dirty_little_secret_12

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It's about time I realize that Middle School is over. Some of my best friends are leaving me. I'm going to High school. It feels like one day I'm gonna wake up and everything will be back to normal, but it won't be. I want to wake up, go to my 8th grade homeroom, be with my friends and my favorite teacher(s), see him everyday. but it's all gone, and it isn't going to happen. He moved to New Jesery, and chances are he's not coming back. I hate change. I want things to stay that way forever. It sucks, I want things to get better but I have a feeling they won't. My best friend is leaving me for private school, and he won't even return my texts anymore. People tell me people leave your life so better ones can come in, but that isn't true. The person I love is gone, and I didn't get a chance to tell him how I feel. My best friend is gone, and I didn't tell him how much he means to me. I want everything to be the same again.

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Dear Crush,

For some reason, I just can't get over you. It all started in the middle of Feburaury, when we were in 7th grade. You and your brother moved here, You were in all my classes and we always talked. I remeber throwing paper at each other, sticking our tounges out at each other, and talking a lot. You always made me laugh, with every single thing you said. I got jealous everytime. When the 7th grade was about to end, my friends and I were picking on you and I thought you would hate me forever. Then, I chatted you in the middle of summer to find out you don't hate me. lol then we talked about poop. 8th grade started and we didn't have much classes togather, only one which was unified arts. I ended up sitting right behind your brother in Social Studies class, which at the time I hated him. We still talked, still stuck our tounges out at each other, but later on in that year we seem to drifited away. I got closer and closer to your brother each day, as I got farther and farther away from you each day. Then I remeber seeing you two at the mall, with your mom. your brother was shy to see me and my friend but you smiled when i walked up to you. well, atleast I think you did. we had a french project togather, which i told everyone i was mad to be with you, but i was the happiest i've been in awhile. I asked you if you hated me again, and you said no. lol i remeber i got an A on that project and you got a C. then, you had a girlfriend. I tried to convenice my self I was over you but i really wasn't. i found out you just went out with the girl because you hadn't had a girlfriend in awhile. time went on, and i got closser to your brother. towards the end of 8th grade, i told on of my "friends" i liked you. i went to the library that afternoon and you told me she told you i liked you. i lied and said no. then i rembered you pantsed me lol. we talked for a bit that day, and i asked you why you went out with that girl. you said you felt bad for her. i told him i heard some stuff about him and my friend, doing "things" he said it wasnt true. the year went by, and i grew some feelings for your brother. we ended up kissing, and deep down inside i just wanted to make you jealous. i know your brother told you about the kiss, but you never said anything to me. by graduation, we eneded up sitting next to each other in music class. finally talking a bit. lol you called me crack baby basically the whole year, but maybe it was an exuse to talk to me? the last day i saw you was the day before graduation. it was a graduation practice and we were getting our practice diplomas. i didn't know that was the last time i would see you. it was the dance that night, and i got a text from your brother saying you guys couldnt make it to graduation the next day. i was crushed. i didnt get a chance to say goodbye. i had a little feeling you would show up, but you didnt. when they called your name, and you didnt get up, it was the worst feeling in the world. i heard you came around on your skateboard, but i didnt see you. well now your gone to New Jersey. with a girlfriend. you look happy so i guess i might as well as be happy for you. It sucks, cause I was to scared to tell you how I felt after a year and a half of liking you. i regret it so much and now your gone. im over your brother, but it feels like ill never be over you. maybe im in love? but how does that happen when your 14 years old. i miss you more and more everyday, and i hope you come back. please.

It feels like I can't trust anyone anymore.

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