things you can say in a stable relationship. Does that make sense? To know that you have the ability and the right to be mad at someone and know that it doesn’t mean things are over, that it doesn’t mean things are irreparable. That it just means I’m mad, but God, I love you. I love you. Now leave me alone.”
—  To be good, to save nothing


once on a yellow peice of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and thats what it was all about
his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts.
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny nails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed alot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it

once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
beause of the new paint
and the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see santa claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and thats what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostles's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much make up
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
becuase it was the thing to do
and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time
he didnt think he could reach the kitchen----
It’s sad to think that the majority of my teenage years were spent trying to survive rather than actually living
—  me unfortunately

Take me back 
to your bed
i love you so much
that it hurts my head //







(( Nobody drinks a bottle of vodka for fun, and that's a damn fact. ))





 
“I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. If this gets any worse, I might have to go back to the doctor. It's getting that bad again."

Love Always, Charlie
The Perks of being a Wallflower

 

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