fellhardfellfast

I'm done trying.

day 9. Someone you wish you could meet. 
Dear Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik,
First off I want to congratulate you on your sucsess. It's crazy to think how far you've come. You guys are such an inspiration to me because you are people I can relate to. You are like people I'm friends with, school with. And your living the dream. Your living an amazing dream that you never thought you live. You worked hard to be where you are right now. I'm so proud of you. When I watched A Year in the Making for the first time I had a smile on my face the entire time, and tears in my eyes because I was so happy. I was so happy to see how happy you were. Us fans, Directioners, are here by your side till the end. Whatever your decision we will support and know you have effected our lives for the better. I don't think some people realize how you've effected mine and others lives. I can't look at so many things the same..because of you guys they've taken on a whole knew meaning. You guys have proved miracles do happen, hard work pays off, and dreams do come true.
I'm proud of you boys, and I love you.
<3
Jess.

Forgot just how much I love Demolition Derbies.
Me and my best friend are gonna run with the girls 
next year and be beastly!
:)

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
I don't know.
I have Direct Tv.

• click to see this quote •

Dear fake family. Day 8 Favorite internet friend.
Hey you guys. Theres not just one, theres a whole family of us. I miss that. Its crazy to think that it was like 4 years ago..but you guys kept me so happy. I loved talking to you guys. I loved lauhing with oyu guys in our chatroom, and watching videos with each other. We said wed all meet up one day, and I wish we could. I still keep in touch with a couple of you guys..but for the most part, you guys are gone…I still love you though! Ill never forget out Fake Family. ;)

 Dear Marcus.
I’m going to come out and be totally honest with you here and yes I do realize that you don’t think I know how to do honest. But I can promise that what comes out of my mouth right this moment is exactly what I feel whether you believe me or not. First off I want to start out by saying I’m sorry. When you called me out in the start and said I was sorry that I got caught, you were exactly right. I won’t deny it. But now after 8 months I’ve finally come to my senses. I’ve finally faced the truth. It was probably the worst thing I’ve ever felt in my life. It was the hardest thing I’ve faced. I’ve faced the fact that I lied to your face.  I lied through text. I lied on the phone. I don’t even fully understand what compelled me to lie to you like I did. I never felt the need to in the very start of our friendship. I can’t even remember when I started lying to tell you the truth. It was all such a blur to me. I can’t remember what drove me to do it, but I did and that’s what matters. What matters is that I lied to someone I said I loved. I lied to someone who probably changed my life forever. I lied to someone I said I would be honest with. How does someone even find the nerve to that? I don’t understand what made me do it. I’ve NEVER been that kind of person before. Before me and you met, I’d never lied like that. Yes, we all tell the little white lied like, “my mom said no” but normal people don’t tell the lies I told. I accept the fact that it’s not something to skip over. I told my mom everything. I told her how I had lied and how I was stupid. She told me I didn’t have to tell her what I lied about because honestly she didn’t want to know. She told me she wasn’t proud of me for what I did by any means, but she told me it happened for a reason. She told me I made a mistake and that it’s ok to make mistakes but it’s not okay to make that same mistake again. She said I have to learn from it. She also told me I can’t let this hold me back. She told me that I had to move on with my life, that people had done much worse. I didn’t listen until now. I haven’t made that same mistake again. I’m honest with the people I come in contact with. I think the hardest part is being honest with myself. The hardest part was telling myself the truth. IT was extremely hard to sit here and say I lied to you and everyone else that I lied to. Basically I’m going to tell you what it comes down to. I’ve gone months thinking about this and debating and I’ve finally come to the conclusion I need to come to. I need to resolve this with myself to  move on and get better again. I need to ask for you to listen, and to ask for your forgiveness. It would help to have your forgiveness but I doubt that I’m going to get that so all I’m going to ask for is for you to listen and to try to understand that I’m done throwing a pity party for myself. To tell you I’m content with who I am. I’m ok with the healthy me. But I’m not content that we cant be civilized with each other. I’m not okay with the fact this is so unsettled with us. I don’t care if we ever get a friendship again, or a relationship. I don’t care if we have some huge break through. I just need to know we can act like humans. I need to know you would choose to act like I don’t exist to you. I need to know that you listened to everything I said here. Oh, and I’ll tell you one more thing. The reason why I say I hate you, and that its all your fault and that im so angry at you is because its twenty times easier than saying I miss you and that a part of you will always hang with me. So this is it Marcus. I surrender. You were right and I was very much so wrong. I’m sorry for my actions, my thoughts, my lies, my words that hurt. I will not make the same mistake again. I’m done fighting this battle. I lied to a serious degree. And you caught me.
-Jessica.

-My apology to the love of my life, the man that I've had an ongoing battle with inside and out for 8 months with. The man I miss and need forgiveness from. Opinions are welcome.
I really hope is sincere. Because it came from the bottom of my heart.