i could care less
ABOUT THE CLOTHES YOU
WEAR||||||||
or the music you listen to
[ [ [ how you like to do your
hair ] ] ]
all i care about are your
e y
e s
NOT THE COLOR OR THE SHAPE.
________but when i look
into your eyes
i/want/to/be/able/to/feel/something
safe, dangerous,
comfortable, riveted,
adored, unafraid, strong, connected
but most of all, i want to feel
love
thinking of you
P R O L O G U E
.
The worst part about the breakup was that I couldn't
remember how it felt to look in Cormac's eyes . I
mean, I wouldn't admit that to anyone ever. I would
lie and tell people that it was magical, and riveting,
and possibly hoarded itself as the best emotional
breakthrough that I would ever have. Instead, I replaced
whatever was there - in that place where that feeling
should be - with a heavily empty sort of guilt. Looking
back, I wondered if we had ever truly looked in his eyes.
But I mean, I had to have done so. I could easily recall
the color blue it was. Not too green, not too grey, but
somehow, the blue wasn't overpoweringly bright or
cheesy like in the movies or the stories. They were
perfect.
But the concept was so silly. I could never replace such
a feeling, and I had buried it under so many other
feelings, that I knew I might never feel something like
that again.
Maybe I didn't want to feel it again.
I mean, because maybe if that feeling came back, I'd
think of him.
And then the feeling would just be gone again, and
I'd feel the hurt.
The hurt I felt that night, pressing the keys of a phone
that wasn't even mine. And the send button, and the
way I didn't want to click it.
And how I did click it and I clicked it so hard and so
long, my finger hurt. But that immediate pain in my
chest, it vanished. And that vanishing was all I needed
not to call him, and to take everything back.
Because all that text had said was that everything was
over. We, as a couple, Cormack and I, were over.
And it was back the next day, when I saw the back of his
head in the cafeteria.
Not even the front of his head, or his eyes. I knew his
eyes could hold all sorts of things but I didn't want
to know them.
And now maybe I did want to know them, because I could
hug him if they were sad or smile with him if he was
happy.
But I didn't see. I didn't even try to see.
And now all I want is to look into his eyes again.
Cormac's eyes.
--
Should I continue into Chapter One? And oh - comment if
you have a relatable story / suggestion for writing. I
know it isn't fabulous, but it's a little bit
like a memoir for me.
C O M P A R I S O
N S A R E E A S I L Y D O N E O N C E Y O U H A V E H A D A
T A S T E O F P E R F E C T I O N
*ncmf