fbunnym

you're beautiful

every little piece, love. and don't you know, you're really gonna be someone. ask anyone. and when you find everything you look for, i hope your life leads you back to my door. but if you don't, stay beautiful.

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This is really odd and sort of awkward but I need to vent this, please don't hate me for it.


I've always been unsure about my life, my sexuality and my relationships.  Throughout my life, i was tormented by jerks about my height (I'm nearly 6 ft) and my weight (I've been overweight for a long time), as well as my voice (i have a deepish voice), they used to ask me why I had such a man's voice and why i couldn't be more of a girl.  I also had my brothers picking fights with me, at least once a week i would get an arm full of bruises or worse.  I've always felt rejected by everyone around me, they all have their own little group and i just don't belong, I've been an outcast almost where ever i go for most of my life.  I have a man's build, a man's height and a mans strength, and yet i also have a womans figure and voice even if it is deepish.  Because I've always been seen as someone not to mess with but also an easy target, I've always been so self conscious about how i look because i don't want to give them more ammo to fire on me.  So many times, especially online, i have been confused with a guy instead of a girl and this is really odd and i don't understand it, but i always take a man's role in situations, or what would be expected of a guy to do, and in doing that, i imagine myself as a guy even though i know I'm a girl, and no i don't mean I'm in love with a girl or anything, i just mean that i feel too masculine and yet I'm a girl and although I'm not nearly a girly girl, I'm still emotionally sensitive, protective of friends, everyone i know, knows that if they dare hurt my friends or someone i care about, they'll be in a world of hurt when i get to them, but when i was little, i used to watch shows like dragon ball z and Pokemon and i still watch shows like Buffy and Angel, and in my life I've always felt like I'm meant to do something more in my life, that I'm meant for something, now a days I've been feeling like my life is just a joke, that I'm no better than a rock in the dirt sort of thing, i have chronic fatigue syndrome, i have low blood pressure, i may even have fibromyalgia and i don't know what else, i have so many disorders and yet somehow I'm meant to make a difference in this world, i worked through my life becoming stronger so that i could one day face my brothers and not be scared, I've never been scared of them and i don't intend to be any time soon, my strength is the only character of me that I'm actually accredited for, its the only thing i can think of that makes me, me, the fact that in a fight, i have never lost, nor will i ever fall when its a loved one's life at stake, thats it, thats all I'm known for, not even the second half of that, all I'm known for is that I'm stronger than alot of guys and that i can fight, it may be nice to know that they realise not to try anything, but it also makes me feel lesser than who i am.  Family relatives tell me that i should be a model and that there must be guys lining up at my door to ask me out, no, the only functional relationship I've had was when i was 8 and that was barely real, other than that the only boyfriend I've had isn't even worth talking about, guys in my year, are afraid of me, they are intimidated because they believe that a girl needs protection, not all of them are like this, but most of them are.  I have been stumbling through life, the only time where i have felt that i belong is outside of school, at work experience, it was the first time that i felt accepted without having to prove myself. For pretty much all of my life, all I've wanted was to be normal, my friends always say that they wish they were my height, but if they were, they would then know why i wish i was theirs.  I'm not going to write anymore or other wise this will go on forever.

Sorry it's so long.
I doubt anyone would care to but thanks if you actually read it..

BACK THEN;
Jacob Black was Shark Boy
Edward Cullen was Cedric Diggory
Justin Bieber was Aaron Carter
Sonny with a Chance was The Amanda Show
Josh Peck was fat
Hannah Montana was Lizzie McGuire
We solved Blue's Clues with Steve, not Joe
Vampires were being slayed by Buffy
Tinkerbell didnt talk
Alex Russo was Sabrina Spellman
Bratz was Barbie


~tumblr.
 

Angel:This can never be when I kiss you, its not like youll wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.

Buffy:No when you kiss me I want to die

Look, lots of people lose themselves in love. It's no shame. They write songs about it. The hitch is, you can't stay lost. Sooner or later, you have to get back to yourself.


-Buffy the Vampire Slayer

 

And I'm not afraid to admit,
That I absolutely love sitting on the couch in my sweatpants and oversized tee-shirt, watching old reruns of Buffy and pigging out on popcorn

I've seen honest faces before...

They usually come attached to liars...




Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 4, disc 2, episode 7

This is what I do know...I miss you...like, every second. It's like I lost an arm or worse, a torso

~Oz (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

i'm not like normal teenagers.
who like to go out and party, i'd rather watch some classic buffy.