disregardedBeauty

You Didn't Even Kiss Me Goodbye

I replay our last day together over and over at least six billion times a day.
We had been back together for four days after three weeks of not speaking. You just got out of football and I was in the band room, practicing my trombone. You texted me, asking where I was and you waited for me outside. Then you saw me, jumped up, and followed me to our place. I like to call it our place because it was the only place we’d ever go together. The only place no one would see us. I ignored my gut feeling and we continued walking. You put your arm around me, something you never do, and began whispering sweet things into my ear. The roughness in your voice alone gave me chills. We got to the park and I stopped by the swings, you grabbed my wrist, turned me around to face you, and got real close to my face. “I can’t walk any further without kissing you.” You whispered and softly grazed my lips with yours. I nearly melted before i spun back around and continued walking to the furthest tree in the corner, the most private. You caught up and we held hands the rest of the way, something else we never did. When we got there, you lay down with one arm stretched to the side of you, your right; I took it as an invitation and gently put my head on it. You kissed my forehead.. once.. twice.. then moved down to my lips. You rolled your arm out from under me and traced the top of my jeans with it, balancing my chin with your other. Your hand moved to my thigh and you wrapped my leg over yours. We kissed, really kissed, before I pulled away and you mumbled how much you missed my kisses. I couldn’t have agreed more. I was nervous, so nervous, and I could hardly respond to anything you said. All I could think about was you and our future together. When our pecks started turning into real kisses, you got up and I followed you into the restroom, something that had become a weekly routine for us. This time it seemed different, though. I shrugged off the feelings with the excuse that it was just because we hadn’t seen each other for a while. Once inside, you kept putting your arms around my waist and just standing there pressing your forehead against mine staring into  my eyes. It felt like time was standing still and you don’t know this, but, i tried to pause that moment. I thought maybe if i focused hard enough, everything would freeze and we could be stuck in that moment forever. Then you stopped kissing me and when I looked into your eyes, they trailed off to your pocket. You were slowly pulling something out. I looked back at you and you smiled my favorite crooked smile before quickly shoving it back into your pocket. I let things take their course without protest and before I knew it, I was on my back on the floor in a public restroom behind our high school. You wouldn’t even look me in the eyes. The whole experience lasted about two minutes before you got up and began putting your clothes back on. You still didn’t look at me. I mimicked your actions and did the same, still speechless. We walked out together and sat at a picnic table. You had just taken my virginity and you wouldn’t even sit on the same bench as me. I had no idea what to say, no words could express how I felt. I stayed silent, and you got mad and left. I called after you but when you turned around, nothing could come out, my voice had completely stopped working, and you stormed off again. I stood there unable to move and watched you walk away. You continued walking and didn’t even look back. I walked passed you with tears in my eyes and there was still no sign of my existence. I kept walking and walking and walking until I collapsed and couldn’t stop crying. I ended up back at the park and went into the bathroom where an hour and a half before, I had given myself to you. When enough thoughts had gone through my head, I went home and waited all night for a call that never came.
♥  

I feel so much better now that you're gone forever.
 I'll tell myself that I don’t miss you at all.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
what if this time, I break your heart?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 

I'll be just fine pretending I'm not.
 

im not kissing you goodbye. ♥ 
 

this time i'll keep my distance,
only say "i love you" when you're not listening.

when you’re too in love to let it go..
♡ 

 

and after all this time,
i'm finally starting to favorite love quotes again.
<3
 

"ever have those days where you don’t talk- not because you don’t want to, but because you cant?"
everyday.

if misery loves company, then so long
..you'll miss me when im gone.