I understand that scissors
can beat paper, and I get how
rock can beat scissors, but
there’s no way paper can
beat rock. Paper is
supposed to magically wrap
around rock leaving it
immobile? Why can’t
paper do this to
scissors? Screw scissors,
why can’t paper do this
to people? Why
aren’t sheets of college
ruled notebook paper constantly
suffocating students as they
attempt to take notes in
class? I’ll tell
you why, because paper
can’t beat anybody, a
rock would tear it up in two
seconds. When I play rock
paper scissors, I always choose
rock. Then when somebody
claims to have beaten me with
their paper I can punch them in
the face with my already
clenched fist and say, oh
sorry, I thought paper would
protect
you.
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