Do not kiss the first boy who
calls you beautiful.
Do not fall in love with the
first boy who looks
at you like you are the answer
to the question he has
been asking himself all his life.
This is is easier said than done.
He will have a wishing
well of a mouth,
and as much as you want
to believe what he says is true,
you should know that
his lips are hiding lies
between each crinkle
of his smile.
Unfold him, find the truth.
When he tells you he is hollow,
that the pennies you left with him
fell through bottomless pockets,
do not beg.
Do not plead.
Do not reach in for one last kiss.
He will only take more of you.
It is what he does,
his hands are strong for a reason.
Do not fall in love with a boy
who calls you beautiful
until you do not need him to say it
for it to be true.
“Sometimes
I’d spend days trying to figure out what my life meant, or
what meaning it gave. Hours lost in trances, simply wondering
at the infinite possibilities that I could become, or create,
or influence. Precious minutes I would stare at my reflection,
only to feel lost and confused in the end. It’s been years
since I asked myself who I was. Years since I questioned my
emotions and actions and thoughts, all since I realized how
ironic it was to be asking the person who most in the world
didn’t know.
Here’s the thing. Men in our culture have been socialized
to believe that their opinions on women’s appearance
matter a lot. Not all men buy into this, of course, but many
do. Some seem incapable of entertaining the notion that not
everything women do with their appearance is for men to look
at. This is why men’s response to women discussing
stifling beauty norms is so often something like “But
I actually like small boobs!” and “But I
actually like my women on the heavier side, if you know what I
mean!” They don’t realize that their
individual opinion on women’s appearance doesn’t
matter in this context, and that while it might be reassuring
for some women to know that there are indeed men who find them
f.uckable,
that’s not the point of the discussion.
Women, too, have been socialized to believe that the ultimate
arbiters of their appearance are men, that anything they do
with their appearance is or should be “for
men.” That’s why women’s magazines trip
over themselves to offer up advice on “what he wants
to see you wearing” and “what men think of
these current fashion trends” and “wow him
with these new hairstyles.” While women can and do
judge each other’s appearance harshly, many of us grew up
being told by mothers, sisters, and female strangers that
we’ll never “get a man” or
“keep a man” unless we do X or lose some
fat from Y, unless we moisturize//trim/shave/push
up/hide/show/”flatter”/paint/dye/exfoliate/pierce/surgically
alter this or that.
That’s also why when a woman wears revealing clothes,
it’s okay, in our society, to assume that she’s
“looking for attention” or that
she’s a s.lut and wants
to sleep with a bunch of guys. Because why else would a woman
wear revealing clothes if not for the benefit of men and to
communicate her sexual availability to them, right? It
can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that
it’s hot out or it’s more comfortable or she likes
how she looks in it or everything else is in the laundry or she
wants to get a tan or maybe she likes women and wants attention
from them, not from men?
The result of all this is that many men, even kind and
well-meaning men, believe, however subconsciously, that
women’s bodies are for them. They are for them to look
at, for them to pass judgment on, for them to bless with a
compliment if they deign to do so. They are not for women to
enjoy, take pride in, love, accept, explore, show off, or hide
as they please. They are for men and their pleasure.
1. If you like someone, wait. 2. Give lots of compliments, even if
you’re shy. Everyone else is too. 3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get
new sheets. Become better than you were before. 4. Eat healthier. Learn to cook something
fancy. 5. Get up earlier and watch the sun come
up. 6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink
something warm. 7. Meet someone new, even just a friend. 8. Become closer with your friends and your
family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell
everyone how much you appreciate them. 9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let
the natural light in. 10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be
better off without them. Believe they are true, because they
are. 11. Listen to new music. 12. Write everything you’re thinking and
feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and
angry letters, even if you’re never going to send
them. 13. It’s okay to be sad, but not
forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem.
Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every
morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good
day. 14. Go to the library. Don’t forget to
look in the music section. 15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the
things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not
worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to
the things that make you sad. 16. Make new memories. 17. Try to find something to appreciate in
everything you do or experience. 18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have
to surround yourself with people. 19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself
coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time. 20. Learn to love every bit of yourself.
a woman’s body is not for you. if she wants to cover it
she should feel free and safe in doing so. if she wants to
expose it she should feel free and safe in doing so. it is not
an indication of her self-respect but an indication of her
preferences for whatever reasons she chooses — none of
which are your business or concern.