fadedl0v3r

I just want someone to help me.

please save me from myself.

Tell me you don't drag the blade across your skin and hope for the courage
to press down.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines, 

he wrote a poem 

and he called it “Chops”

because that was the name of his dog

and that’s what it was all about

and his teacher gave him an A 

and a gold star

and his mother hung it on the kitchen door 

and read it to his aunts.

That was the year Father Tracy

took all the kids to the zoo

and he let them sing on the bus

and his little sister was born

with tiny toenails and no hair

and his mother and father kissed a lot 

and the girl around the corner sent him a

Valentine signed with a row of Xs 

and he had to ask his father what the Xs meant

and his father always tucked him in bed at night

and was always there to do it.

 

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines,

he wrote a poem

and he called it “Autumn”

and that’s what it was all about

and his teacher gave him an A

and asked him to write more clearly

and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because of its new paint

and the kids told him 

that Father Tracy smoked cigars 

and left butts on the pews

and sometimes they would burn holes.

That was the year his sister got glasses

with thick lenses and black frames 

And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus

and the kids told him why 

his mother and father kissed a lot

and his father never tucked him into bed at night

and his father got mad

when he cried for him to do it.

 

Once on a paper torn from his notebook,

he wrote a poem 

and he called it “Innocence: A Question”

because that was the question about his girl

and that’s what it was all about

and his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look

and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because he never showed her.

That was the year that Father Tracy died 

and he forgot how the end

of the Apostle’s Creed went

and he caught his sister

making out on the back porch

and his mother and father never kissed

or even talked

and the girl around the corner 

wore too much make up

that made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway

because that was the thing to do

and at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed

his father snoring soundly

 

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag,

he tried another poem.

And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”

because that’s what it was really all about

and he gave himself an A 

and a slash on each damned wrist

and he hung it on the bathroom door

because this time he didn’t think 

he could reach the kitchen. 

sometimes i want to blame you for all of that hurt,
but i guess i'm the one that gave you the advantage to hurt me.




 

me: i haven't taken a picture of myself in a while
me: *takes picture*
me: oh that's why

you may have barely gotten through today,
but one day you'll see just how precious your life is,
no matter how tough it is.
the moment your life flashes before your eyes,
you'll thank yourself.
for pushing through.

I won't let you win.
Not this time, my friend.
You know that I'm better in the end.
You won't take my pride.
I'll keep my head held high.
I know that I'm better in the end.