faith_is_passionate_intuition

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Joined: January 24, 2012
Last Seen: 8 years
user id: 267548
 
 
 


 

Hello, everyone.
 My name is Amanda.

I am the single most ticklish person alive and blow out the candles in December... the 13th to be exact. Witty is my heart. It truly does give me confidence to write what I feel. It gives me the voice that is hidden behind layers of pretense and fake smiles that I plaster on my face every day. I can write everything I'm feeling inside, and not merely the ameliorated version of what society deems acceptable.




 

 

 

  





hearts so pure in this broken place
 

Comments by faith_is_passionate_intuition

faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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Yes, I remember talking to you :) it helped a lot. Just knowing that someone is there for you makes a difference. I`m in an okay place now and I guess just felt like I could tell her. Its kinda difficult now, but I think once she realizes that I'm not crazy and comes to terms with it things will be better. :)
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to BlueBlackButterfly
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GOOD WOW!!! :)
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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Yeah those moments are the best.
:) ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! :O omg he's such a jerk! Why does anyone like him?? Yeah I don't have much to say about my now ex. He was a dork, and athlete, so big and yet very eloquently spoken. I'm in all honors classes and could never be with someone unintelligent. That guy in your school sounds horrible! I’d never want to date him and don’t realize why anyone has a crush on him. Please don’t tell me you’ve crushed on him too :/
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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One of the best feelings is coming across an old memory that you had forgotten about. I like when that happens. Usually it's by coincidence  and I guess it's not that bad. If he wanted to be with my now, he would. But obviously whatever feelings we had for each other wasn't enough for him to combat the harassment. I wasn't enough. It’s okay though; I've moved on. Oh and when we were going out towards the end of our relationship, I started cutting a lot. He'd hug and touch me and stuff and I was so afraid that he'd find out that I almost told him once. Thank god I didn't. He'd think I was crazy.
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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Yeah, it’s amazing having him there for me. I’ll try to think of good memories but I don’t like looking to my past much...I’m trying to move on from it.
That's horrible :( stupid people. I even experienced a similar thing. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because people spread a rumor that I was cheating on him with my best friend and the jealousy and pain was just all too much for him to handle. Screw them
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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I do have my one friend. He's trying to help me stop. He came over today and I let him take all of my razors. Every single one of them. I hope I'll be able to do it, but even now I'm experiencing anxiety attacks with them gone. I’ve tried to stop before but fell right back into it. I’ve done The Butterfly Project before, and it usually helps…but once I got really angry and sliced right through the butterfly with my razor just because I wanted to kill it. And I don’t know...people can be very judgmental.
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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:( I think I can do this alone. I don't necessarily need any help and don’t want to burden anyone else ...especially those that wouldn’t understand. I couldn’t bear the thought of my family looking at me like I was a freak. They already don't like me. That's lucky that that girl did it too because you know her telling wasn’t from a place of disgust, but rather concern. That's good. You're really nice too. So many people would be quick to judge or not care at all.
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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That’s horrible :( I'm sorry that happened to you. When my friend saw my cuts I told her I fell off a fence (not much better). Is your relationship with your dad strained at all? And what about that one girl that ratted you out? Does she think you're weird or anything? Sorry about all the questions...I'm just trying to decide if I should tell anybody and get some sort of help or keep it to myself. And yeah I'll delete them.
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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Hopefully it will be healed by then..but I can't be sure of that. Have you ever had to deal with somthing like that? Advice?
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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I've tried to stop but its really difficult. I'm afraid of what my mom or anyone else would say if they found out..or what they'd do ie. send me to a mental institution. I have huge gashed on my leg from two nights ago and my friend just say it today. She wouldn't talk to me all night. She just mouthed "Why" and moved on. I was thinking of making a quote about it, but figured no one would really care and it's not necassarily quote worthy
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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I don't really know why I started or why I do it. Part of me thinks its because I want to punish myself; because I deserve it. It helps me feel alive too. That sounds a little strange, but, as someone who has done it too, I think/hope you'll be able to understand. I'm sorry you've had to go through this too <3. If you don't mind me asking, how did you do it? Did you stop on your own? That's amazing!
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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In 2009 i was anorexic. i dropped down to a skeletal weight and everyone noticed. my mom would even bully me into eating and shoved food down my throat. i started eating again, but still hated myself and the way i looked. It almost seems selfish to be as depressed as i am, because I have tons of wonderful friends, a family who loves me, and a home (which is more than a lot of people have). In 2010 I made myself throw up for the first time. Since then i have been bulimic (I didn't do it every day, but a lot). I'm not quite sure when I first starting cutting. But I've gotten so hopelessly addicted. My only friend that knows, Tim, has told me to take small steps to try to eliminate it (he realizes I can’t just stop all together). But I can’t and won’t stop. I don’t even really want to. And I think that after all these years I finally need to get help. I hate myself so much now...more than ever. I'm just so afraid to ask for that help that i know I desperately need. I don't want to tear my family apart again like I did in 2009
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Girl_With_Secrets
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thank you. i really mean that. my only friend that knows now looks down upon me and i really needed that bit of hope right about now <3
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Macy
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hey macy .could you possibly make me a music player for Taylor Swifts Safe and Sound? I know i dont really know you but if you could do that for me it would be AMAZING <3 i'm jealous of your skill and wish i could figure out how to do it for myslef :(
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to iloveeitt
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hey i have a friend that reminds me of you. what is your name?
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Imatigerrawrrrrr
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wow I've never known any trents before lol now that name will definitely be associated with your boy :) mines is tim.
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to IKilledTheHopefulDreamer
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thank you
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Imatigerrawrrrrr
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oh course! And you have to continue to let me know how it goes with this mysterious boy! Btw whats his name? :)
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Imatigerrawrrrrr
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i dont have feelings for him as more than a friend but he helped me through the hardest time in my life and has always been there for me and i need him now but he's not there :( and if i told him that he'd be there for me and not happy with his girlfriend and i just want him to be happy with her. theyre amazing people and desirve each other..but i still cant help but be jealous :(
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faith_is_passionate_intuition 9 years ago to Imatigerrawrrrrr
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do you have feelings for him as more than a friend?
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